Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I didn't have a lot of close male friends.... I had one male best friend who lived far away & had several other close female friends (and still does to this day). I do think he falls in love with all of his female friends, but I think he is the one being naive. There is enough distance there that we can truly be friends without him developing romantic feelings for me; he takes a brotherly view of me now.
When younger, I had some male "friends" who were more like friendly acquaintances in my social groups or in my classes. We did not call each other or hang out alone or develop any emotional closeness.
The few male friends I had who singled me out at all attention-wise DID like me romantically, and yes I was naive about it. However, these few experiences opened my eyes & I learned that when a guy calls/emails/texts you a lot to talk & wants to hang out alone & pay for everything, it's not just cuz he's nice & wants to be buddies. However, these guys are naive also...they never made their intentions/feelings clear & seemed to operate off a lot of assumptions also. No one got hurt or taken advantage of, so it was a natural learning process for all.
In my early 20s, I did have two male friends who were long-distance that I liked a bit romantically, and while they could be flirty & indicate some interest in me, I don't believe they wanted to date me. One was emotionally erratic and seemed to swing between romantic interest in me & a kind of contempt. I totally would've dated him if he didn't let his emotional issues get in the way (now I am glad it didn't happen). After one of his outbursts, I broke off contact with him.
The other male friend was also very self-absorbed, but far more socially charismatic, & he seemed to enjoy the emotional support & attention women gave him. He had a ton of pretty & cool female friends, many others who had apparent crushes on him, but none were good enough for him. He had some impossible ideal & tended to obsess over the one female friend who DIDN'T have a crush on him (and she was far from the prettiest; he was clearly masochistic).
I'm not open to casual sex, and that's likely where the issue comes for some guys who find their female friends attractive - the woman is not going to want to just "hook up", so he either has to pursue a relationship, get over it & view her more as a sister, or cease the friendship if he doesn't value it for what it is.
My whole argument that males and females have different temperament and behavior that make them incompatible as friends. Gay males, bisexual males, and heterosexual males all have the same temperaments and behavior that makes them drastically different from females.
Nah. People are individuals and their temperaments vary a lot within their gender.
I know a lot of arty, sensitive guys who like to have female friends because they can talk about certain things the average guy doesn't generally get into. No doubt these men are a minority, but they exist nonetheless. Perhaps they do single out women they find attractive to develop friendships with, but why not act on the attraction? If they don't want a relationship & the woman doesn't want a hook-up, then why stick around? Obviously they've decided the friendship itself has value that makes it worth maintaining.
And of course this brings up the question of why gay men would develop friendships with straight women... or is it the woman pining away hopelessly in that situation?
I think a better grasp of why people choose attractive people of the opposite sex to befriend is that people are drawn to attractive people, period. There is a bias to hire & befriend attractive people, regardless of whether you actually want to have sex with them or date them. Even among hetero people, they may be drawn to good-looking people of their own gender over the uglier ones. It's just human to be drawn to beauty. That doesn't devalue any personal connection that develops.
A key point some people miss. You would be surprised how many young attractive women, don't see themselves as that desirable. Self esteem issues and the like. A couple of girls I've dated are classic cases and points. Therefore they don't necessarily see their guy friends who have a lot going for themselves, as wanting to bed them.
There is a big difference between "wants you for sex" and "would have sex with you if he had the chance".
There are plenty of women whom I consider friends. Many of them are women I find attractive. However, that's where it ends. I'm married and faithful.
However, if you ask the question "would you have sex with XXXXX if you were single and you had the chance" - the answer may well be yes, but all that means is she's an attractive woman in my eyes. It does not mean I actively *want* to have sex with her. It just means she's somebody whom is attractive enough that, in the right circumstances (such as, me not being married and faithful, and her being mutually interested) sex could happen.
Nah. People are individuals and their temperaments vary a lot within their gender.
I know a lot of arty, sensitive guys who like to have female friends because they can talk about certain things the average guy doesn't generally get into. No doubt these men are a minority, but they exist nonetheless. Perhaps they do single out women they find attractive to develop friendships with, but why not act on the attraction? If they don't want a relationship & the woman doesn't want a hook-up, then why stick around? Obviously they've decided the friendship itself has value that makes it worth maintaining.
And of course this brings up the question of why gay men would develop friendships with straight women... or is it the woman pining away hopelessly in that situation?
I think a better grasp of why people choose attractive people of the opposite sex to befriend is that people are drawn to attractive people, period. There is a bias to hire & befriend attractive people, regardless of whether you actually want to have sex with them or date them. Even among hetero people, they may be drawn to good-looking people of their own gender over the uglier ones. It's just human to be drawn to beauty. That doesn't devalue any personal connection that develops.
I liked having female friends when I was younger, because I could talk to them about my dating life, and try to get their female perspective on things. On some subjects, a male friend might just say "man up and quit whining" where a woman may give actual, useful advice.
Approaching this topic from a different angle: Wouldn't most women be discouraged if they knew that their male friends had no sexual feelings for them? This has been brought up but not fully addressed. And I'm not talking about being friends with your ex. When you've been in a relationship with someone, you've already validated their sexual worth. I'm talking about people who have been nothing but friends.
I'm friends with a few females of whom I have absolutely no romantic interests in. They're decent looking, but I'd never want a relationship with them & I have no desires pursue anything sexual.
Wouldn't a women rather have her guy friends drooling over her in the freindzone vs. the latter; being around a bunch of men who want nothing to do with her sexually?
Maybe it just depends on the women & her level of attractiveness. This is a very grey area & like many others have said I don't think there's a strait answer...there never will be.
You are such a man. Women don't want to be "validated" sexually by all men in their lives. This is how men think.
There's lots more. What it really comes down to is that most women will say that they can be just friends with men, but most men will say that they really want more out of the relationship.
You are such a man. Women don't want to be "validated" sexually by all men in their lives. This is how men think.
I wish you didn't add the last sentence. You're initial point is spot on (the guy's 3 year old post was ridiculous and classically played right into an archaic generalization of women), but then you came right back with a sweeping generalization of all men. One that's wrong, by the way.
I think this is an interesting question. And the OP, way back in 2013, made the mistake of saying younger women are naive. I disagree with that piece of it. I think there are a LOT of instances in which a woman will be platonic friends with a man who would have sex with her if the opportunity arose. But I don't necessarily think that the woman is naive about it. I know plenty of women with male friends who know that the men would have sex with them if the opportunity arose. They may brush it of and say "oh no, we're just friends!" because that's all it is/ ever will be for them (even if it's different for the men).
I can't think of a relationship I've ever been in where my girlfriend hasn't had 1 or more guy friend who I knew would sleep with her if he had the chance. I've never cared, precisely because my girlfriends were NOT naive about it. They were clear with their friends about where their relationship stood, and they didn't do anything to mislead the men. And to be fair, the guys were really good friends for the most part. I became friends with them. So the OP is selling the guys short too. I have good friendships with some women I'm also sexually attracted to to an extent. Many guys have and still do.
Women are not naive, and men are capable of not trying to plow anyone with different equipment. I think that the fact that the OP is so concerned about "Naive women" says a lot about his own insecurities. Hopefully in the 4 years since the original post, the OP has learned that women can, you know, not fall victim to every man's sexual desires.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
