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Mmmm, not so sure about that. I kinda like things fixed around the house. But then I live with a man who considers that the trash bag put in front of the door (we live in an apartment) is just in the way, so he moves it to the right (or the left, he's crazy like that sometimes) and then feels like he has solved the problem of getting out of the door.
ANYTHING he might fix in the house would make me feel as heard and a woman
Back on subject, the article mostly felt to me as a man who is very sad about his divorce and wished he could get back in time. But most of what he says, not all, is good advice and applies to both gender I think.
I don't mean fix things as in literally repair broken things around the house. In reference to women wanting to be heard, if they've had a bad day, or something's gone wrong. I don't want the problem solved for me, I want to be heard. It's one of the disconnects between the genders and the way our thinking is wired. Men are generally problem-solvers, so if we present them an issue, they're looking for a way to fix it, not realizing that we want to talk about it, want to be heard, might need a hug. It's not the issue itself, it's our feelings and reaction to it that we want support for.
Mmmm, not so sure about that. I kinda like things fixed around the house. But then I live with a man who considers that the trash bag put in front of the door (we live in an apartment) is just in the way, so he moves it to the right (or the left, he's crazy like that sometimes) and then feels like he has solved the problem of getting out of the door.
ANYTHING he might fix in the house would make me feel as heard and a woman
Back on subject, the article mostly felt to me as a man who is very sad about his divorce and wished he could get back in time. But most of what he says, not all, is good advice and applies to both gender I think.
That's not what it meant by "fix things". It's more about if I come home and say I had a crappy day at work, I want my honey to just listen, put his arms around me and tell me it's okay, not to tell me a list of solutions or that I should do this or that - men tend to see women's being upset as something they have to "fix" when that is not what we're looking for.
That's not what it meant by "fix things". It's more about if I come home and say I had a crappy day at work, I want my honey to just listen, put his arms around me and tell me it's okay, not to tell me a list of solutions or that I should do this or that - men tend to see women's being upset as something they have to "fix" when that is not what we're looking for.
Unless we're complaining ABOUT him...then he has to fix it.
That's not what it meant by "fix things". It's more about if I come home and say I had a crappy day at work, I want my honey to just listen, put his arms around me and tell me it's okay, not to tell me a list of solutions or that I should do this or that - men tend to see women's being upset as something they have to "fix" when that is not what we're looking for.
I know this, but have never been that good at it. I always end up slipping and trying to make suggestions. I've been married 6 years. We have a good relationship but could always communicate better.
What I don't know is, how do I listen? Do I just smile and nod? Should I talk it back to her, almost repeating it back (like, "she said that? I can't believe it") so she knows I'm actually listening, or just sit there and at the end just hug her and say "that sucks honey, I'm sorry that happened" then move on with our day?
I know this, but have never been that good at it. I always end up slipping and trying to make suggestions. I've been married 6 years. We have a good relationship but could always communicate better.
What I don't know is, how do I listen? Do I just smile and nod? Should I talk it back to her, almost repeating it back (like, "she said that? I can't believe it") so she knows I'm actually listening, or just sit there and at the end just hug her and say "that sucks honey, I'm sorry that happened" then move on with our day?
I think the hug and the "that sucks honey, etc" is a great thing, because it shows you were listening to what she said, and demonstrates that you care about how she's feeling. You could follow up with "is there anything i can do?", at which point she'll likely say no, or ask you to help hide the body. Seriously though, it's usually not whatever is bothering her that is the issue, it's that it's bothering her is what needs to be focused on.
I agree, Liberty- it's perfectly fine if my husband asks "is there anything I can do". Usually I also say no.
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