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If someone is that quick to jump to negative conclusions, then I say let them weed you out.
If you are not sure what someone means about themselves when they make a certain statement, then ASK! Good communication runs both ways. Active listening means asking questions & repeating back in your own words what you just heard to verify you understood correctly.
I never would have imagined expressing a desire to travel means you're a gold-digger either... what a leap in "logic".
Not Drinking: Why does not drinking need an explanation at all? Not everyone who avoids pork is vegetarian, Jewish or Muslim; some people just don't like pork.
Right. I don't see why not drinking ( and "not being a recovering alcoholic", as the OP said) would be a red flag. Does that mean that being a recovering alcoholic ISN'T a red flag??
I'd kind of like to find an awesome sweetie who lives in a cool town first, and then move to where they live, rather than picking the town first. How do I say this (e.g. in a profile) without sounding like I want to move in with someone and mooch off them, or make a relationship move too fast? Y'all know I am fanatical about paying my own way and need a lot of space to myself
Honestly, this sounds like a huge red flag, regardless of who's paying. Sorry, just sayin'
I wouldn't care how good looking someone was-if they told me this, I'd *click* delete.
You said, "And some people see those dastardly red flags in something as simple as, "Do you like your fried eggs well done or over easy?" which I took to mean some see "red flags" in very silly things.
I was saying that too many on CD are shallow and spend time worrying about superficial things that prevent them from ever connecting with anyone, thus making them their own worst enemies.
Right. I don't see why not drinking ( and "not being a recovering alcoholic", as the OP said) would be a red flag. Does that mean that being a recovering alcoholic ISN'T a red flag??
For me, her being a recovering alcoholic would be more "heightened scrutiny" rather than "red flag". If her recovery is relatively long-term and stable, then so long as things stay that way, it's fine by me. If she's newly sober, not maintaining, not working her program, etc., that's a deal breaker for me. To me, it would be no different than an insulin-dependent diabetic not taking her insulin as prescribed.
For me, her being a recovering alcoholic would be more "heightened scrutiny" rather than "red flag". If her recovery is relatively long-term and stable, then so long as things stay that way, it's fine by me. If she's newly sober, not maintaining, not working her program, etc., that's a deal breaker for me. To me, it would be no different than an insulin-dependent diabetic not taking her insulin as prescribed.
The situation might be reversed, though, if it were a man who's a recovering alcoholic. Some men go in and out of recovery as a means to control a woman. I suppose a woman could do that, too, but men are capable of doing more damage than women, generally. I would see it as a red flag. I don't know why not being interested in alcohol at all would be a red flag, unless alcohol were an important part of someone's socializing. I don't really see anything red-flaggy in any of the items mentioned in the OP.
I want to move to a new city, and am open to many possible locations. I'd kind of like to find an awesome sweetie who lives in a cool town first, and then move to where they live, rather than picking the town first. How do I say this (e.g. in a profile) without sounding like I want to move in with someone and mooch off them, or make a relationship move too fast? Y'all know I am fanatical about paying my own way and need a lot of space to myself
I want to move too in a year. I figured the only way to do it is to move first, then date once I'm there.
Well, with the traveling part you say where and what you liked about the travel you have done.
I can't tell you how many profiles said stuff about loving travel, but you ask them and they've been to Ohio.
I wouldn't even bring up the not drinking, it's kind of a non-issue, at least for a profile.
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Some of us have stuff that is true, and important for determining compatibility, but that people often misinterpret as red flags. This is thread for discussing better ways to phrase that stuff .
Examples from current threads:
What if you don't drink and are not a recovering alcoholic?
How about stating "I don't drink but don't mind when others have a drink or two"
What if you love to travel and want a mate who loves it too, but have no interest in the mate's money or in expensive forms of travel?
How about "I prefer long weekend trips that are within driving distance when traveling and relaxing"
And one from my own life:
I want to move to a new city, and am open to many possible locations. I'd kind of like to find an awesome sweetie who lives in a cool town first, and then move to where they live, rather than picking the town first. How do I say this (e.g. in a profile) without sounding like I want to move in with someone and mooch off them, or make a relationship move too fast? Y'all know I am fanatical about paying my own way and need a lot of space to myself
"Looking for a new city to start the next chapter of my life and would like to find a good man to help write this chapter".
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You totally lost me there.
