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not sure but i just read "how to devour your mate for fun & profit" by Judy J. Tarantula,
loved it, but i must admit it gets lonely here on the leaf by myself.
While I think I agree with the rest of your post, I think this is incredibly unfair. There are so many different reasons people break up, and I think it's quite possible that depending on what happened and how both people behaved in the relationship that a friendship can be feasible after some time has passed. The person doesn't necessarily become unworthy of friendship because he or she was not a good significant other.
I agree with you and I do stand corrected, however... Although they are "friends" I personally dont see it as a good or healthy situation, often it can cause problems in new relationships. Being that as it may, if your married and get divorced and have kids, then by all means try and remain as friends for the kids part, after all its not thier problem your getting divorced.. But if your dating or engaged and break up.... why remain friends? it isnt going to go anywhere and for me I just dont see it. Close that door and move on, why hang onto it? why?
But I can only speak from experience that I have dealt with, within my circle of friendships, and I have been the shoulder friends cry on, when they break up with someone, and then try to remain friends, it seemed hard for them to seperate the feelings of NO longer having any say in that friends life. Who they date, sleep with, hang out with, introduce to other friends..... Not everyone can handle that level of seperation of feelings.
So yes I may have sounded harsh and mean, but sometimes people can handle being just friends, and sometimes they cant. Emotions are powerful.
My ex-husband have I remained friendly to each other. We are both remarried, his wife isn't the friendliest, but we do have 3 daughters and 3 grandchildren and attend the "grandchildren's" funtions. My husband and ex get along fine.
My gf amicably split from her high school boyfriend, maintained the friendship since (its been about 6 years since they dated). I don't think its a big deal, he's a likable guy - I'm now friends with him too. Tried setting him up with a girl on Saturday actually
I have a couple girls I'm still friendly with, and several I'm not. Can you stay friends? Sure. Will you every time? Doubtful.
Do you think friendship after a serious, committed relationship can work? Why? Or why not?
After the break up, we're just not going to connect in the same way--even if we live in the same house. We're not really going to talk--we each have our own lives to lead without the other. I've generally been able to remain civil with someone I've broken up with, and we can say hello to each other if we happen to pass on the street--but neither of us are going to seek the other person out, generally speaking.
Although I HAVE made the mistake of getting back together with someone who "broke up" with me. She moved out of town--to me, that was "breaking up". But a few months later, she begged me to come live with her again. She missed me--and we didn't have any harsh words or anything for each other, so I agreed. Six months later, she tells me to move out of her house. Again...to me, that's a breakup. Since I wasn't saving any of my money--it was going to support the both of us--I wound up homeless, living in my van, for a while. Until I met someone online (I'd get online at the library), and moved to be with her instead. That lasted for a while...
Never had an issue so far. Usually contact breaks after she's found the next guy, but that's just how the cookie crumbles. I still end up with a good exclusive FWB for a few months afterward usually.
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