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So, what I heard guys saying in the PUA thread is that they like PUA because of its promise to give them more power, in dating, and take power away from women.
Experienced LTR folks, what are your thoughts about this?
What I have seen in real-life relationships is that power is not zero-sum. That means, if one person decreases in power, the other person does not gain in power, and vice versa.
In fact, it's the opposite: If you increase the power your partner has in the relationship, you also increase your own power. And the optimal situation is when both parties have 100% power.
This applies to non-romantic relationships, too. The only exception I can think of is physical violence (by people or groups such as governments). That results in the violent party having a temporary increase in power, and then a permanent drop to zero power. Ask anyone who has escaped an abusive relationship or overthrown an oppressive government.
And anytime someone tells me that I can increase my power by decreasing someone else's power, I look for the lie. Why are they lying to me, and what are they trying to manipulate me into doing?
In the case of the PUA industry it's obvious -- their goal is to sell the hope of empowerment, and a temporary feeling of slightly increased power, while making sure that their customers are in fact staying disempowered, so that they will keep buying stuff. In the case of political parties, it is the same: To make money and keep people powerless.
Bringing the emphasis back around to relationships: IME, the most effective way to increase my own power in a relationship is to increase the other person's power. Then mine goes up automatically.
It's hard for me to comprehend how increasing someones power also increases mine...unless it's a positive power, everyone reaps the benefits of that. If it's negative and detrimental, then no, I don't believe my power will also increase...maybe the power of being able to practice tolerance and perseverance, but that's not necessarily beneficial to my well being.
It's hard for me to comprehend how increasing someones power also increases mine...unless it's a positive power, everyone reaps the benefits of that. If it's negative and detrimental, then no, I don't believe my power will also increase...maybe the power of being able to practice tolerance and perseverance, but that's not necessarily beneficial to my well being.
Of course it's positive! Why would you ever be in a relationship that involved 'negative and detrimental'? Or be with someone who thought that was a desirable thing to increase?
I just take for granted that readers are not doing that .
In fact, it's the opposite: If you increase the power your partner has in the relationship, you also increase your own power. And the optimal situation is when both parties have 100% power.
This applies to non-romantic relationships, too....
OMG, I think I love you. Ha!
Joking, but you are exactly right. The sign of a HEALTHY relationship (romantic or not) is that the sum is greater than the parts. What makes a great LTR is that the two parties ADD (not take) from each other, and help them to grow. In helping the other grow, you too grow.
Sure, that's not always how it ends up, but in a good relationship, this should be a major component.
Why would I want to be in a relationship where the only way one person can gain is at the other's expense. No thank you!
If there's a power struggle in a relationship, it's probably not a very good relationship. Good relationships are about working with each other, not competing. In the context of a man trying to pick up a woman, it's probably referring to a guy who's willing to do just about anything for a woman but ends up getting "friend zoned" or something like that. In other words, he should be a little more forward.
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