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She says she’s wants romance to set the mood for sex, but we are both working 60 hours. I only see her two hours a week, sometimes less. She also doesn’t want to do it when she is stressed
Every week for the last 15 weeks, we have 20 min of foreplay and she gets very wet. When I proceed, she stops me every time and says “I don’t think we should do this right now.” So far, we only have sex once every two weeks. The three times we had sex, she was just going along with the flow.
Her body is ready, but not her mind?
Is this the norm for the average working women in her 40s?
One can still feel used and unwanted and good for nothing but occasional sexual release while still living under the same roof. Ask me how I know.
But your glib "she knows the hours I work" gives me the impression you aren't concerned about spending more time with her and showing her you value her as a person beyond her lady bits.
I'll never understand what this ridiculous magical mood is that (mostly) women need to be in before they can bring themselves to do the most enjoyable thing two people can do together.
And how is stress a reason to not have sex. It's more of a reason to have sex.
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Originally Posted by Ann Onn
One can still feel used and unwanted and good for nothing but occasional sexual release while still living under the same roof. Ask me how I know.
And one can feel incredibly unwanted when their partner continually turns them down for physical affection and sex. Sometimes you have to take one for the sake of your partner, the same way many men would rather get a root canal than listen to their wives/girlfriends "vent" but they do it anyway.
She gets turned on but still wants to stop??
Sounds like she's 'punishing' you even at her own expense.
You obviously need to have a serious talk about your hours, time together, etc.
Sometimes...in the beginning of the relationship, work or no work, duties or no duties, the romance DOES fade, and it can be hard to get all warmed up, in the mood and ready to go with just 120 minutes per week of even seeing one another, much less DTD.
Can you interject a little romance in between? Sweet texts? Send a single flower? Anything to let her know it isn't "Oh, we only have these two hours, let's badda-bing"? You know? I mean that's what it could feel like at times even though you may not be thinking of things that way.
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Every week for the last 15 weeks, we have 20 min of foreplay and she gets very wet
This is what I'm talking about. The way you describe it, it's almost formulaic: "Okay, here we are. Here are your 20 minutes of foreplay. Good, that's done. Now let's get to it."
Let's put it this way, what if you were the type who liked to do little things around the house for your lady...but after the first few exciting weeks or months she started saying every time you came over, "Oh good, I'm so glad you're here! Fix my sink"? Wouldn't that be so different from her appreciating you just for you? It may not be the perfect analogy but when you only concentrate on your lady for sex in very very brief get-togethers it can feel like that. Like that's all she's there for and forget romance or anything else.
So that would be my recommendation. Show her often that you love her for her, even if in romantic texts or something. And find a way to be together for more than two hours a week, if at all humanly possible.
She gets turned on but still wants to stop??
Sounds like she's 'punishing' you even at her own expense.
I don't know about punishment. They only get together once a week, they're having sex every other time. She may just be feeling like it's so formulaic, and she may be giving it an honest go and trying to get into it but then feeling sad/resentful because it's just one-two, here's how we do it, great, let's DTD and then okay, our two weekly hours are up, see you next week. No matter how wet a woman may get, that can feel just...ugh.
It's like...you want to try...but something is really just missing. It isn't just about the mechanics. It isn't just about being wet. There's so much more.
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