I mean really...does sex early on really have any bearings.. (wife, guy)
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on how the dynamic of a relationship will turn out? or is it really a case of "if he likes you, then when you do it, doesn't matter"?
Just curious. I know the 1st date sex question has come up a lot on here, but what about not having sex on the first date...but maybe the 2nd/3rd?
It is only an issue if one or both of the people involved have rather backwards, old-fashioned ideas about sex.
Let's be clear: the ones most often discouraged from having sex "too soon" are women. It is generally taken as a given that men will have sex as soon as the opportunity presents itself. This is rooted in a widespread, if often unstated, belief that men are hyper-sexual, while women are basically asexual.
The idea is that sex is something men take from women, not something men and women share. When a man has sex, it is a victory. When a woman has sex, it is a form of surrender.
It is completely ridiculous, but I am shocked that some people--and interestingly, a lot of young people--still buy this kind of stuff.
Suit yourself. To me, early sex means just playing around for fun. If I am serious, I really want to know the man first and know that we are a good match/solid before sex clouds judgement. It's not a poker game or any kind of game any more than getting to know a person more than a few hours before you give them keys to your house (as an analogy).
So, if I am understanding, you might be willing to have sex early if you are not really serious about a man. But if you really like him, if you see him as relationship material, you make him wait?
Gee, I wonder why some guys decide acting like a jerk is the way to attract women...
you might be willing to have sex early if you are not really serious about a man. But if you really like him, if you see him as relationship material, you make him wait?
that's not uncommon IME. also gals whose sex with (near) strangers is more wild and crazy than with their LTRs
but i no longer really see it as a bad thing. i wouldn't really want to have an LTR with someone who thought like this, but i'd probably have wild and crazy sex with her
So, if I am understanding, you might be willing to have sex early if you are not really serious about a man. But if you really like him, if you see him as relationship material, you make him wait?
Gee, I wonder why some guys decide acting like a jerk is the way to attract women...
I explained my feelings in previous posts - but the thing is - if I feel like I have a great connection with someone and want to have a relationship with them - and I sleep with them right away and never hear from them again - I'm going to be really upset. Sex with someone you have feelings for can deepen the emotional bond. However, if all I'm looking for is to have some fun and don't care whether I ever see the guy again - I'm not going to lose sleep if he disappears off the face of the earth after we sleep together. It's about taking care of my emotional self.
For the record, I've actually never slept with someone on the first date or after knowing them for just a day or so. I have hooked up with a couple guys here and there at parties when I was younger - knowing full well I might never see them again. Unfortunately, I ended up having football tickets right next to one of them!!!
Also, I've never made anyone wait for a set period of time - and like I said previously, there were extenuating circumstances that basically dictated how long we waited in 2 of my major relationships. In the first one, we were both virgins so we waited a long time. And I'm the one who eventually went out and bought the condoms!
But I have friends that are in denial about how attached they get to someone after sleeping with them. Not everyone is the same way - but if you are going to be devastated when someone doesn't call you the next day or return your phone calls - I'd wait to sleep with them until you know that they WILL want to see you again. That might take a few dates, that might take a few weeks, and there are no guarantees - but chances are a lot higher if you wait longer than the first date. And I'd also say that most guys that are LTR material understand this as well.
that's not uncommon IME. also gals whose sex with (near) strangers is more wild and crazy than with their LTRs
but i no longer really see it as a bad thing. i wouldn't really want to have an LTR with someone who thought like this, but i'd probably have wild and crazy sex with her
The wild and crazy sex is definitely reserved for my relationships!
So, if I am understanding, you might be willing to have sex early if you are not really serious about a man. But if you really like him, if you see him as relationship material, you make him wait?
Gee, I wonder why some guys decide acting like a jerk is the way to attract women...
You assume I make them wait and not the other way around.
To be fair, I haven't had a fling in many, many years and I am not really interested in them anymore. They aren't really fun and the sex is usually bad and they are followed up by worry about STDs (did the condom rip?), what if birth control failed, why am I a few days late, etc. But historical yes, a quick and passionate summer romance or a vacation week-long fling is something that would burn itself out and doesn't last. But longer term things seem to go slowly. It's not really a conscious decision--it just is what it is. I am seeing a man now (sort of) who is really slow. He was badly hurt in the past and, I think, just doesn't want to be hurt again and he's taking everything slow. Or maybe he's just not sure about me--which could be the case. We haven't gotten past hugging and kissing yet. I am ready to move on, but he's not and I am not going to push him.
My point is, no one makes anyone "wait" and there is no set rule of 3 dates, 6 months or other teenaged nonsense rules. It happens when we are both ready.
The wild and crazy sex is definitely reserved for my relationships!
although i don't really agree with either, the part about having better sex with flings is definitely weirder to me than the making people wait part. seems those folks are just selling their LTR sex lives short
i was careful to say "not uncommon" rather than "women in general" luckily for me there are gals who want to sex soon and for a long, long time
anyway, there is merit to what RPG was saying, even if the gals who are responding here aren't examples of it. it's one of the weird not entirely healthy twists of dating i've found
although i don't really agree with either, the part about having better sex with flings is definitely weirder to me than the making people wait part. seems those folks are just selling their LTR sex lives short
i was careful to say "not uncommon" rather than "women in general" luckily for me there are gals who want to sex soon and for a long, long time
anyway, there is merit to what RPG was saying, even if the gals who are responding here aren't examples of it. it's one of the weird not entirely healthy twists of dating i've found
Well, I've had very few sexual partners - I was always very selective when it came to that and I have no regrets!!! - but I'd say it takes me awhile to feel really comfortable with someone. The more comfortable I am - the more inhibited I am. That's not something that happens right away.
So, if I am understanding, you might be willing to have sex early if you are not really serious about a man. But if you really like him, if you see him as relationship material, you make him wait?
Gee, I wonder why some guys decide acting like a jerk is the way to attract women...
Lol, that seems to be the mind set of women. They'll let the jerk/bad boy hit it quick, but they'll make the nice guy wait. That's why some men don't respect women and just use them for sex.
on how the dynamic of a relationship will turn out? or is it really a case of "if he likes you, then when you do it, doesn't matter"?
I don't believe it has any bearing with the right guy, but I don't advise it for women because early on you can not distinguish between a man who just wants sex and one who wants more.
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luckily for me there are gals who want to sex soon and for a long, long time 
