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Sure, I'm comfortable to her .. but I get no sense of passion whatsoever from her. Currently I'm working on a job that takes me away from home during the week and gets me back on weekends. We have two kids, one in college and the other almost there. I'm 49 and she's 50. She compalined to me that I wasn't initiating calls to her enough. I didn't because she has the deluxe phone plan that allows unlimited calls all over the world, but I accepted that this was a stupid excuse and I called her more often.But the fact is, when we talk, she's all business. Bills, the house, stuff about her business, the kids, etc. At the en of the conversation I get a quick "I love you". If I tell her I miss her and I can't wait to see her, she'll respond in kind, but if I don't mention it, she doesn't bring it up. If I text her a quick 'I love you" or "I miss you", or "You're HAWT", I usually get no response. One night, this was really bugging me, and I mentioned it to her. She acted all concerned and swore she didn't realize it. But then, as soon as it was all said, it went right back to the way it was. She just sent me an email about asking me to help her with something on her website .. and sure enough not a single word in there that would make it different than an email she might send to some vendor.I'm a little pissed off, and I probably shouldn't be. Her actions simply reflect how she feels .. which is not much.
For those who don't know, Capitol's post is a standard PUA line. It might work on the drunk, insecure, emotionally damaged college girls it is intended to work on. It will, as many here have said, backfire on a grown woman.
....oh boy
you do realize that you've defined "grown woman" as "***** who hates her husband" right?
it's supposed to work because if she doesn't care about your affection then she doesn't like/love you anymore and it's over
if she does, then she should realize that she's doing something wrong and strive to fix it
not everyone subscribes to the theory that women are infallible and the men should do all the work
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 10,483,836 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaAgain
What do you mean .. I should keep discussing the marriage with her? I told her what I wanted, and this is not the first time. If I keep bringing it up, it seems both silly and tiresome especially to her. And of this really reflects her feelings, then what's the point?
Just from my observation about married people this seems to be the rut that a lot of marriages end up in.
you do realize that you've defined "grown woman" as "***** who hates her husband" right?
it's supposed to work because if she doesn't care about your affection then she doesn't like/love you anymore and it's over
if she does, then she should realize that she's doing something wrong and strive to fix it
not everyone subscribes to the theory that women are infallible and the men should do all the work
hmmmm....I did not see Nila say or imply in anything she wrote that she "subscribes to the theory that women are infallible and the men should do all the work"
Nor did she "define a grown woman as a bit@h who hates her husband"
It would appear to me that what you know and understand about marriage would fit on the head of a pin.
hmmmm....I did not see Nila say or imply in anything she wrote that she "subscribes to the theory that women are infallible and the men should do all the work"
Nor did she "define a grown woman as a bit@h who hates her husband"
It would appear to me that what you know and understand about marriage would fit on the head of a pin.
My husband travels frequently...not every single week but enough that he has the same complaints when he's away.
If he doesn't call me, we don't talk. I rarely call him because I have no idea what his schedule is like when he's gone, who he is dining with, whether or not he's in a meeting...etc.
The problem is, you are away from home and you miss home. While it's not a "vacation" per say, it's a vacation from all the stuff that goes on at home. She is still there, living her life as normal, dealing with the everyday stuff. She doesn't miss anything, with the exception of you but even then, she's probably got other things going on that take her mind away from that.
When my husband is done working for the day while travelling, he's done. There are no other responsibilities for him. He has a lot of down time and he'll typically call me during his down time. It's not my downtime so we cover the necessities in the conversation and then it's time to go. He gets annoyed that I don't end conversations in "I love you"...well I don't do that at home either so I'm not sure why that expectation is there when he's travelling. The rules don't change.
I think the biggest part of it is that he feels like the "man of the house" when he's here but it's hard to play that role when he's on the other side of the world. Life still goes on without a hiccup when he isn't here and I think that's a bit of an ego bruise for him. Maybe that is coming into play with you as well?
I can really relate to your situation. Please realize you've both fallen into a funk after so much time together. You've BOTH contributed to the current state of your relationship. Fwiw, think of a woman's brain like a computer that has 10 tabs open at any given time. Takes a lot to break through to us. You both need to learn to reconnect. Don't lash out at her as you're likely guilty of the very things you're complaining about.
Honestly, the BEST advice I could give you is to buy a copy of a book, "How We Love" which is unlike any self help/relationship book I've read. I stopped reading these types of books actually as I just find most of them hogwash. My sister bought and mailed me a copy of the book and it is life changing.
Sure, I'm comfortable to her .. but I get no sense of passion whatsoever from her. Currently I'm working on a job that takes me away from home during the week and gets me back on weekends. We have two kids, one in college and the other almost there. I'm 49 and she's 50. She compalined to me that I wasn't initiating calls to her enough. I didn't because she has the deluxe phone plan that allows unlimited calls all over the world, but I accepted that this was a stupid excuse and I called her more often.But the fact is, when we talk, she's all business. Bills, the house, stuff about her business, the kids, etc. At the en of the conversation I get a quick "I love you". If I tell her I miss her and I can't wait to see her, she'll respond in kind, but if I don't mention it, she doesn't bring it up. If I text her a quick 'I love you" or "I miss you", or "You're HAWT", I usually get no response. One night, this was really bugging me, and I mentioned it to her. She acted all concerned and swore she didn't realize it. But then, as soon as it was all said, it went right back to the way it was. She just sent me an email about asking me to help her with something on her website .. and sure enough not a single word in there that would make it different than an email she might send to some vendor.I'm a little pissed off, and I probably shouldn't be. Her actions simply reflect how she feels .. which is not much.
My husband travels frequently...not every single week but enough that he has the same complaints when he's away.
If he doesn't call me, we don't talk. I rarely call him because I have no idea what his schedule is like when he's gone, who he is dining with, whether or not he's in a meeting...etc.
The problem is, you are away from home and you miss home. While it's not a "vacation" per say, it's a vacation from all the stuff that goes on at home. She is still there, living her life as normal, dealing with the everyday stuff. She doesn't miss anything, with the exception of you but even then, she's probably got other things going on that take her mind away from that.
When my husband is done working for the day while travelling, he's done. There are no other responsibilities for him. He has a lot of down time and he'll typically call me during his down time. It's not my downtime so we cover the necessities in the conversation and then it's time to go. He gets annoyed that I don't end conversations in "I love you"...well I don't do that at home either so I'm not sure why that expectation is there when he's travelling. The rules don't change.
I think the biggest part of it is that he feels like the "man of the house" when he's here but it's hard to play that role when he's on the other side of the world. Life still goes on without a hiccup when he isn't here and I think that's a bit of an ego bruise for him. Maybe that is coming into play with you as well?
So, if he leaves you, you won't ask for half of his money?
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big sigh here...
