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How am I judging anyone harshly? I'm simply stating a fact - we all have control over our own lives. If you don't want to change anything - then nothing will change.
I'm not sure what you are looking for. I don't actually know you so I'm not sure how I can be more specific. You have said that you've never tried - and I'm telling you that if you never try, you'll never get anywhere. What specifics are you looking for?
You can justify anything you want to - but it's not going to change anything. And the signs you are referring to don't seem to be clear.
Here's the thing. I talk to people. Yes, I'm married so I'm not looking for anything - but I've always talked to people. I'll talk to people in line, I'll talk to people around me, if I feel like saying something - I will. And most of the time - people are very friendly and a nice conversation will ensue. Now - if I was single, perhaps something would come out of one of these conversations. Maybe not. But at least it would have been a possibility.
no ! , your stating opinions and I don't fully accept that we all have control over our lives , especially not for the early crucial years , the years which devastating experiences often cement our personalities
Its quite possible that a man could go through life believing that women are not interested in him. I know several men who have had just this experience. Women expect men to pursue, to be the object of love and affection. If these men do not put themselves in a servant mode, that is to pursue, to ask them out, entertain them with dinner, movies, drinks etc., then in most cases, women will not pursue them. Some men also have this idea because they tried the traditional methods of obtaining female companionship and these attempts failed so they give up. As to what can change the man's mind, I have no idea. There are many men in the world, like the character in the "40 year old virgin." These are no necessarily man/child characters. They just simply do not pursue women, but live their lives pursuing their interests as a single man and are content with that and happy with their choice.
I find the signals extremely clear especially since they have nasty looks on their faces when they turn away. I have seen this many times. Why would I approach or start a conversation when clearly women do not want me too.
Here's some practical advice. Approach this problem the way you would getting feedback on a job interview. Go to your closest woman friend and confide in her until you get some real truthful answers- not things said to keep from hurting your feelings....
When an appropriate moment comes up, tell your friend you'd like to have a girlfriend but feel that you may turn women off for some reason. Keep after her until she tells you what the issue might be. Believe me, she'll know. Be prepared for the feedback, but keep in mind that it could be something very correctible.
Some guys are pretty clueless about clothes and hygiene issues for example. The other thing they are often clueless about is what women might be approachable by them. They all go for the head cheerleader with the artificially enhanced bust instead of the quiet sweet girl with glasses, etc.
Here's some practical advice. Approach this problem the way you would getting feedback on a job interview. Go to your closest woman friend and confide in her until you get some real truthful answers- not things said to keep from hurting your feelings....
When an appropriate moment comes up, tell your friend you'd like to have a girlfriend but feel that you may turn women off for some reason. Keep after her until she tells you what the issue might be. Believe me, she'll know. Be prepared for the feedback, but keep in mind that it could be something very correctible.
Some guys are pretty clueless about clothes and hygiene issues for example. The other thing they are often clueless about is what women might be approachable by them. They all go for the head cheerleader with the artificially enhanced bust instead of the quiet sweet girl with glasses, etc.
You took the words right out of my mouth! jma, have you talked to your woman friends about this?
no ! , your stating opinions and I don't fully accept that we all have control over our lives , especially not for the early crucial years , the years which devastating experiences often cement our personalities
Honestly, posts like this just make me sad. Look - we only have one life to live. If you want to spend it blaming others for your lot in life - that's fine - but where is it getting you? Nobody's personality is so cemented that it is going to prevent them from being happy. As my husband says, you can't change what happens to you but you can change how you feel about it. There are people that have real crises that they have overcome. I'm sorry - but never putting yourself out there in the dating world and therefore never dating is not one of those major crises.
I'm not saying that you can control every event in your life - but you can control how you deal with these events. And you can control your attitude.
Here's some practical advice. Approach this problem the way you would getting feedback on a job interview. Go to your closest woman friend and confide in her until you get some real truthful answers- not things said to keep from hurting your feelings....
When an appropriate moment comes up, tell your friend you'd like to have a girlfriend but feel that you may turn women off for some reason. Keep after her until she tells you what the issue might be. Believe me, she'll know. Be prepared for the feedback, but keep in mind that it could be something very correctible.
Some guys are pretty clueless about clothes and hygiene issues for example. The other thing they are often clueless about is what women might be approachable by them. They all go for the head cheerleader with the artificially enhanced bust instead of the quiet sweet girl with glasses, etc.
The all got married and moved away. The last one about 10 years ago. I have neither seen nor spoken to any of them since their marriages. Not for any bad reason only I deemed it inappropriate to continue. I don't know where they are.
Here's some practical advice. Approach this problem the way you would getting feedback on a job interview. Go to your closest woman friend and confide in her until you get some real truthful answers- not things said to keep from hurting your feelings....
When an appropriate moment comes up, tell your friend you'd like to have a girlfriend but feel that you may turn women off for some reason. Keep after her until she tells you what the issue might be. Believe me, she'll know. Be prepared for the feedback, but keep in mind that it could be something very correctible.
Some guys are pretty clueless about clothes and hygiene issues for example. The other thing they are often clueless about is what women might be approachable by them. They all go for the head cheerleader with the artificially enhanced bust instead of the quiet sweet girl with glasses, etc.
I'll tell you what, for the first time in awhile, I actually received a smile from a girl I made eye contact with that wasn't in a scenario where they had to act friendly or happy. It happens, some guys just do not strike many girls' fancy, and don't receive more than a few smiles on an annual basis.
You took the words right out of my mouth! jma, have you talked to your woman friends about this?
Chances are if they are on here for advice, they don't have any close women friends they are willing to talk about their lives with.
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