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Sure, I'm comfortable to her .. but I get no sense of passion whatsoever from her. Currently I'm working on a job that takes me away from home during the week and gets me back on weekends. We have two kids, one in college and the other almost there. I'm 49 and she's 50. She compalined to me that I wasn't initiating calls to her enough. I didn't because she has the deluxe phone plan that allows unlimited calls all over the world, but I accepted that this was a stupid excuse and I called her more often.But the fact is, when we talk, she's all business. Bills, the house, stuff about her business, the kids, etc. At the en of the conversation I get a quick "I love you". If I tell her I miss her and I can't wait to see her, she'll respond in kind, but if I don't mention it, she doesn't bring it up. If I text her a quick 'I love you" or "I miss you", or "You're HAWT", I usually get no response. One night, this was really bugging me, and I mentioned it to her. She acted all concerned and swore she didn't realize it. But then, as soon as it was all said, it went right back to the way it was. She just sent me an email about asking me to help her with something on her website .. and sure enough not a single word in there that would make it different than an email she might send to some vendor.I'm a little pissed off, and I probably shouldn't be. Her actions simply reflect how she feels .. which is not much.
Sure, I'm comfortable to her .. but I get no sense of passion whatsoever from her. Currently I'm working on a job that takes me away from home during the week and gets me back on weekends. We have two kids, one in college and the other almost there. I'm 49 and she's 50. She compalined to me that I wasn't initiating calls to her enough. I didn't because she has the deluxe phone plan that allows unlimited calls all over the world, but I accepted that this was a stupid excuse and I called her more often.But the fact is, when we talk, she's all business. Bills, the house, stuff about her business, the kids, etc. At the en of the conversation I get a quick "I love you". If I tell her I miss her and I can't wait to see her, she'll respond in kind, but if I don't mention it, she doesn't bring it up. If I text her a quick 'I love you" or "I miss you", or "You're HAWT", I usually get no response. One night, this was really bugging me, and I mentioned it to her. She acted all concerned and swore she didn't realize it. But then, as soon as it was all said, it went right back to the way it was. She just sent me an email about asking me to help her with something on her website .. and sure enough not a single word in there that would make it different than an email she might send to some vendor.I'm a little pissed off, and I probably shouldn't be. Her actions simply reflect how she feels .. which is not much.
Sounds like you two are business partners.
My advice, get back to basics.
Don't discuss anything that isn't directly related to your marriage. Understandably, bills are something that need to be addressed, but helping her with her business/website-needs to take a back seat until you figure out how to get back to some type of intimate relationship.
Don't discuss anything that isn't directly related to your marriage. Understandably, bills are something that need to be addressed, but helping her with her business/website-needs to take a back seat until you figure out how to get back to some type of intimate relationship.
What do you mean .. I should keep discussing the marriage with her? I told her what I wanted, and this is not the first time. If I keep bringing it up, it seems both silly and tiresome especially to her. And of this really reflects her feelings, then what's the point?
What do you mean .. I should keep discussing the marriage with her? I told her what I wanted, and this is not the first time. If I keep bringing it up, it seems both silly and tiresome especially to her. And of this really reflects her feelings, then what's the point?
No, I mean don't discuss business. Refuse to. Change the subject. Only disucuss things directly related to you and her. Rebuild the relationship
My husband travels frequently...not every single week but enough that he has the same complaints when he's away.
If he doesn't call me, we don't talk. I rarely call him because I have no idea what his schedule is like when he's gone, who he is dining with, whether or not he's in a meeting...etc.
The problem is, you are away from home and you miss home. While it's not a "vacation" per say, it's a vacation from all the stuff that goes on at home. She is still there, living her life as normal, dealing with the everyday stuff. She doesn't miss anything, with the exception of you but even then, she's probably got other things going on that take her mind away from that.
When my husband is done working for the day while travelling, he's done. There are no other responsibilities for him. He has a lot of down time and he'll typically call me during his down time. It's not my downtime so we cover the necessities in the conversation and then it's time to go. He gets annoyed that I don't end conversations in "I love you"...well I don't do that at home either so I'm not sure why that expectation is there when he's travelling. The rules don't change.
I think the biggest part of it is that he feels like the "man of the house" when he's here but it's hard to play that role when he's on the other side of the world. Life still goes on without a hiccup when he isn't here and I think that's a bit of an ego bruise for him. Maybe that is coming into play with you as well?
She's not attracted to you anymore. First thing you have to do is stop all the I love you, I miss you crap. Don't say it all. Be less affectionate towards her.
Sixy raises a great point. I used to travel a lot (>50%) and I can tell you that she is dead-on. It's not easy being the one who is "stuck at home" and has to deal with everything that entails. Plus, it sounds like your wife has her own business (or something to that effect), which adds another layer of responsibility that you don't have when you're on the road.
I understand what it's like to feel unloved...and I'm sure others do too. But, if you turn the situation around and try to look at things through your wife's eyes, you may see that you get to "have fun" on your trips while she has to take care of everything at home. That's not to say you're not in the picture when you are home, but your job simply prevents you from being present as much as you or your wife may like. That likely makes it difficult for your wife to feel connected to or loving towards you.
One of the biggest things I learned while traveling a lot was to carve up responsibilities such that I could take care of things (like bills) regardless of where I was at the moment. That helped relieve some of the pressure (my ex at the time was dealing with two small children, so there was only so much I could actually "do" to help).
I might also suggest that you take the initiative and write her a nice letter, expressing your feelings for her in a positive, supporting manner. Don't bring up the negative thoughts, feelings, or emotions you expressed in your OP. Instead, take her back to a time when things were better between you two. Help her reminisce and perhaps that will start rekindling something within her. Tell her you'll take her on a nice vacation once the other child is in college or at some other predetermined date. It's the little things that count, so something as small as a prepaid massage or spa day could help her relax and focus on things other than bills, work, kids, etc.
Sure, I'm comfortable to her .. but I get no sense of passion whatsoever from her. Currently I'm working on a job that takes me away from home during the week and gets me back on weekends. We have two kids, one in college and the other almost there. I'm 49 and she's 50. She compalined to me that I wasn't initiating calls to her enough. I didn't because she has the deluxe phone plan that allows unlimited calls all over the world, but I accepted that this was a stupid excuse and I called her more often.But the fact is, when we talk, she's all business. Bills, the house, stuff about her business, the kids, etc. At the en of the conversation I get a quick "I love you". If I tell her I miss her and I can't wait to see her, she'll respond in kind, but if I don't mention it, she doesn't bring it up. If I text her a quick 'I love you" or "I miss you", or "You're HAWT", I usually get no response. One night, this was really bugging me, and I mentioned it to her. She acted all concerned and swore she didn't realize it. But then, as soon as it was all said, it went right back to the way it was. She just sent me an email about asking me to help her with something on her website .. and sure enough not a single word in there that would make it different than an email she might send to some vendor.I'm a little pissed off, and I probably shouldn't be. Her actions simply reflect how she feels .. which is not much.
Look, this can happen when one person in the relationship is away a lot - so don't panic.
But do be concerned enough to have a long conversation with her the next time you are physically together.
Both of you need to stay aware that taking each other for granted forms bad habits that will eventually kill a marriage.
She's not attracted to you anymore. First thing you have to do is stop all the I love you, I miss you crap. Don't say it all. Be less affectionate towards her.
I would suggest you refrain from giving marital advice until you have actually ever been married yourself
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