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Better to be "shallow" than lead her on. I would not mention her physical flaws but, just say you "aren't feeling a connection" or "just don't feel the same."
Yeah, it's shallow, but it is what it is, and if you just exit the situation without sharing the specifics of why it's not for you, you're at least allowing her to keep her dignity, and that's something. There's no reason to hurt someone over what's just a (yeah, shallow) personal taste thing.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,007,908 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12
Read RogersParkGuy's post. He explained it well.
No he didn't. He said "above other considerations". That isn't what it really happening here. He wants it all, the admiration, the personality, AND the body. Nothing wrong with that. If you're not into someone physically you can't force it.
The instant shallow labeling people need to shut the hell up and go stand in front of a mirror and realize they are judged just as harshly by other people that deemed them also "not good enough" You ain't perfect either and you know who you are
No he didn't. He said "above other considerations". That isn't what it really happening here. He wants it all, the admiration, the personality, AND the body. Nothing wrong with that. If you're not into someone physically you can't force it.
He stated very clearly that they both were smitten with each other very early. There WAS a connection - he found her cute as a button, he enjoyed her personality, they seemed to get along really well. In fact, had they not gotten all naked and stuff last go around, he wouldn't even be having this conversation.. and he'd be giving her even more of a chance to prove she is more than just her body. In other words, he is willing to ignore every great aspect she brings to the table over a physical flaw that is associated with having kids. Fine - if that isn't what he's into, that is his thing. But, he is throwing away the whole package over it.
No, the wimp sleeps with her anyway and then dumps her. The man finds the right words before he lets her down.
If I am weak for asking for advice then so be it.....
No the wimp dumps her or stays with her (both are equally wimpy) and avoids addressing the psychological issues that prevented him being attracted to her.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,007,908 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12
He stated very clearly that they both were smitten with each other very early. There WAS a connection - he found her cute as a button, he enjoyed her personality, they seemed to get along really well. In fact, had they not gotten all naked and stuff last go around, he wouldn't even be having this conversation.. and he'd be giving her even more of a chance to prove she is more than just her body. In other words, he is willing to ignore every great aspect she brings to the table over a physical flaw that is associated with having kids. Fine - if that isn't what he's into, that is his thing. But, he is throwing away the whole package over it.
Cute as a button "clothed". And no, it isn't a "physical flaw associated with having kids". Please. I've dated several (and am currently dating) single moms and they don't have extra skin, pouches, non trim abs because they take care of themselves. Total cop out.
There are lots of people that can dress a way to make themselves look better than what they really are. If you don't want to see them naked then it won't work. If you think they're great people, fine, be friends. I (and most of us) have friends we think are awesome people that we don't want to see naked or sleep with, nothing wrong with that.
Guy wants a mental connection (it is there), an emotional connection (probably too early to develop) and a physical connection (not there). Nothing one bit wrong about this. It is the norm for people and isn't really "shallow".
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,007,908 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
No the wimp dumps her or stays with her (both are equally wimpy) and avoids addressing the psychological issues that prevented him being attracted to her.
The real man deals with the real problem.
What problem is there for a guy who keeps in shape himself (so no double standard) in that he is not physically attracted to women that don't keep fit? If he was out of shape and had a double standard then it is an issue, certainly.
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