In a LTR, frequency of partner sex and solo sex?

[Draconess]

Originally Posted by monumentus

Not really. Over a long term relationship the quantity of sex can vary wildly. It is a continuum for most people oscillating around an average quantity - but in the space of a long term relationship can reach points of a long period of a lack of sex - or a long period of a glut of it.

thank goodness that has not happened in my relationship. Not so sure I could stay in a sexless relationship, perhaps my thoughts on that matter will differ in a few decades but certainly not now

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by Draconess

thank goodness that has not happened in my relationship. Not so sure I could stay in a sexless relationship, perhaps my thoughts on that matter will differ in a few decades but certainly not now

It really is down to any number of factors. For example if a partner is going through a particularly stressful period in work then sex could be the last thing on that persons minds for that entire period. Or for some sex could be the only outlet for that stress.

It is massively different from person to person - relationship to relationship - and situation to situation. Suffice to say however that the important part of my reply to the OP is not to obsess over how much you are getting or not getting - but whether everyone is doing it when they actually want to - rather than doing it to fulfil expectations - the quantities displayed by others - or some other measure in the mind.

[halfamazing]

[quote=NilaJones;30643769]I hope this topic is PG enough.

I used to always assume that, in a serious relationship, especially if living together or married, most of both our sexual needs would be met together (exceptions for temporary problems -- an injury or mad at each other or whatever). Not that there is anything wrong with masturbation, but it would be an occasional thing. Sometimes together . quote]

There comes a time when the discussion is over. Its a relationship, not a meeting, not an agenda, we are not programming software. There is no scheduling, it's not always together, and there is no thinking. We are all made up differently and have various biological needs, interests, and personal secrets/fetishes. No matter what you do, you will never ever, ever, ever, be able to fulfill each and every fetish. It is not possible. With that said, people grow and depending on their exposures to various cultures and social lifestyles, their interests can further develop. Just how people fall out of love or if someone pursues a business venture and the partner is not so supportive, this can cause a strain and possibly lead to the person seeking another partner that which is more supportive.

In the case of sex, we can have a conversation today but we are people. We develop and peak at various times. People don't automatically say "hey, let's start swinging". Its developed over time and may be introduced by friends that are involved in that world and depending on where you are in life, you may be willing to entertain it.

There is no black and white. We all have our personal secrets. You can't gauge the other person's sexual desires no should anyone feel that it can be always shared.

If you develop a higher sex drive over time, you need to find a way to manage it. Its more than just a mental thing. There is a scientific reason behind your desires and you can't simply just walk away from it... Therefore, if he doesn't meet your demands (reasonably) then you must self-pleasure with the aids of film and mental fantasy. We are human, we are not robots. We are our own beings. Just cause you are married only means that you came in, and will exit the marriage the same way- being who you are.

Look at the divorce rate- you came into it masturbating, you will leave masturbating. Just like you have an opinion, just like you have a voice, just like you have a right. It is all relative. Marriage is a bond, not a state of sexual imprisonment.

Ask yourself this question- there are so many married couples that have separate bank accounts or actually "loan each other money", then why should self-pleasuring be only on occasion? If each person feels compelled to have controll of their own money, then they should as well feel compelled to control their own personal sexual desires...

[CrueRulz]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

Stop right there. I see no reason to ration partner sex. It's always special, even if it's several times daily. Just mho.

Just do it when you both feel like it, don't overcomplicate it.

However, if there is a libido mismatch (I've been on both sides of it...and with the same man) then sometimes as you're working things out, some "solo work" will have to pick up the slack.

Lately, we're at about 2 X a week together, and I'm "taking care of business" maybe once or twice a week myself. I'm the one with the higher drive these days.

[halfamazing]

Originally Posted by CrueRulz

Just do it when you both feel like it, don't overcomplicate it.

However, if there is a libido mismatch (I've been on both sides of it...and with the same man) then sometimes as you're working things out, some "solo work" will have to pick up the slack.

Lately, we're at about 2 X a week together, and I'm "taking care of business" maybe once or twice a week myself. I'm the one with the higher drive these days.

^^^^!

Notice how it is stated "these days" as in I explained in my previous posts.. sexual desires peak and develop in various ways over time...

[CrueRulz]

Originally Posted by Draconess

Egads! A month without? Now that's just crazy talk!

I presume you have no children...

We've moved past that stage, but in my decade long marriage, we had a couple years period there where it would be MONTHS without sex...mostly due to babies not sleeping, me being exhausted, HIM being exhausted, etc.

I love my kids don't get me wrong - but they can really kill the mood in many ways IYKWIM. Ironic when you consider how kids come to be to being with.