What's the shortest way to stop someone from guilt tripping you?

[Tele-Cat]

Originally Posted by silverwing

Many times, the parent takes the "la la la. I don't hear you!" attitude, or tries to enforce the "remember! I gave birth/fathered you so don't be back talking me" stance, meaning you have to get down and dirty.

My mother is dead. When informed of her death I danced around the house singing "Ding-dong..."

She was a rage addict. She hated every woman I was ever with. I had not seen her for 13 years before her death. Our last conversation went like this

TC: "I told you raging at me was not acceptable, it's a boundary and you're blowing right through it. Again."

DeadMom: "I gave you life and I can take it away!" (I was 46 at the time).

TC: "Have fun dying alone." Click.

TC: Hello, CellProvider Customer Service, I need to change my phone number RIGHT NOW!"

CPCS: "Done."

Never got a call from her again. Never missed her, not even once.

[silverwing]

Originally Posted by NilaJones

<major snippage> is this something to punish them for?

You seem to be confusing 'consequences' with 'punishment.'

If you've gone through the entire JADE (Justify Argue Defend Explain) process and the situation doesn't change, then it comes down to saying "because you are doing (insert untenable behavior), I am going to do (insert action you intend to take)." That's not punishment. In fact, it is a basic tenet of parenting which, unfortunately, sometimes has to be turned around once the child becomes an adult.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by silverwing

You seem to be confusing 'consequences' with 'punishment.'

If you've gone through the entire JADE (Justify Argue Defend Explain) process and the situation doesn't change, then it comes down to saying "because you are doing (insert untenable behavior), I am going to do (insert action you intend to take)." That's not punishment. In fact, it is a basic tenant of parenting which, unfortunately, sometimes has to be turned around once the child becomes an adult.

Exactly. It's a basic tenet of ALL relationships.

Holding someone accountable for the way they treat you is not punishment. It's maturity. Also, just because someone is your parent does not make them immune to these tenets.

Adult-adult communication is a tricky balance to achieve in a parent-child relationship, but it is normal and necessary. And if someone guilt-trips you because they have a psychological issue, it is HIGHLY unlikely that they are going to change after a sit-down with you.

Sometimes we get parents who excel at unconditional love and adult communication, and sometimes we don't. All you can do is assert your boundaries, but you cannot change the way they behave and react.