Not sure my wife really loves me that much

[Katnan]

Originally Posted by TheFirstMen

Yeah he should bring her flowers and tell her how much he loves her all the time (he already does). Thstll turn everything right around. Wrong.

Suncc49 said nothing about buying her things, but rather LISTENING to her. It's a very wise statement, because most women want to be listened to, heard and understood.

[Skatergirl]

Originally Posted by kitkatbar

But is it fair to say she would like you to come back home to Paris rather than have her move to Zurich?

I don't think you sound like a bad guy at all. I'm just wondering if perhaps this unwillingness to show you verbal affection is because she's hurt by and resents the choice you made to be away from her five days out of every week. If you went ahead and did it anyway, she may feel like her voice and opinions aren't being heard, and in that scenario, of course passion and open expressions of affection are going to be the very first thing to go. You cannot expect someone to give freely if they feel hurt by what you're doing. It's simply not even on the table.

Great post above. What stuck out to me is that when you're gone, your wife is "on" and taking care of business and functioning as head of household. Some women have difficulty getting out of the driver's seat of running the house and working so when you return she's still in the driver's seat. Some women, myself included, have a little trouble transitioning from their job roles (in and out of the home) to their "wife" role. If we stay stuck in our "to do" mode it can be tricky getting us "unstuck" and into our sensual mode.

There's some good quotes out there that talk about only when we were willing to change did we see that we could change the world or Ghandi's famous quote: "Be the change you want to see...." Be the kinda man she wants to get naked with/drink champagne with/snuggle with/can't wait to see when he comes back....
Get the point???

[BraveHeart01]

Originally Posted by VanillaAgain

We've been married nearly 25 years .. I think if the signals had been an issue, this would have come up long ago.

Not necessarily. We change. As humans we want/assume predictability, consistency, security, answers for all questions and if we don't have them someone else will - and if no human - maybe God - but there is an answer. When things don't happen as we expect/assume, we see it as an anomaly - the exception and it is upsetting. In truth, life is constant change, little predictability and full of unanswered questions.
There is a change in your relationship but from what you've written, I don't get the sense your wife has abandoned you or stopped loving you. Don't give up because you are not getting the results YOU want in the timeframe YOU want them.
I know there comes a time when the work/cost exceeds the benefits. When one person is more committed than another and the relationship is not reciprocal. When one partner doesn't look out for the needs of the other. When that happens, then maybe it's on the way to an end. Cut your losses.
But I am not hearing that. I have heard what you want. I have heard what she does, but I have not heard what she wants.
You don't owe me a response to that. You owe yourself and your wife the answer.
This is just a blog and I am sure the "whole" story is not here, so please pardon me if I am going down a path you have exhausted. I am just not hearing it.

[CrueRulz]

Originally Posted by capitol

She's not attracted to you anymore. First thing you have to do is stop all the I love you, I miss you crap. Don't say it all. Be less affectionate towards her.

Possibly, but my primary question to the OP is whether she's always been more or less like that. Some people are just that way.

[CrueRulz]

Originally Posted by TracySam

The OP just sounds needy to me. After the first few months of a relationship, when you're all hot for each other, it's normal to settle down into being just comfortable partners. To expect "passion" after that is naïve. Yes, you love each other, and it's likely a deeper love than the lust you feel at the beginning, but it's not all the surface/demonstrative kind of love. Yes, you still have sex and enjoy it, but it's not like you shudder with ecstasy when you accidentally brush against your partner's hand when you're reaching for the salt.
You've obviously been together at least 20 years, since you have kids in college. I'm looking at it from the wife's point of view and I'm thinking, why is this 50 year old adult so needy? When you're a couple that's been together 20+ years, there is a lot of "business" to discuss. You might take a little time here and there for the lovey-dovey stuff, but life has to get taken care of.
My partner of over 12 years was having similar issues for a while, saying "I feel like we're just roommates and best friends, who happen to also have sex." I was like, "Well, um, yeah, that's what being a couple is. Welcome to adulthood." He wanted every single weekend and nearly every week night to be "date time" and never wanted to attend to necessary things that had to be done like paying bills, making appointments to get things repaired, cleaning or organizing stuff around the house. He had to grow up a little and understand that being in a comfortable committed couple doesn't mean slobbering all over each other every 5 minutes, but attending to LIFE together. Side by side, and not necessarily face to face.

I get that completely & have been on both sides of it. However, just because you attend to life together, doesn't mean there should be ZERO intimacy or romance, and some couples do fall into that as well...to where one tries and the other doesn't really respond at all. Hubby and I went through a phase like that but we are good now, and it was due to him being overtired from his new job.