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Unfortunately, you seemed more like a place holder or back up plan until something else came along. Just because you are both into the same things doesn't mean anything. Women love a little drama in their life, they don't want to be with a carbon copy male version of themselves.
Sorry guys. I am actually a veteran of this site, but I had to protect my reputation. LOL
I am sorry about the long blabber, but there is a lot of hurt and I wrote it out for therapy and some insights. I appreciate even the smart-ass comments but I thank those you who offered some support and advice. Thanks.
You had a marriage that started from youth, it was based on immature ideals, you had several children, left, divorced, and your kids found you and returned to you. You connected with another woman that you knew during your marriage, but by the time you met, the marriage was dead. You and this new woman had a companionship. There was a lot in common. You were able to sexually ignite each other - this is really not that hard to do - you only have to listen and feel. You remained in touch for a long while until she essentially pared you out of her life and dropped you. By that time she had taken up with an old boyfriend and all the feelings for her from years ago towards him returned. She's giddy with this fellow and you are on the sidelines. You are hurting and licking your wounds. What does this all mean, is your question.
You had a very immature first relationship that ended and you had clarity on it while it was foundering and dying, THEN you were not able to see (and she did not communicate with you) that you had an imbalanced relationship with the second woman, although she continued to get the favors from you. And that ended before you got jaded and realized you were doing more of the work and giving. The woman in the second relationship was not all that into you and put up a good front for an extended period of time. She took what she could and kept you 2nd best while she held out in her heart for number one. He came out from no where (surprise!) and captured her.
You had two long term relationships that ended poorly simply because you fell in infatuation and threw out intellect when the love you thought you had knocked at the door. I would suggest you may be misguided about relationships and not looking fully and purely at the basic balance of give and take between two people. You may be a good fellow but you wound up with two woman with whom you ultimately became miserable. You can commit easily and quickly but don't see danger signs along the way, just remain in love until you are left at the curb.
Get some counseling to find why you don't pick women who match you from the beginning in intensity, in giving, and in commitment. They are on the gravy train with you until the relationships are augured into the ground. It will do better than writing anonymously on a message board to work with someone in a therapeutic relationship based on trust and transparency as a means of getting at what you really need. No one here will know who you are and a counselor (not a bartender, not a friend, but someone who can objectively ID your needs and call you out) may do a better job at calling you on your short-comings and give you some common sense help and support. I am truly sorry for your difficulties. I hope you can get a clear head. It will go further in getting you out of your misery.
I think you should just let it go. People break up all the time. You overthink. Focus on the simple things you can control. There's nothing you can do about the past. Go on a hike or something with your kids.
Dumped...did her reasons make sense or was their an ulterior motive working.
Sorry, man.
I think the only that matters is the outcome in either case is the same... she doesn't want to be with you.
I'm sorry.
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It didn't work out. Sorry. ((Hugs)). Time will lessen the pain. Sorry to read this.
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