Help regarding boyfriend who is a sex/porn addict! (man, attractiveness, husband)

[findly185]

I'm interested in what exactly qualifies as sexual addiction?

[zentropa]

Why does he have to go to NYC to view porn? I am so confused.

[Djuna]

This is no different than living with any other type of addiction. You go to support groups and live with their crappy behaviour and play the codependent role until you get sick of it. Trust me, it gets old after a while keeping your life on hold while they squander away all your goodwill and love and support.

[Dollydo]

Read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, and, get some therapy for you. You cannot help him, he has a nasty addiction that will not get better without intense long term therapy, and, some never get better.

You are too young to waste your life on him, he is not worth it.

[capitol]

yourbrainonporn.com

tell him to read it

[EntropyGuardian]

Originally Posted by zentropa

Why does he have to go to NYC to view porn? I am so confused.

That's where they keep the good stuff.

[intelfan11315]

I'd call it normal if it wasn't for the tranny part

[beachrunnerjm]

I encourage you reach out to S-Anon or COSA - they are both 12 step groups for people affected by sex addiction, based on Alanon. You can google S-Anon and on their website is a directory of local chapters to find meetings.

There is absolutely nothing you can do to control or stop his addiction, nothing. Period. Try to turn to focus on taking care of you. Sorry you are going through this.

[halfamazing]

Originally Posted by Nallia1

Please try to read this with an open mind as the situation is pretty unorthodox.

I have an appointment to see his psychiatrist for advice on Friday but I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has advice for me.

Thanks.

This is not an attempt to undermine you or personally attack you.

Shut it down.... turn off your computer and just walk away if you insist on being in denial or accept the advice that any reasonable and or prudent person reading your "cry for help" would lend.

I won't undermine your efforts or your willingness to assist him in this matter as you may be no different the he (in the world of fantasy). I understand the place of which you are coming from and it is a place of darkness, insecurity, thrill, excitement, and disorder. Had not it been for the potential physical abuse or chaotic behavior he employed, you too would have probably indulged in or took part in his fantasies. Some people like the thrill. Some people like it rough. That is about the extent of "open-minded" you will get.

But forget all of that- let us cut through all the wax and get to the core of things. It's not about what could have been a healthy, yet exciting relationship, it's about your attempt to deviate from reality...

Perception of Denial by any reasonable and or prudent person reading your OP:

You knowingly and willingly reunited with him despite his issues.
You knowingly and willingly came on here to express your issues fully knowing the responses you would receive
You respond with such confidence writing "nope" when asked about his sexual activity with others as if you are protecting him.
You state that he knows everything about you as if you have no other choice.
You are seeking advice regarding our experiences in dealing with sexual addictions in hopes that we can guide you (while deliberately denying the fact that he has issues far greater than his addiction)
You confidently and proudly give praise to executive status in order to justify what?
You chose not see anyone because you knew he was in love with you as if you were protecting him.
You got back together after 1.5 years but still continued to protect his feelings by not moving on.
You reject his attempts to force intimacy upon you yet, you still insist on giving praise to his attractiveness- again protecting him while in the state of denial.
You feel terrible that you rejected him and despite his history (it was your first time rejecting him- really?)
You are at your wit's end but you know that he loves you very much (again protecting him)
You received a call from his PA (you are not even married- let alone living together as a family)

You have an appointment with his psychiatrist.... again; you are protecting him hoping that he will get better ( not only for his sake but for the sake of possibly of "working things out" because "you love him, he knows everything about you, his is generous, he loves you", etc...

He truly wanted to change...but anyone who knows anything about addiction knows that triggers and periods of high stress can cause relapse.

Again, you are hoping for something by trying to understand the process of his condition.

You really need to stop seeking medical advice and leave it to the professional. You will do regardless of what we tell you as it seems you came here just to justify your actions with the hopes of someone can provide you assistance and deep down inside you can make it all go away and you live happily ever after... But, since you are in denial, you will try to counter every sentence and or try to give an explanation or attempt to correct my point of view in order for me to re-arrange my thinking and align it with yours so that you can be justified in your own train of thought and doings..

(response to your- "I don't want to get back with him, I just want to help him as I have known him a long time and we have history" ) Well, if you really do care about him, leave the process to the professionals and be there as a friend for a distance but it is not your job to figure things out...

[nokiddin]

decide just to be his friend and get into a more healthy loving relationship. this guy will bring you tumbling down with him every time he relapses. he has a life long disease that will affect his employment, relationships, and personal well being.

and frankly it doesn't sound like porn is the only thing he is addicted to.