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wow thats really deep. do you still keep in contact with him? have you ever been around his new husband?
The answer to both questions is very little. I've met the man is all. He moved to another town and then I moved to another town and then this past summer he began to harass me about child support because our youngest is now in college and he didn't want to abide by the terms of the divorce agreement, which was quite reasonable. But I think he regrets that he didn't bother to get a lawyer and decided to piggyback off mine instead. But since I did not take advantage of that situation, darned if I'm going to let him off the hook, esp after he lied to me, for oh, 25 years. Still, I'm not as much angry with him being gay as for how he handled the whole thing after he came out. After all, there are the girls and I wouldn't give them back.
The answer to both questions is very little. I've met the man is all. He moved to another town and then I moved to another town and then this past summer he began to harass me about child support because our youngest is now in college and he didn't want to abide by the terms of the divorce agreement, which was quite reasonable. But I think he regrets that he didn't bother to get a lawyer and decided to piggyback off mine instead. But since I did not take advantage of that situation, darned if I'm going to let him off the hook, esp after he lied to me, for oh, 25 years. Still, I'm not as much angry with him being gay as for how he handled the whole thing after he came out. After all, there are the girls and I wouldn't give them back.
I often think about your situation. In real life and on CD. Tough way to go in life. Your story is actually sort of common, not as much these days, but way back in the day before when it was much harder to come out. Not that doesn't detract from you, of course. It would be a painful thing to find out.
It seems like you're doing well, I read some of your posts and it sounds like you're getting out and doing things and meeting people, well aside from the weirdo guy you posted about...
But on a serious note, best luck to you, you still have a lot to do in life, have fun.
I dated a guy who I believed was severely closeted. He did and said a number of things privately that made me realize he was sexually attracted to men. Usually it would be most evident when he drank -- and he was a frequent heavy drinker. Despite this, I believe he still seeks out women as partners. A small handful of his exes and I have compared notes and we agree that if he's not fully gay, he's strongly bisexual.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie
I dated a guy who I believed was severely closeted. He did and said a number of things privately that made me realize he was sexually attracted to men. Usually it would be most evident when he drank -- and he was a frequent heavy drinker. Despite this, I believe he still seeks out women as partners. A small handful of his exes and I have compared notes and we agree that if he's not fully gay, he's strongly bisexual.
Sort of sad.
Other than the drinking part, what is sad about it?
I don't get people who are confused and pull someone perfectly straight, straighter than straight... into their delima and confusion with them. If you don't know or aren't sure, don't waste a guy who swings axe handles like toothpics time. He's never confused that he loves the PTA..........
I swear. some women get off messing up our heads sometimes....it must be a challenge to see who can drive him mental or bonkers first.
In the case of my Ex husband, yeah, he messed with my head a lot. And I can think of a few reasons why he pulled me into it. I adored him... he was a good friend at first (he literally changed right after we married... like he was putting on a facade the two years I knew him). And he knew all the right "romantic" moves to win me over. He was like a con artist. But from day one of our marriage, he was cold. We rarely if ever had sex (and it was only if I begged and it was always bad sex). Etc.
So why did he do it?
1) He was in the military during don't ask, don't tell. I wonder if someone was on to him and he hid things by marrying.
2) Married military people get extra pay for their "dependents." I find it no co-incidence that he was quick to bring our marriage certificate to his command to get extra pay--literally next day. And he told me he wanted a divorce a few months after he separated from the military. I was no longer a cash bride.
3) Maybe he himself was confused. When I first confronted him about it, a few months into the marriage, he told me he was "bisexual." I suppose that could have been a lie to, but it's not out of the range of possibility that he really thought that. We were young when we married (he was in his early 20s and I was in my mid 20s).
4) He's a jerk and a bit of a sociopath and didn't care or give a thought about my feelings. He actually said to me, the first time I found out he cheated on me with another man (while we were married) that he didn't understand why it was any of my business or why it should concern me. And he meant it, he really didn't understand "why" I would care that my husband was cheating on me since I wasn't part of that relationship. There's got to be something mentally not connected to not understand why cheating on your wife would hurt her feelings and make her upset.
I don't get people who are confused and pull someone perfectly straight, straighter than straight... into their delima and confusion with them. If you don't know or aren't sure, don't waste a guy who swings axe handles like toothpics time. He's never confused that he loves the PTA..........
I swear. some women get off messing up our heads sometimes....it must be a challenge to see who can drive him mental or bonkers first.
or did u have a crush on someone who is now gay ? how did it make you feel ?
I had a crush on a gay guy in high school. No one knew he was gay until later on, after I stopped liking him. After a while, he treated people really poorly overall, probably because he was in the closet. I don't think his dad approved of being gay. In retrospect, I feel bad for him, but he was really mean to me at the time (after I liked him) so I didn't care.
Then I started liking a guy I worked with at a bookstore who was a few years older than me. I knew he was gay all along. It was obvious and he was out and everything. But he was so awesome and nice and funny I couldn't help but feel something. Of course, I never acted on it. I have never once believed that I could 'convert' a gay man. Sexual orientation can't be changed. I'd be pretty annoyed if a woman asked me out even though she knew I was straight. I find it ridiculous that some women feel a man just has to find the right woman and have perfect sex with her and then he'll be "straight." Nope!
I didn't lament this for too long. I got over it and pursued straight guys.
Other than the drinking part, what is sad about it?
Being in the closet is sad. He's a drunken mess. Both sad things. Mostly he's just a mess.
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I couldn't help but feel something. Of course, I never acted on it. I have never once believed that I could 'convert' a gay man. Sexual orientation can't be changed. I'd be pretty annoyed if a woman asked me out even though she knew I was straight. I find it ridiculous that some women feel a man just has to find the right woman and have perfect sex with her and then he'll be "straight." Nope!
