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Yes... my ex husband. Right now I just don't care at all--about it or about him. At the time I first found out, I was hurt by it (because he was cheating on me with men and it was still cheating--which I imagine is a universal feeling). I don't know how I would have felt if he told me he was gay and he wasn't cheating because I can't separate the cheating from finding out in my mind.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
Yes... my ex husband. Right now I just don't care at all--about it or about him. At the time I first found out, I was hurt by it (because he was cheating on me with men and it was still cheating--which I imagine is a universal feeling). I don't know how I would have felt if he told me he was gay and he wasn't cheating because I can't separate the cheating from finding out in my mind.
Ha, one of my best friends had this happen.
Minor quibble. The person was always gay. They may or may not have been acting on it, but they were still gay. There are gay people that never act on having sex with someone of the same gender (no, I don't want to derail the thread, but people confusing orientation with sex acts are a pet peeve of mine).
Yes... my ex husband. Right now I just don't care at all--about it or about him. At the time I first found out, I was hurt by it (because he was cheating on me with men and it was still cheating--which I imagine is a universal feeling). I don't know how I would have felt if he told me he was gay and he wasn't cheating because I can't separate the cheating from finding out in my mind.
wow! did you initially know he was attracted to men also? or you just had suspicions that he was cheating, and you found out it was with a man? may i ask how long were you married for?
wow! did you initially know he was attracted to men also? or you just had suspicions that he was cheating, and you found out it was with a man? may i ask how long were you married for?
I didn't initially know--he was military and deployed a lot. A few months after we married, in a drunken stooper he told me he was bi-sexual. Then I found out he was cheating (suspicious behavior... not coming home at night, sex toys under the bed that weren't "ours", etc). We were married for 13-years. I thought about leaving, but I am the type who takes a vow seriously (better OR Worse, not just better) and I still thought he was bi (and there was a chance for us), not gay (no chance). He only came out as gay after the divorce.
I know a guy that married a woman who then cheated on him with a woman.
They promptly got divorced. His ex-wife is a full blown lesbian these days. For good I would expect.
It was a huge huge blow to his ego. He didnt know how to process it. he Went into bad depression, thoughts of suicide, all that.
Years later, he got into a career that he enjoyed and wanted, and through work, met a woman and just lately got married again. He is doing quite well these days, and living a happy life.
Honestly, in my friends scenario, if not for the career he got into, I don't even know if he would still be walking out and about. Life and it's turns can be amazing.
I tend to believe with his depression and thoughts of suicide, he took it a little harder than most. But for me to try to understand what that was like would be like me trying to say what giving birth is like.
Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
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I just hope as being gay are more accepted cases like this are going to be less and less.
It is sad to hear honest people fall in love and get married with gays and get their heart broken.
I have an older gay friend in his 50. He is gay and was married to make his parents happy. Nonetheless, everything went downward after that.
I am glad in my generation and even more so younger ones, we don't really have to hide ourselves anymore.
If I were put in a situation in say the 1980s in which I could not embrace who I really am, marrying a girl just because that was the norm or trying to 'fix' myself (which is NOT possible btw) is NEVER going to happen. The thought would not even be in my mind.
Relationship involves other's feeling and the last thing I want to do is hurting somebody's feeling.
When I was 19, I had a GF that I later suspected of being a lesbian. Even though she was way into me, and gave no indication she was into girls, she just had that vibe about her. Our relationship was good, and we broke up for reasons other than her sexuality, and remained friends for a while afterwards. She was devestated when we broke, though. A few years later she sent me a message on MySpace saying something to effect that she had an old picture of me up on her mantle. That freaked me out, and when I checked out her profile page it listed her orientation as "not sure".
I dated another girl a few years later who I thought was bi if not possibly flat-out lesbian. Now, even though she seems to have a female "life partner", I think she is more-or-less asexual than anything. Like the other girl, we broke up on good terms and remained friends for a few years afterwards. She did date a guy after me, and I thought they made a great couple even though I felt awkward about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006
I tend to believe with his depression and thoughts of suicide, he took it a little harder than most. But for me to try to understand what that was like would be like me trying to say what giving birth is like.
From a guys perspective, I think it is so devistating because there is nothing you can do about it. Sounds like that would make it easier to deal with, but it doesn't. If it were another guy, you at least feel like you can compete and win her over, even if you know she is gone for good: you gave it your best shot and it was not "meant to be". But if she turned out to be a lesbian, and left you for a woman, what can you do? Nothing. Not matter what you do, or can do, will "win" her back. She would be gone forever, as if she had died, yet, she would be out there alive and happy and with someone who's language you will never be able to speak. Talk about a downer!
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