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Hey guys, so me and my ex broke up 7 months ago and have been in constant contact for the past 2 months now and by constant i mean every single day.
I'm still deeply in love with this girl but she doesnt feel the same way. I have chosen to bite the bullet and have a platonic friendship with her to build trust.
So far it's been pretty good. She's warming up to me and were getting along tremendously. There are three events that occurd that i could use some opinions on.
1. I set up a photoshoot for her.
During the shoot we were really close.
She was touching me constantly, She "accidentely" called me babe.
We hung out after for a little and really connected.
At the end of the night she hugged me for an extremely looooooooong time & we almost kissed but i held back and kissed her on the cheek.
2. We went to the movies and during the movie i tried to get a little closer to her by putting my hand on her leg and
leaning towards her. Nothing to serious but just trying to ge that same connection as the photoshoot.
She seemed uncomfortable and after the movie she said i need to have "boundaries" and she wants to make sure i understand were just friends
and she still doesnt feel the same way. I mentioned the connection we shared at the photoshoot and she said it was because we established that
we were just friends. This is where i got confused because basically she was saying as long as were "friends" we can flirt and touch and act all cute
but if i try to pursue her its an issue. She also said it felt natural and if i just let it be natural it will come.
3.She recently went to vegas with a group of friends. Got drunk and text me some interesting things
ex:
" i wish i was with you watching game of thrones with my leg on your leg"
"god i miss you"
" i miss you i just wish my ego would allow me to" (Whatever the hell that means idk )
"you have always had the capacity to make me smile"
"Your amazing and i'm so proud of how far youve come i know your going to be a big star one day" (I'm a Music Artist)
"Hey You"
"Well Thanks Babe"
"muuahh"
& ofcourse i was responding in between it wasnt just a mass message of these texts but still it raised my eyebrows.
Shes never gets to drunk and when she does she still knows what the hell she's doing besides she was in Vegas why the hell is she worried about me ?
So the next morning i text her and say "i appreciate the thing you said it's nice to know you still care" jus tto see where her head is at.
She texts back saying "i stepped out of line when i was drunk. I don't want to lead you on. that's ot fair of me. i care about you alot. but i have no intentions of taking it past a friendship i need you to know that
im sorry again."
I emmediately called her. We talked about it a little and i explained to her that i didnt think she was saying she want to get back together i just thought it was nice. I guess she doesn't want me to get my hopes up.
I asked her straight out do you see a future with us ? Do you want to be platonic friends forever ? She couldnt asnwer it . She said she doesnt know what the future holds but right now she is not in love with me.
I understand that i am in a position where i kind of have to spark the love again but i don't want to put in all this effort if she's just stringing me along
She said it's not because she's seeing anyone and she can't even love anyone else after me.
Soooooo i have no idea what to do . What i am doing. It feels unhealthy. I feel like a b i t ch because sometimes when i tell her how i feel and she doesnt want to hear it shell get REALLY angry and starts yelling at me
and i dont fight fire with fire because that never ends well so i just stay quiet. She usually calls me later and apologizes. But her anger problem is killing me.
I just want to know where to go from here.
Ish she jerking my chain ?
Should i continue to give it time and not pressure her ?
UGH
Dear mobileman I read your post and wonder why you guys broke up?
She initiated the break up, correct? What reason? How old is she and how old are you?
How long were you together for?
It sounds like she still likes you a lot but you need to really give her space!!! Dude, you are way too much in her space. Speaking every day is too much. She has no chance to miss you.
Have you. Read the book It's called a break-up because it's broken?
This girl is keeping you, tugging on your heart strings while you cannot find someone who would truly appreciate and cherish your love and kindness.
She sounds like she knows you'll do anything for her but then keeps you at arm's lenth. What do you get outof it? Yes you want to show her how MUCH you care by always being there, but I think she should learn to see the void that you leave behind when you are NOT there.
Please disengage. 60 days minimum no comms. Don't be nasty, justbe pleasant and say she knows how you feel but you need to focus on yourself. Then do not make any contact. Go and date others, put yourself out there. Do not drunk dial or stalk her.
Give yourself the space and her a chance to miss you. Be active, get fit, invest in yourself and date, get out of the house.
Dear mobileman I read your post and wonder why you guys broke up?
She initiated the break up, correct? What reason? How old is she and how old are you?
How long were you together for?
It sounds like she still likes you a lot but you need to really give her space!!! Dude, you are way too much in her space. Speaking every day is too much. She has no chance to miss you.
Have you. Read the book It's called a break-up because it's broken?
This girl is keeping you, tugging on your heart strings while you cannot find someone who would truly appreciate and cherish your love and kindness.
She sounds like she knows you'll do anything for her but then keeps you at arm's lenth. What do you get outof it? Yes you want to show her how MUCH you care by always being there, but I think she should learn to see the void that you leave behind when you are NOT there.
Please disengage. 60 days minimum no comms. Don't be nasty, justbe pleasant and say she knows how you feel but you need to focus on yourself. Then do not make any contact. Go and date others, put yourself out there. Do not drunk dial or stalk her.
Give yourself the space and her a chance to miss you. Be active, get fit, invest in yourself and date, get out of the house.
I am sure you are very lovable but do not put your life on hold for that girl. Plenty of fish in the sea.
This is great.... I am 22 shes 25. Were were together for a year and a half.
We broke up because there was trust issues on her end. Emotional Infidelity(not sex) and arguments
took over and resentment moved in.
Even if i don't contact her all day shell contact me i've tried to give her space but she likes talking to me just as much as i do talking to her. I don't know if i could do the 60 day thing man. That sounds hard.
What the hell am i going to tell her ? What if she contacts me ? What if she meets someone else?
I feel like i'd be setting myself up for failure. I don't want to play mind games with her. I just want to be honest. I have been doing that and it's gotten her to warm up to me . Will i ruin all the work i put in if i cut contact ?
The 60 days aren't so much mind games as a SPACE for you to move on. You are young, your life holds so much more than just this girl. Yes she is nice and cute and you fancy her and it's the devil you know. Trust me, you need to get out there and date.
Get that Break up broken up book and focus on yourself. Others have said the same. This girl likes you, lots, you are always there for her, she feels comfy with you but that's it.
I know it hurts. Now. But it won't hurt forever. The 60 days are to give you head space.
Do not pick up the phone when she calls. Tell her in advance why you are doing what.
No comms with her because you need space. She knows how you feel but she doesn't feel that way. She has to set you free. It's not about being mature and being great friends with every girlfriend. You are too attached to be friends with her yet.
she is interested in meeting other guys. figures she can do better, and frankly you sound too clingy. women find that yukky.
your best bet is too cool your heels on texting her (make her wonder why you haven't texted in 24hrs, a wk?), along with you going out with other women. you must go out with other women to curb you neediness and one-itis (you're obsessing about one person too much).
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