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Have you asked him? Talked about it? If anything you should feel comfortable with talking to your SO about the situation. Maybe you just need to spice it up a bit, change things around.
I'm surprised by the number of responses-- thank you.
No, it was not prison. Laugh-a-minute riot up in here.
Yes, as I said above, when I asked about it he said he has no idea what gave me the impression he was interested in frequent sex.
I appreciate the advice about spicing things up-- I've always been kinda kinky-- but that would require him to be willing to accept my advances, which he's not at this time.
I'm in my early 30's. So is boyfriend. We've been dating for almost 2.5 years. We just moved in together.
Our entire relationship was weekend only because of distance. For the first year or so we had sex multiple times a day. Then at least once a day. Then we dropped down to once or twice a weekend. Then we went through a long period of not seeing each other (TMI, but not because of relationship issues). Then we moved in together and our schedule pretty much sucks because I have a long commute and get up/go to bed early. But he basically doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. I feel like it's pulling teeth when we do. It's almost always initiated by me. and I always feel like complete crap when he turns me down.
I tried talking to him about it. He said past behavior is not indicative of future behavior and he has no idea what he's done to give me the impression he is interested in sex multiple times a day. I don't know what has changed.
I don't feel unloved in any other way. In fact, he's amazing in so many other ways. Any suggestions on getting the spark back?
Why did you move in with him, if he's lost interest in sex? IMO, this relationship is over. And the way he was so dismissive of your concerns (re: the bolded), he sounds like a callous jerk. Sorry, no suggestions on how to get the spark back, I don't think that's doable. This is it for the rest of your life, if you stay with him.
Why did you move in with him, if he's lost interest in sex? IMO, this relationship is over. And the way he was so dismissive of your concerns (re: the bolded), he sounds like a callous jerk. Sorry, no suggestions on how to get the spark back, I don't think that's doable. This is it for the rest of your life, if you stay with him.
i believe you called it. ive had friends in similar situations, chick friends. your body just doesnt drop off that much sex drive over a year or two. its simple, hes not all that attracted to you anymore. there is an excitement from a chase, but once you have something it just becomes old news really fast, people usually do this with inanimate objects, but not with people nor sex. maybe this whole moving in thing isnt his cup of tea...seems like youll have to figure it out if it is going to last, good luck
I'm surprised by the number of responses-- thank you.
No, it was not prison. Laugh-a-minute riot up in here.
Yes, as I said above, when I asked about it he said he has no idea what gave me the impression he was interested in frequent sex.
I appreciate the advice about spicing things up-- I've always been kinda kinky-- but that would require him to be willing to accept my advances, which he's not at this time.
I was just about to ask that. Have there been any physical changes? Gained some weight? Changed our hair? Stopped shaving?
Perhaps now that you live together he has seen you at your worst and doesn't like what he sees? Maybe close the door when you poop? Don't use his razor to shave yourself?
I think it's normal for things to slow down after 2.5 years and now living together. I think sex drive is a fluid thing over a relationship, and sort of peaks at the beginning when things are new, and exciting.
Having said that, I could understand a reduced libido, but not wanting it at all is certainly worrisome. At this point the best advice I can think to give is to try to do things together to reconnect relationship-wise, which hopefully will then turn into more intimacy. A vacation together might help, away from domestic duties, work, etc. If a vacation is not possible, make sure you are both making time for fun things to do together.
If the reason he was away was because of military active duty, then you are dealing with a totally different situation than most folks will ever understand.
The best thing is to give him plenty of space and not be pushy about sex.
Is he seeing a counselor? Do you think he would be open to seeing a counselor? Is he resting well at night? He could have PTSD, for example.
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