I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said she wants to know me more... advice (dating, women)
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We have been dating for 5 months or so and met 4 times total due to covid. We did do calls and video chat in between. We are about 3 hours apart in distance.
Last weekend when we met I asked her to be my girlfriend she said she will think about it. Today she spoke to me on the phone. She said even though we have chatted on the phone/video and seen eachother few times she still wants to know more about me and my personality. She says it seems i am very easy going and very adaptable without strong preference to one thing or another. She said it is not a bad thing but she wants to know if thats how i am or through interacting with me she will know more. So she said we can meet again and do video calls in between as well to get to know eachother better before she makes her decision.
She did say when we talk we usually talk about current events and work related but friends can do that too. I said i think so too and we try to think of other topics to discuss. She says shes open book and is blunt in asking questions so I don't need to hold back - any topics i should talk to her about to know more about her or just steer away from the usual topics?
Also, when we meet again should i try to initiate any physical contact or hold off and just enjoy the date? She says she kinda feel bad i have to drive to her place but with covid (bus a no no) and she doesnt have a car(she lives in big city) she feels bad i have to go to her. I think this is a good sign in that if we do end up deeper she could come here..
I think what i do in the next few weeks or month will be very important... any advice in terms of interacting with her on topics or going out? I really don't want to blow it... thanks!
I believe if you try any physical contact too soon, it might be better if you just left the car running outside the door to be ready when she runs you off. I'd wait to see if she agrees with the girlfriend part. She could be testing you. Waiting to see if you just want to come up for the sex and not call her again or if you're willing to wait until she's ready. But if she initiates it this trip, then go for it.
There are some people that can have a relationship entirely online or via calls. She is not one of them. She understands there are bits of one's personality that are only evident when seeing them in person. She's wise for not agreeing to be a girlfriend after only 4 dates.
As to what to talk about besides work and current events, people in serious relationships know each other's stories. By that I mean they know not just about who they are today or what happened today, they know about who they were as a child and teenager and young adult. After decades together, I know most of my husband's childhood and teen memories and he knows most of mine. (He will surprise me with a new one occasionally.) Do you ever talk about things related to your families or past? For example, my husband and I might be driving some place. I might see some almost defunct restaurant or something that reminds me of something from my childhood. I'll tell him a story about going there as a kid. Maybe he's just got a call from a cousin he's not seen in decades. After he hangs up he tells me about the time he and this cousin did some crazy thing.
When something happens during your day that reminds you of your past share that with her. Hopefully she'll share with you. One WARNING: it's way too early to ask or share about past relationships.
She says she’s an open book, so ask her about her previous relationships. This is something people ask about when messaging through dating apps, for example, in even the first week of getting to know someone. This reveals a lot about how a person handles conflict, and identifies what are deal-breakers for them.
I wouldn’t consider being someone’s girlfriend without any previous physical contact. This seems like you just want a label more than a relationship. IMO- after all this talking and meeting 4 times, yes, definitely at least try to hold her hand. It seems natural that you would have hugged her or at least touched her in greeting, or during a “good bye” by now.
Have you had a girlfriend before?
To those giving advice: If the OP doesn’t ask any personal questions, or act like he’s interested in physical contact after months how do they progress? Continue to talk about current events?
She says she’s an open book, so ask her about her previous relationships. This is something people ask about when messaging through dating apps, for example, in even the first week of getting to know someone. This reveals a lot about how a person handles conflict, and identifies what are deal-breakers for them.
I wouldn’t consider being someone’s girlfriend without any previous physical contact. This seems like you just want a label more than a relationship. IMO- after all this talking and meeting 4 times, yes, definitely at least try to hold her hand. It seems natural that you would have hugged her or at least touched her in greeting, or during a “good bye” by now.
Have you had a girlfriend before?
To those giving advice: If the OP doesn’t ask any personal questions, or act like he’s interested in physical contact after monthshow do they progress? Continue to talk about current events?
Yeah, I'm a little concerned about the OP's apparent lack of interest in who the woman is, who he wants to be his gf. He says he'll "try to think of other topics to discuss". If it takes that much effort, and doesn't come naturally to ask about what makes her tick, I don't think the OP is ready for a gf.
OP, why do you want her for your gf? What do you see in her? You seem to know very little about her, so what's your desire for her as a gf based on? What are the qualities that attract you, and cause you to want to have her around as a partner? Women are more than just a pretty face, you know.
We have been dating for 5 months or so and met 4 times total due to covid. We did do calls and video chat in between. We are about 3 hours apart in distance.
Last weekend when we met I asked her to be my girlfriend she said she will think about it. Today she spoke to me on the phone. She said even though we have chatted on the phone/video and seen eachother few times she still wants to know more about me and my personality. She says it seems i am very easy going and very adaptable without strong preference to one thing or another. She said it is not a bad thing but she wants to know if thats how i am or through interacting with me she will know more. So she said we can meet again and do video calls in between as well to get to know eachother better before she makes her decision.
She did say when we talk we usually talk about current events and work related but friends can do that too. I said i think so too and we try to think of other topics to discuss. She says shes open book and is blunt in asking questions so I don't need to hold back - any topics i should talk to her about to know more about her or just steer away from the usual topics?
Also, when we meet again should i try to initiate any physical contact or hold off and just enjoy the date? She says she kinda feel bad i have to drive to her place but with covid (bus a no no) and she doesnt have a car(she lives in big city) she feels bad i have to go to her. I think this is a good sign in that if we do end up deeper she could come here..
I think what i do in the next few weeks or month will be very important... any advice in terms of interacting with her on topics or going out? I really don't want to blow it... thanks!
Lol.. Are you on a business meeting discussion or something? Do you just talk about the weather and general stuff? Really if you're into someone you would want find out more about her don't you. Just ask things you want to know about her., but of course not like how many guys she slept with before..you know what I'm saying. Be more personal talk about relationships stuffs like how you feel about her etc. She might be thinking you just want to find a gf and anything goes.
Well, if she says no & wants to get to know you better, you have to respect that.
Hopefully, you talk about in-depth topics & not just superficial, on-the-surface stuff, such as each other's:
- hopes
- dreams
- goals & ambitions
- family
- past, present, future, etc.
- how you see this relationships going & what you each want out of it, etc.
Also, on suggestion regardless of what she said, yes next date you should try to initiate subtle physical contact, or maybe a peck on her cheek .Let her know you through physical contact too, if her response is NO you'll know she's not just testing you but she's just not really into you.
These long distant relationships are not easy anyway, and all you guys been doing is talking about current events and work, sounds like you both have some work to do. I think she was being fair by saying she would like to know more about you, before making a commitment to being your girlfriend. You should want to know more about her as well, but sounds like that is not a priority of yours. Be thinking of some things you can talk about, other than work and current events, and good luck.
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