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Well, if she says no & wants to get to know you better, you have to respect that.
Hopefully, you talk about in-depth topics & not just superficial, on-the-surface stuff, such as each other's:
- hopes
- dreams
- goals & ambitions
- family
- past, present, future, etc.
- how you see this relationships going & what you each want out of it, etc.
It's not a relationship yet. She doesn't even know if she likes him, yet. The last question seems very premature.
And I was hoping the OP could figure out the first several items on your list, himself. I'm wondering what the hang up is; why wasn't he able to come up with those on his own? Maybe the reason she feels she doesn't know him well enough at this point, is that there's not that much to get to know. Maybe the OP isn't a Deep Thinker, and that's why he couldn't come up with deeper conversation topics, and seems to have no interest in getting to know her more deeply.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lioil
We have been dating for 5 months or so and met 4 times total due to covid. We did do calls and video chat in between. We are about 3 hours apart in distance.
Last weekend when we met I asked her to be my girlfriend she said she will think about it. Today she spoke to me on the phone. She said even though we have chatted on the phone/video and seen eachother few times she still wants to know more about me and my personality. She says it seems i am very easy going and very adaptable without strong preference to one thing or another. She said it is not a bad thing but she wants to know if thats how i am or through interacting with me she will know more. So she said we can meet again and do video calls in between as well to get to know eachother better before she makes her decision.
She did say when we talk we usually talk about current events and work related but friends can do that too. I said i think so too and we try to think of other topics to discuss. She says shes open book and is blunt in asking questions so I don't need to hold back - any topics i should talk to her about to know more about her or just steer away from the usual topics?
Also, when we meet again should i try to initiate any physical contact or hold off and just enjoy the date? She says she kinda feel bad i have to drive to her place but with covid (bus a no no) and she doesnt have a car(she lives in big city) she feels bad i have to go to her. I think this is a good sign in that if we do end up deeper she could come here..
I think what i do in the next few weeks or month will be very important... any advice in terms of interacting with her on topics or going out? I really don't want to blow it... thanks!
Tbh.....it kinda sounds like she is a little disinterested....& she is trying to avoid just coming out & saying it IMO. I've used that excuse with guys that I wasn't interested but I thought they were super nice but maybe not real confident, like "let's be friends" or "let's keep talking to get to know each other". AND..then it just kinda fades off. BUT it's super obvious that 5 months of dating & conversations & having 4 dates is enough to know if she is interested in just dating you. It's super weird to spell it all out & have to be so formal.
It's not like it has to be anything serious or she has to be an "official girlfriend" to keep dating or talking ...does it? Be a little less formal IMO..........keep talking to her if that's what you want & be more natural about where it goes. You'll KNOW & so will she.....if there is a chemistry & connection there. You'll both feel it. It shouldn't be you waiting for her "decision"......about dating. Good luck O.P.......
Thanks for so many responses and i think one thing is about topics. We did talk about a bunch of different topics before like family. hobbies, goals etc. She even invented a game a while back where we talk about our child hood , college years and post college years and it was interesting. Would it make sense to revisit or pick specific events? I didn't ask her about dreams and future - maybe i should like if she wants a family or her short term/long term goals.
I know her immediate short term is to work hard on her job. She just graduated from MBA and has been on her current job for almost a year and being an international student coming in, she puts extra hours understanding topics etc. as well (also why shes really busy). It was interesting she didn't seem to mind coming here to visit if covide isn't around.
Also, being international her dating culture is more conservative. Hand holding might be a reach and my friends with similar backgrounds as her say hand holding signifies gf/bf relationship, so trying to kiss before that most likely a no no.
I think from the call she wants to see if i am pretending to be someone i am not in terms of personality? Because she mentioned couple of times i seem to be easy going and dont have strong opinion and i guess that struck me as odd. Should one have strong opinion on something? I do have some like foods etc. but maybe because i try to accommodate her and try to ask her approval makes her see me like someone who can't decide and go with it?... maybe i am too considerate so i look i dont have opinion on anything as long as she's ok? I personally didn't think thats a bad thing but i guess it could make me look "fake" if i am not fine with it inside (which i am fine with)....
There's nothing you can "do" OP. Just be genuine about who you are. If you guys are a good fit, then it will work out. YOU should be evaluating too, find out about who she is and she how would fit with you. It seems like you just want her to like you tooo fast. Be cool...take your time. Why rush?
There's nothing you can "do" OP. Just be genuine about who you are. If you guys are a good fit, then it will work out. YOU should be evaluating too, find out about who she is and she how would fit with you. It seems like you just want her to like you tooo fast. Be cool...take your time. Why rush?
I'd heed this advice. You've had only a few dates and discussed mostly current events, but you're ready for boyfriend/girlfriend status. She wants to know more, and I agree with her approach.
We have been dating for 5 months or so and met 4 times total due to covid. We did do calls and video chat in between. We are about 3 hours apart in distance.
Last weekend when we met I asked her to be my girlfriend she said she will think about it. Today she spoke to me on the phone. She said even though we have chatted on the phone/video and seen eachother few times she still wants to know more about me and my personality. She says it seems i am very easy going and very adaptable without strong preference to one thing or another. She said it is not a bad thing but she wants to know if thats how i am or through interacting with me she will know more. So she said we can meet again and do video calls in between as well to get to know eachother better before she makes her decision.
She did say when we talk we usually talk about current events and work related but friends can do that too. I said i think so too and we try to think of other topics to discuss. She says shes open book and is blunt in asking questions so I don't need to hold back - any topics i should talk to her about to know more about her or just steer away from the usual topics?
Also, when we meet again should i try to initiate any physical contact or hold off and just enjoy the date? She says she kinda feel bad i have to drive to her place but with covid (bus a no no) and she doesnt have a car(she lives in big city) she feels bad i have to go to her. I think this is a good sign in that if we do end up deeper she could come here..
I think what i do in the next few weeks or month will be very important... any advice in terms of interacting with her on topics or going out? I really don't want to blow it... thanks!
Why would you want to date someone who lives 3 hours away from you?
You rich or anything?
Go meet women who live walking distance from you.
You want to date a woman who doesn't have a car???? and she lives in a big city and she doesn't have a car?? Does she live with mom and dad?
Why haven't you guys had sex ?
5 months and no sex?
Is she a nun in attendance?
me thinks she doesn't want to sleep with you, but with covid-19 her dating options have dried out quite a fair share, and she feels lonely, so she will go on dates with you, but she doesn't want to be your girlfriend because she's being evasive about it and if she really wanted to be your girlfriend she would have said yes.
Cut her off and go meet women you can actually use your physical legs to walk and meet.
Thanks for so many responses and i think one thing is about topics. We did talk about a bunch of different topics before like family. hobbies, goals etc. She even invented a game a while back where we talk about our child hood , college years and post college years and it was interesting. Would it make sense to revisit or pick specific events? I didn't ask her about dreams and future - maybe i should like if she wants a family or her short term/long term goals.
I know her immediate short term is to work hard on her job. She just graduated from MBA and has been on her current job for almost a year and being an international student coming in, she puts extra hours understanding topics etc. as well (also why shes really busy). It was interesting she didn't seem to mind coming here to visit if covide isn't around.
Also, being international her dating culture is more conservative. Hand holding might be a reach and my friends with similar backgrounds as her say hand holding signifies gf/bf relationship, so trying to kiss before that most likely a no no.
I think from the call she wants to see if i am pretending to be someone i am not in terms of personality? Because she mentioned couple of times i seem to be easy going and dont have strong opinion and i guess that struck me as odd. Should one have strong opinion on something? I do have some like foods etc. but maybe because i try to accommodate her and try to ask her approval makes her see me like someone who can't decide and go with it?... maybe i am too considerate so i look i dont have opinion on anything as long as she's ok? I personally didn't think thats a bad thing but i guess it could make me look "fake" if i am not fine with it inside (which i am fine with)....
The mistake you are making is that when you asked her to be your bf that put a demand on her. Instead, just have fun when together. Your purpose when dating is to have fun. All past stuff doesn't matter. And forget all this about topics, etc. Just do ONE thing when dating- have fun.
And do it in person. That's the main way a woman will start to want to be your boyfriend. Then, she will bring up the topic of being a couple. At her pace. So don't ask her to do anything, or be anything for you. Let her decide that. All you do is setup dates to have fun and nice times together. That's all. When she starts to ask questions about you is good, it shows her interest in you. But don't go and on, get back to having fun.
Because they've only met 4 times. 5 months ago was when the Covid restrictions began. This is normal for those, who try to date during Covid.
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to keep dating or talking ...does it? Be a little less formal IMO..........keep talking to her if that's what you want & be more natural about where it goes. You'll KNOW & so will she.....if there is a chemistry & connection there. You'll both feel it. It shouldn't be you waiting for her "decision"......about dating. 
Good luck O.P.......
BUT...if you are, it can be 1 of the best adventures!!!
