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I’m living with my gf and she is just about to finish her master’sd egree in education, but there are a few problems. By the time she’s done, she’ll be about 35Kin debt (student loans + car payments), but has no job and minimal teaching prospects in the region we live in. Sure, she gets interviews for various lower-end districts for a variety of positions – leave replacement, permanent sub, ad hoc subbing, TA’s, and fullon teaching (rarely), but nothing more comes from it. Her last “full” time position was about 6 months of leave replacement at a district but they didn’t have the means tohire her back as a permanent sub for this coming school year. Herlast avenue for work was this tutoring job she used to do, but they don’t giveher any hours and when they did, they were 1-4 hour shifts at minimum wage, so maybe enough to pay a bill but that’s it. Although I think she shot herself in the foot when she told them shecouldn’t work weekends or nights – her reasoning was that it was because those would be the only times I’m home. I’m usually in the city for 12-13 hours a day – now more since I started mymasters.
So when all is said and done, she has this huge lump of debt and no real means right now to pay it off. She actually collects disability every few months because she has an autoimmune condition, but that’s chump change in the grand scheme of things. What I tried to tell is that she needs income and steadily. I know it’stough out there to find something, but surely it’s possible to find SOMETHING to lessen the damaging debt? It sure beats sitting at home all day watching Full House and Charmed. It’s a bad feeling coming home after a longday and she’s acting all lethargic.
I’m sure a few people would say to dump her and get it over with, but I can’t do that nor do I want to. It would be wrong to do it for that reason anyway – supposed I’m unemployed for a long time? I think shewould want to be there for me. This is really the only issue with the relationship and she’s a great person overall. But the fact is, without that income on her half, it makes me want to postpone getting married, kids, ahouse, etc. I think she’s personally waiting to win that “teaching lotto” that is, landing a full time position in ahigh rated district with track to tenure; but regardless, she needs steady income and needs it now no matter what it takes to get it. How can I knock some sense into her to just take whatever job she can?
What do you do? Don't progress the relationship until she has this taken care of.
I am finishing grad school in the spring with 0 debt or loans, because I work 50 hours a week and my employer is reimbursing me. It's possible to do without ending up in the position she's in-she can't wait on the sidelines for the perfect job to just show up. She needs to get real and start working jobs she may not love to start putting a dent in that debt.
What do you do? Don't progress the relationship until she has this taken care of.
I am finishing grad school in the spring with 0 debt or loans, because I work 50 hours a week and my employer is reimbursing me. It's possible to do without ending up in the position she's in-she can't wait on the sidelines for the perfect job to just show up. She needs to get real and start working jobs she may not love to start putting a dent in that debt.
I agree not progressing - how can I make that clear if I bring this up to her? I'm not too good at articulating words and arguments. It's easy to find a basic minimum wage job but she feels she has no other skills besides teaching related ones and secretarial/administrative work.
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Originally Posted by plmokn
Is she willing to relocate to another part of the country where teachers are in demand?
Hell no! lol....my sister could easily hook her up with a position in massachussets but she has told me countless times she never wants to leave long island (because family is there)
does her disability not allow her to work full time?
Technically no - her condition is in remission and thus very mild, but I think she'd get more exhausted than the average person and can't really be out in the sun too long.
I don't have any solutions. I can only agree with findly and suggest you not progress the relationship until she is able to pay her debts through regular employment.
I agree not progressing - how can I make that clear if I bring this up to her? I'm not too good at articulating words and arguments. It's easy to find a basic minimum wage job but she feels she has no other skills besides teaching related ones and secretarial/administrative work.
If marriage/kids are important to her I would start the convo off with that.
Tell her you've been thinking a lot about your future and that you see those things with her. Tell her your concern in taking on her debt coupled with everything that comes along with the white picket fence and 2.5 kids. Tell her you don't want your children to inherit her debt-it's not fair. Make it as sympathetic and understanding as possible, but make sure she knows you aren't budging to move the relationship forward until she budges on paying off her debt.
If it's super important to her, this should motivate her.
There are a lot of books with a lot of different philosophies that can help a person dig their way out of debt. Believe it or not, there have been people with more debt that have dug their way out. I really like Dave Ramsey's books (although I should warn you that his Christianity comes out in his writing--just in case that might be offensive to you or your girlfriend). You can usually borrow the books from a library (don't buy them).
As for relationship advice. Please learn from my experience. My now Ex husband had a lot of student debt. When we married I paid it off. He had about $15k in debt (not as much as your girlfriend). But I still resent bailing out a man who eventually left me. By the way, the divorce left me in $30k in debt (upside down house, my Ex had secret credit cards, and in the middle of the divorce my workplace closed down). It was a mess. I am almost 100% dug out of it though with just $7k left two years later.
Anyway, back to the original debt my Ex brought to the marriage. My point is, I wish I had let my Ex pay off his own debts first. Me using my nest egg to bail him out made it so he never "learned" to control his spending and learn how much of a burden debt can be. I wouldn't say break up... but I would recommend waiting on marriage or moving the relationship further until the debt is paid off (or paid down significantly). It will help her (she will learn to manage money really well and learn how bad debt can be) and it will give you peace of mind.
Good luck.
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