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Really? Once a week is too slow? That would seem a fairly decent rate to me, based on SF culture at least. Four dates a month for two working adults is perfectly fine, imo.
The bottom line is really that he was just a douche. Not necessarily for not continuing the relationship, because people have the right to end their relationships any time they want to, but for not informing you beforehand and not even bothering to send a text (he really should have called.) It's fundamentally dishonest, and cowardly, and one of the things I hate about modern dating.
Maybe it's regional, but I've never had a guy who is into me not want to meet up a few times a week.
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I can accept he only wanted sex. That's not really bothering me that much aside from being a little surprised that guys in their 30's pull this sh*t. My bigger question is do other agree with my friend's advise? And for guys, have you ever been "impressed" that a girl made you wait, or wrote off a girl who put out too early?
I think in previous times men were more mature by this age and wouldn't just want a lay and pull a disappearing act (See the ghosted thread). I think many people these days just mature more slowly than in previous generations.
It's 2013 and I think a lot of men still think this way.
If you're just looking for a good time it's probably not that big of deal to go to bed with a guy right away, but if you're looking for love as the song goes, you might want to wait a bit. No so much for the stigma of it, but to weed out the players........I think Stepka mentioned something about that already.
Strongly disagree. If you make relationship material men and men that treat you well wait for sex to establish the relationship; while simultaneously give out sex like candy on Halloween to non relationship material men and men who treat you poorly, it will condition men to emulate the latter rather than the former. Men will see you give sex on demand with no commitments to casual lovers, while the relationship minded has to wait 10 dates or a predefined time period, all while still sexing someone up for fun at the drop of a hat.
Strongly disagree. If you make relationship material men and men that treat you well wait for sex to establish the relationship; while simultaneously give out sex like candy on Halloween to non relationship material men and men who treat you poorly, it will condition men to emulate the latter rather than the former. Men will see you give sex on demand with no commitments to casual lovers, while the relationship minded has to wait 10 dates or a predefined time period, all while still sexing someone up for fun at the drop of a hat.
Which do you think men are going to emulate?
If you read my post, it was actually slanted toward the female perspective, and in the context of a woman looking for an actual relationship.
If she waits, just a little bit, she can protect herself from the player types.... why is this seemingly lost here... this is the second time someone has questioned my post....
I don't mean any kind of games or set time frame, just not hand out the booty on the first or second date.
If you read my post, it was actually slanted toward the female perspective, and in the context of a woman looking for an actual relationship.
If she waits, just a little bit, she can protect herself from the player types.... why is this seemingly lost here... this is the second time someone has questioned my post....
I don't mean any kind of games or set time frame, just not hand out the booty on the first or second date.
A woman looking for a real relationship won't necessarily protect herself by avoiding sex with player. He will be gone quickly anyway, or better yet she can throw him out the door when the sex is over. She doesn't have to go through the anguish of getting dumped or dumping him and she gets to enjoy the sex. A woman like this knows how to protect herself.
Why are you so interested in having women protect themselves. They can do fine on their own.
He was just looking to get laid or he met someone else or something and was too churlish to let you know he was no longer interested. I'm sorry. But no, you did not "put out" too soon.
Honestly, if one of my male friends said that to me, I'd be rethinking the friendship because if he agreed with the sentiment, it reveals a rather stunted mind.
LOL! The OP was pumped and dumped by some selfish dude(probably a player), guy friend gives her some straight advice, yet you suggest the OP rethink her friendship?
Who's the villain here? Deceptive guy or Insensitive friend?
OP, sometimes we need honest friends to keep us aware of the situation. He could have used a bit more tact but at least he didn't give you some BS answer. And for the record, no I didn't think you put out too soon, considering it was the fourth date.
It's the biggest myth in the female world that doing things like 'approaching a man' or 'sleeping with a man early' will drive him away.
Most of the guys who pump and dump women are handsome, desirable guys who have their pick of many women. (See men, disparity success and college) So, you have a chance to snag him if you have a good personality. If he thinks it's not there, then he will still try and have sex with you, and then pursue a better option. Not all guys will, but some guys. Most probably. Same thing with approaching men. If you go up in a bar and start flirting with a hot guy, and you are hot and interesting yourself, what makes you think he won't want to have a relationship with you?
It's just an excuse women make of why they lose the game and have the hot guy they like pick someone better. Just like guys have similar excuses when the women pick some guy who is better looking or with higher status, such as 'friendzone' and 'acted too wussy', etc, etc.
There's a lot more for guys. Lol.
What you said is very true in most cases. Unfortunately most women will not acknowledge it.
Remember, a man is only as faithful as his options.
He was just looking to get laid or he met someone else or something and was too churlish to let you know he was no longer interested. I'm sorry. But no, you did not "put out" too soon.
Honestly, if one of my male friends said that to me, I'd be rethinking the friendship because if he agreed with the sentiment, it reveals a rather stunted mind.
Third option is, he figured out he wasn't interested in anything further with her, but accepted the offered piece of ass on the way out the door. Waiting to 3-4 dates doesn't mean the guy really likes you. And he isn't a player just because he took what was offered. Sex does not guarantee you are in a budding relationship.
Last edited by GraciousVox; 12-07-2013 at 03:56 PM..
Why are you so interested in having women protect themselves. They can do fine on their own.
The OP was wondering why this dude didn't call back or come around, probably in the vein of being hurt.... that being said, most likely she probably doesn't want to get hurt..... a typical solution to avoid getting hurt would be to do a better job of "vetting" men she has sex with, if she doesn't get hurt with quick sex, fine.....
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