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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
I don't believe relationships were ever more successful back then. Women simply didn't have the means to escape a miserable marriage and social etiquette frowned on divorcees.
My Mother is a feminist...and she was also a stay at home mother and a wife who has been married since she was 19. My grandmother is a feminist, and she was also a stay at home mother and wife.
Feminism gives women the choice of doing what they want, and as a feminist I support stay at home mothers just as much as career women.
I'm a feminist too. That's why I'm against marriage and co-habitation and stay-at home mothers: it prevents women from fulfilling their full potential.
Because there was no feminist movement. My mom was a 60s baby, divorced. My grandpa got divorced in the 60s or 70s. It seems like those 60s and 70s women have a hard time with marriage. There can't be two leaders in the marriage.
Edit upon seeing above posters: unless of course the man is okay with the woman being the head of the house.
Our grandparents were very successful at making relationships work for 30,40,50 and even 60 years of marriage.
My grandmother was a nurse and my grandfather was a welder for the Navy ship yard. They had a very good life. Lived very well and saved a lot of money too. Put 5 kids through college and helped each child secure their first home. My grandparents had a great grasp on what life was about. I'm sure your grandparents were similar to mine, in that regard.
My parents have been married for over 40 years. I remember my mom telling me that she and my dad met in college back in the late 60's. She approached him, and, well as they say, the rest is history.
Seems like, even with the top 10 dating websites, Meetups, forums, social media, people are finding it very difficult to connect with each other.
I know many guys that have just about given up on dating or attempting to find a gal to date, let alone get married to.
Some things to consider. Also, post you own views as well--- Have people gone overboard with their expectations and requirements?
Have people priced themselves out of the market?
Did feminism kill relationships?
Is it about competing with each other more so than helping each other?
Let's talk
NOTE:I AM NOT SEEKING ADVICE. I AM POSING A QUESTION FOR DISCUSSION.
Our grandparents' marriages were NOT more successful on avergae. At least, not more successful by any measure any reasonable people today would recognize. The reason they appear to have been more successful is because divorce was extremely taboo, because women had fewer legal rights or means of making a living, which forced them to remain in miserable marriages, and because expectations of happiness within marriages was very low. Do you want to go back to those days? I don't.
Because there was no feminist movement. My mom was a 60s baby, divorced. My grandpa got divorced in the 60s or 70s. It seems like those 60s and 70s women have a hard time with marriage. There can't be two leaders in the marriage.
Edit upon seeing above posters: unless of course the man is okay with the woman being the head of the house.
There can be 2 equal partners who share responsibility of keeping the marriage and household running smoothly. Why does there have to be a leader? And considering we have no idea what each individual marriage relationship in the past was conducted, who's to say there weren't equal marriages back in the day? In fact there were many suffragettes with very supportive husbands who shared in that desire for the right to vote for women.
I love how people assume that just because a women is a feminist that she automatically wears the pants and is an autocrat.
I'm a feminist too. That's why I'm against marriage and co-habitation and stay-at home mothers: it prevents women from fulfilling their full potential.
A woman's full potential could be being a stay at home mother and running a household, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Most feminists aren't against marriage or co-habitation or being a stay-at-home mother though...so I have no idea what version of feminism you subscribe to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
There can be 2 equal partners who share responsibility of keeping the marriage and household running smoothly. Why does there have to be a leader? And considering we have no idea what each individual marriage relationship in the past was conducted, who's to say there weren't equal marriages back in the day? In fact there were many suffragettes with very supportive husbands who shared in that desire for the right to vote for women.
I love how people assume that just because a women is a feminist that she automatically wears the pants and is an autocrat.
Exactly. There are things that I'm good at and better at making decisions for, and there are things that I'm poorly informed about and don't want to make decisions about. I wouldn't want to be the one solely responsible for all decisions, nor would I want to be a doormat. There IS a happy medium between the two.
Thats not true at all, grandparents now in their 70s and 80s were all the ones getting divorced in middle age in the 1970s and 80s. Their divorce rate for that age group was way higher because pressure to marry was way higher when they were young. A lot of old people who are married are on their 2nd or 3rd marriage. People their parent's age just sucked it up and lived miserably since divorce wasnt an option.
Well, my grandparents were married in and lived in the U.S.S.R. (in what is now Russia), where I think divorce was legal and perhaps accepted even in the 1950s. Based on what I know, both pairs of my grandparents were pretty happy with each other and appeared to be at least relatively good matches for each other, so there was no need for them to get divorced. Honestly, both sets of my grandparents were probably much less happy with the fact that they were stuck in that hellhole known as the USSR with no way to leave/emigrate than they were with their marriages.
As a side note, it is extremely unfortunate that none of my grandparents reached age 75+.
Children got to grow up with both parents, which is an incredible advantage over kids growing up in broken homes. People took marriage vows seriously, and understood that it took serious hard work to make a marriage work. Even today, only 6% of divorces take place due to actual abuse, be it verbal or physical. The rest fall apart for such valid reasons as " we have grown apart" or "Im simply not happy anymore". They come from people who have zero consistency of character, little to no moral compass and zero control over their hormonal changes. Take a wild guess who files most divorces? Not to worry, big brother is on standby to redistribute wealth to the victim.
My grandmother was divorced in 1926 from her first husband who was, by all accounts, a "womanizer". Not only was my grandmother DIVORCED, but she was an Italian Catholic as well. Fortunately, or not, she was also one of those people who didn't really give a rip what anybody else thought.
20yrsinBranson
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