S/he gave a child up for adoption? (dating, marry, woman)
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You are dating someone with the idea that you might marry them. She or he tells you that s/he once gave a child up for adoption. How do you feel? And is this better or worse than having an (early) abortion?
This has only come up in conversation once for me, IRL, that I can recall. My (poly) bf was dating a woman who had given up two kids for adoption, and he was talking to me about his feelings about it. He said, 'She abandoned her children'. I think this in part had to do with his feelings about his own mom -- when she and his dad divorced, his dad got custody, and he felt abandoned by his mom.
When I imagine being in his shoes, I feel uncomfortable too. It kind of creeps me out, the idea that my lover would have a kid out there who they never saw or took care of.
This is hypocritical of me maybe, because, if my life had gone the way I planned, I would have adopted a kid or two. (I mean, kids others gave birth to, that I raised.)
This has only come up in conversation once for me, IRL, that I can recall. My (poly) bf was dating a woman who had given up two kids for adoption, and he was talking to me about his feelings about it. He said, 'She abandoned her children'. I think this in part had to do with his feelings about his own mom -- when she and his dad divorced, his dad got custody, and he felt abandoned by his mom.
When I imagine being in his shoes, I feel uncomfortable too. It kind of creeps me out, the idea that my lover would have a kid out there who they never saw or took care of.
This is hypocritical of me maybe, because, if my life had gone the way I planned, i would have adopted a kid or two. (I mean, kids others gave birth to, that I raised.)
And what about your feelings on the poll on the other thread?
You are dating someone with the idea that you might marry them. She or he tells you that s/he once gave a child up for adoption. How do you feel? And is this better or worse than having an (early) abortion?
I really wouldn't like either option. I know accidents happen and so on but really if you're responsible its not very likely you'd be in a situation where you have an unplanned pregnancy or a kid you need to get rid of. So that is a major turn off for me. I mean its not that hard to do the double protection routine.
If I had to pick I'd say giving it up for adoption is better because I don't really agree with the idea of an abortion to cover up your mistakes.
Never came up for me...hard to say how I'd react. A childhood friend of mine found out when we were teenagers that she had an older sister kicking around somewhere, a child her dad had fathered when he was a teen, who was put up for adoption. I suppose it's the sort of thing I'd rather know than not know, and know early on rather than have it pop up years into a relationship.
You are dating someone with the idea that you might marry them. She or he tells you that s/he once gave a child up for adoption. How do you feel? And is this better or worse than having an (early) abortion?
I don't see why this should change anything if both parties are committed to making a life together.
You are dating someone with the idea that you might marry them. She or he tells you that s/he once gave a child up for adoption. How do you feel? And is this better or worse than having an (early) abortion?
If anything, the fact she had an abortion or gave a child up for adoption might make me respect her more.
It proves she is an adult. It proves she someone capable of taking control of her life and making tough decisions. Too many people don't do that. Too many people just drift through life having kids they don't want or aren't ready for, and then complain how unlucky and miserable they are. Too many people act like it is 1953 instead of 2013.
If anything, the fact she had an abortion or gave a child up for adoption might make me respect her more.
It proves she is an adult. It proves she someone capable of taking control of her life and making tough decisions. Too many people don't do that. Too many people just drift through life having kids they don't want or aren't ready for, and then complain how unlucky and miserable they are. Too many people act like it is 1953 instead of 2013.
Completely agree with this.
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