This is What I Get For Being Honest? (guy, love, attracted)
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I have the feeling no matter how you would have worded anything you said it would be taken wrong and I see nothing wrong with what you said and why you said it.
Ok I agree. How should I fix it without making things worse?
Use CPG's Patented Five-Part Plan:
1) Take her to dinner.
2) Tell her that you just said something really stupid.
3) Tell her that you are proud of her at all times.
4) Tell her that you have her back at all times, without exception.
5) Order creme brulee.
I disagree with the others OP. You did the right thing by being honest. You truly felt skeptical about helping her. Why lie or pretend as if you don't? You've been burned in the past by her behavior. That's why you brought it up. If you can't bring it up now, when can you bring it up?
There's no way to fix it. It sounds like this woman is the type who doesn't like to claim responsibility for her own actions. No wonder she's losing her job. If she was a good worker then she wouldn't lose her job so easily.
That's the issue about being honest, it comes with consequences and they aren't always good consequences. When you're talking about a career and income, especially an income that could be quite adequate, it's hard to give an honest opinion and still be supportive. Someone mentioned on a thread yesterday, that most people have already made up their mind of what they want to do, and if you're not step by step with them, there's a better chance that they will feel you don't support them or believe in them.
Her husband is being honest that he has his reservations. He's even stepping up and saying that he can support the two of them if she's out of work till she finds a job more accomodating to her needs. With this situation, how do they both win? If she stays, she's more stressed out. If she leaves, and stays out of work for a while, she feels bad because she's not providing.
I've had my honest opinion in relationships before and it didn't bode well at all, because the person had made up their mind of what they wanted to do and I disagreed. The same has also happened with me as well, when I had already made up my mind too. It's the way of life and two people either try and figure out how to make the situation work or they split ways and go on their own.
It's a shame that I've made much of life black and white decisions. We're either in it together or we're out of it together.
I always feel hesitant to recommend counseling, because I think when people come here for advice it's mainly as an alternative to counseling, but I think it might really help you two and make you a lot happier together.
I think you two need some coaching in certain basic communication methods, and that it will do wonders. And if she is out of work she will have the free time .
I disagree with the others OP. You did the right thing by being honest. You truly felt skeptical about helping her. Why lie or pretend as if you don't? You've been burned in the past by her behavior. That's why you brought it up. If you can't bring it up now, when can you bring it up?
There's no way to fix it. It sounds like this woman is the type who doesn't like to claim responsibility for her own actions. No wonder she's losing her job. If she was a good worker then she wouldn't lose her job so easily.
I do appreciate the advice. In my Wife's defense she is an excellent worker who would not have risen to the title of Sr. V.P. if she wasn't. The play for power has nothing to do with her job performance. She is the only one in the company who got them up to national standards and she was rewarded accordingly. The jealousy and stab in the back politics is something she has never had to deal with.
I do appreciate the advice. In my Wife's defense she is an excellent worker who would not have risen to the title of Sr. V.P. if she wasn't. The play for power has nothing to do with her job performance. She is the only one in the company who got them up to national standards and she was rewarded accordingly. The jealousy and stab in the back politics is something she has never had to deal with.
Yeah. That kind of stuff happens the higher you get in an organization. And the awful thing about it is that you can do your job to perfection and still get hosed. That probably has a great deal to do with her state of mind at the moment. She already doesn't trust the world as it is.
I think it's hard to know what "emotional support" and "having someone's back" means. These are fuzzy terms. It's not like you are literally standing behind her with a weapon in case she is attacked from the back. So what does that mean? Is it simple cheerleading? Trying to help? Sympathy and hugs? Support means different things to different people. SKP, it sounds like you do not know what to do and voiced that. Apologizing won't help you know what to do, although creme brulee does go a long way with me. You said, "All I meant was--" which indicates you didn't express yourself very well and she misunderstood. Fix that and perhaps ask her what she needs from you right now.
I always feel hesitant to recommend counseling, because I think when people come here for advice it's mainly as an alternative to counseling, but I think it might really help you two and make you a lot happier together.
I think you two need some coaching in certain basic communication methods, and that it will do wonders. And if she is out of work she will have the free time .
Nah. I just think his wife is irrational and possibly not quite as attracted to hubby as before and its her way of lashing out.
In my Wife's defense she is an excellent worker who would not have risen to the title of Sr. V.P. if she wasn't. The play for power has nothing to do with her job performance. She is the only one in the company who got them up to national standards and she was rewarded accordingly. The jealousy and stab in the back politics is something she has never had to deal with.
Telling her you "get" this will go a long way toward making her feel supported by you
So follow cpg and Julia's advice - take her out to dinner, tell her the above, tell her you are sorry if the way you worded anything in sharing your honest feelings made her feel you weren't being supportive and assure her you DO want to give her what she needs, so you are asking her to tell you now how you can best help her through this.
Then, do order that creme brulee and end the night on a sweet note.
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