boyfriend doesn't want sex (dating, men, love, advice)
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I'm in my early 30's. So is boyfriend. We've been dating for almost 2.5 years. We just moved in together.
Our entire relationship was weekend only because of distance. For the first year or so we had sex multiple times a day. Then at least once a day. Then we dropped down to once or twice a weekend. Then we went through a long period of not seeing each other (TMI, but not because of relationship issues). Then we moved in together and our schedule pretty much sucks because I have a long commute and get up/go to bed early. But he basically doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. I feel like it's pulling teeth when we do. It's almost always initiated by me. and I always feel like complete crap when he turns me down.
I tried talking to him about it. He said past behavior is not indicative of future behavior and he has no idea what he's done to give me the impression he is interested in sex multiple times a day. I don't know what has changed.
I don't feel unloved in any other way. In fact, he's amazing in so many other ways. Any suggestions on getting the spark back?
I'm in my early 30's. So is boyfriend. We've been dating for almost 2.5 years. We just moved in together.
Our entire relationship was weekend only because of distance. For the first year or so we had sex multiple times a day. Then at least once a day. Then we dropped down to once or twice a weekend. Then we went through a long period of not seeing each other (TMI, but not because of relationship issues). Then we moved in together and our schedule pretty much sucks because I have a long commute and get up/go to bed early. But he basically doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. I feel like it's pulling teeth when we do. It's almost always initiated by me. and I always feel like complete crap when he turns me down.
I tried talking to him about it. He said past behavior is not indicative of future behavior and he has no idea what he's done to give me the impression he is interested in sex multiple times a day. I don't know what has changed.
I don't feel unloved in any other way. In fact, he's amazing in so many other ways. Any suggestions on getting the spark back?
Perhaps his baseline is a low sex drive. That's often not obvious in the beginning of a relationship, when everything is new and exciting. Unless there is a physical reason for this - such as low testosterone, which can be treated - then there is very little if anything you can do to change this. If he will get his T levels checked and they are normal (meaning 700 to 1000), then you probably have no options except to either accept this forever, or break up and find someone with a higher, sustainable libido.
Most people want sex much more frequently in the first 6 months or so of a relationship. It can take several years for them to settle down into their 'normal' frequency.
And I agree, for those of us with high sex drives it can be deeply disappointing when they do.
Are you going to say that maybe his preferences have changed since then?
It happens, but no, I was gonna say it'll probably take him awhile to adjust to being at home. Not that I've been there, but from what I've seen and read about, it can take a long time to go back to the regular routine of life once released.
I'm in my early 30's. So is boyfriend. We've been dating for almost 2.5 years. We just moved in together.
Our entire relationship was weekend only because of distance. For the first year or so we had sex multiple times a day. Then at least once a day. Then we dropped down to once or twice a weekend. Then we went through a long period of not seeing each other (TMI, but not because of relationship issues). Then we moved in together and our schedule pretty much sucks because I have a long commute and get up/go to bed early. But he basically doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. I feel like it's pulling teeth when we do. It's almost always initiated by me. and I always feel like complete crap when he turns me down.
I tried talking to him about it. He said past behavior is not indicative of future behavior and he has no idea what he's done to give me the impression he is interested in sex multiple times a day. I don't know what has changed.
I don't feel unloved in any other way. In fact, he's amazing in so many other ways. Any suggestions on getting the spark back?
You need to concentrate on the positive, you posted yourself, "I don't feel unloved in any other way. In fact, he is amazing in so many other ways."
Is he taking any medication? Some medication people take on regular basis affect their sex drive.
When I have long periods where I go without sex, I tend to slow down the cravings. When I get it more regularly and once again realize just how good and fun it can be, I start wanting it more and more. The more you get, the more you want. Sex works that way. If you have long breaks, you tend to lose the feeling.
Do something extra kinky for him, something he'd never expect from you and then show him there's lots more where it came from. Sometimes you have to jum. start things.
You need to concentrate on the positive, you posted yourself, "I don't feel unloved in any other way. In fact, he is amazing in so many other ways."
I don't really see men giving this advice to other men, on this forum .
Quote:
Is he taking any medication? Some medication people take on regular basis affect their sex drive.
Very good question.
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