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One of the reasons I'm so "shy" is I, like other guys, feel like it's against the rules to act sexy around women or really flirt with them (and small talk is not flirting, people).
Then I read or hear stuff, like on these forums one woman said she gets hot when she knows a man wants her, or one video person on youtube mentioned that you have to show attraction to get noticed by someone that way.
I'd prefer to be direct in asking women out. But nowadays you have to ask for a "hang out". Whatever women's apprehension is, it's strong, so many women "want to be friends first", but that seems like a load of baloney, and just the whole woman-apprehension thing gone haywire. How the hell are we supposed to know what we're doing unless we know what we're doing.
I'm thinking I might like to actually show attraction to a woman I'm talking to, the old fashioned way, with my facial features and body languag. It doesn't have to be like coming on super-strong, but just, you know, actually there. I just feel like the second I do that I'll be rejected and assumed to be a violent rapist like our "almost-raped" hysterical feminist society would suggest.
It's been said that we're kind of a neutered society after the cultural revolution, women don't know how to act like women, and ditto men. Anybody feels that's true? And maybe I should just not play along?
One of the reasons I'm so "shy" is I, like other guys, feel like it's against the rules to act sexy around women or really flirt with them (and small talk is not flirting, people).
Then I read or hear stuff, like on these forums one woman said she gets hot when she knows a man wants her, or one video person on youtube mentioned that you have to show attraction to get noticed by someone that way.
I'd prefer to be direct in asking women out. But nowadays you have to ask for a "hang out". Whatever women's apprehension is, it's strong, so many women "want to be friends first", but that seems like a load of baloney, and just the whole woman-apprehension thing gone haywire. How the hell are we supposed to know what we're doing unless we know what we're doing.
I'm thinking I might like to actually show attraction to a woman I'm talking to, the old fashioned way, with my facial features and body languag. It doesn't have to be like coming on super-strong, but just, you know, actually there. I just feel like the second I do that I'll be rejected and assumed to be a violent rapist like our "almost-raped" hysterical feminist society would suggest.
It's been said that we're kind of a neutered society after the cultural revolution, women don't know how to act like women, and ditto men. Anybody feels that's true? And maybe I should just not play along?
I think your knee-jerk hostility to feminism is part of your problem.
Despite what you say, having a woman reject you doesn't mean she is suddenly going to see you as a potential rapist. Men get rejected by women every day, and very rarely does she call the cops on him.
You come across in your post as a guy who feels he is an "oppressed male." You sound like you have a pretty big chip on your shoulder. I would bet that is why woman are not as receptive to you as you'd like.
Women want men who have the balls to show attraction and respect for boundaries, simultaneously.
Feminism is all about getting more and better sex for everyone. And the way to do that is to make sure women feel safe enough to let their inner tiger-woman out.
So show her that you want her, and that you would rather die than impose yourself on her.
I think your knee-jerk hostility to feminism is part of your problem.
Despite what you say, having a woman reject you doesn't mean she is suddenly going to see you as a potential rapist. Men get rejected by women every day, and very rarely does she call the cops on him.
You come across in your post as a guy who feels he is an "oppressed male." You sound like you have a pretty big chip on your shoulder. I would bet that is why woman are not as receptive to you as you'd like.
^^This. I'm the way I am because of other people". No personal responsibility or accountability in there at all.
And the OP seems paralyzed by either fear or just assumptions of what the reaction "might" be if he made any move at all, so he doesn't, and blames everyone else for it instead.
I'd prefer to be direct in asking women out. But nowadays you have to ask for a "hang out". Whatever women's apprehension is, it's strong, so many women "want to be friends first", but that seems like a load of baloney, and just the whole woman-apprehension thing gone haywire. How the hell are we supposed to know what we're doing unless we know what we're doing.
That's because women are full of ****. You'll never hear them say they just want to be friends first with the hot guy in the group. They care about looks just as much as men.
The biggest mistake any guy could ever make is going the friend's first route. Just be upfront. Yes, you'll get rejected a ton, but the end result is better than trying to slowly get to know a woman. Every guy who has played the game that way will tell you how bad the results are.
There are probably a few women who won't date a guy until they really get to know them, and will reject you if you ask them out right away where you might have had a chance if you played it slow. Screw it. They lose.
One of the reasons I'm so "shy" is I, like other guys, feel like it's against the rules to act sexy around women or really flirt with them (and small talk is not flirting, people).
Then I read or hear stuff, like on these forums one woman said she gets hot when she knows a man wants her, or one video person on youtube mentioned that you have to show attraction to get noticed by someone that way.
I'd prefer to be direct in asking women out. But nowadays you have to ask for a "hang out". Whatever women's apprehension is, it's strong, so many women "want to be friends first", but that seems like a load of baloney, and just the whole woman-apprehension thing gone haywire. How the hell are we supposed to know what we're doing unless we know what we're doing.
I'm thinking I might like to actually show attraction to a woman I'm talking to, the old fashioned way, with my facial features and body languag. It doesn't have to be like coming on super-strong, but just, you know, actually there. I just feel like the second I do that I'll be rejected and assumed to be a violent rapist like our "almost-raped" hysterical feminist society would suggest.
It's been said that we're kind of a neutered society after the cultural revolution, women don't know how to act like women, and ditto men. Anybody feels that's true? And maybe I should just not play along?
The problem isn't with being neutered. It's that you're neurotic. All this stuff is all in your head, and I don't mean the little one either.
Just stroll up to a woman you're attracted to and let her know that in ways not cribbed from some cheesy pickup artist book or in ways that suggest you think she's merely a life-support system for a vagina.
It's really not that hard, but you're making it that way with a bunch of ginned-up gender relationship nonsense.
Despite what you say, having a woman reject you doesn't mean she is suddenly going to see you as a potential rapist. Men get rejected by women every day, and very rarely does she call the cops on him.
Except that with new campus codes, and sexual harassment law in general, one histrionic woman actually CAN ruin a man's life
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I would bet that is why woman are not as receptive to you as you'd like.
Like I implied, there's not way to know because I don't approach/ask women out enough to find out
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Feminism is all about getting more and better sex for everyone. And the way to do that is to make sure women feel safe enough to let their inner tiger-woman out.
Except for telling all women in college that literally every other guy is going to rape her (not in so many words, but that's basically the message), and mixing that hang-up with already-instilled traditional ****-shaming values, backed up by women-friend-jealousy ****-shaming just for getting a date even once, and feminism does anything but that. Women end up projecting their shame for their desires into imagining men want to rape them.
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^^This. I'm the way I am because of other people". No personal responsibility or accountability in there at all.
I get that it's my job to change, but it isn't always easy given my life history.
Part of the problem is I grew up in a traditional, foreign household, and in those cultures people have a composure in their social interactions. The way a person acts often has NOTHING to do with what they're like on the inside, and Americans don't seem to understand this. So in public I'm pretty "shy"... not shy, what's the word, not outgoing? Or maybe it's just me in my family, because my family was abusive extremely expressive with their severe personality disorders, and made ME feel like crap whenever I spoke up, so for a long time I had learned never to speak up.
Except that with new campus codes, and sexual harassment law in general, one histrionic woman actually CAN ruin a man's life
Like I implied, there's not way to know because I don't approach/ask women out enough to find out
Except for telling all women in college that literally every other guy is going to rape her (not in so many words, but that's basically the message), and mixing that hang-up with already-instilled traditional ****-shaming values, backed up by women-friend-jealousy ****-shaming just for getting a date even once, and feminism does anything but that. Women end up projecting their shame for their desires into imagining men want to rape them.
I get that it's my job to change, but it isn't always easy given my life history.
Part of the problem is I grew up in a traditional, foreign household, and in those cultures people have a composure in their social interactions. The way a person acts often has NOTHING to do with what they're like on the inside, and Americans don't seem to understand this. So in public I'm pretty "shy"... not shy, what's the word, not outgoing? Or maybe it's just me in my family, because my family was abusive extremely expressive with their severe personality disorders, and made ME feel like crap whenever I spoke up, so for a long time I had learned never to speak up.
Man, I'm not trying to be harsh here, but this all borders on navel gazing. Heck, if you drive a car more than 100 yards, you're likely going to commit a traffic infraction. So? Quit worrying about the rules. Women like guys who have the essential guts to show their attraction, as long as they aren't acting like sailors on 48-hour shore leave after being at sea for months.
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