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It's a nice thought, but I don't recommend you rekindle as you will feel cheated in the long run. You have feelings for this person that will just resurface, likely grow deeper again and you'll just end up resenting him. I being the one that couldn't commit in the relationship know, any time I want, I can go back to old boyfriend and pick things up again, eventually, as usual he will still want it to be more than what I can give and start to cause me to pull away. Unless you know he has changed his mind in the way he thinks about progressing with you, don't do it. Go back only if he's willing to commit to something more upfront. Even then, I'd be weary.
I miss my ex, so I know the temptation to start things up with him again,, but I also know it would be selfish of me to do so, since, I know, I'm not of the same mindset as him when it comes to being a couple.
Hmmmm, maybe I should reconsider, it's not like he required me to cook or do any other domestic duties. Don't interrupt me, I'm thinking. j/k But I do think I'm getting summer fever or something. no wait, it's still spring, it's the FL heat getting to me.
Well, that is my one and only concern. But I also tend to have exceptions and stay with them--I have a weird/determined mind when I set it towards something. When we first started dating, I had expectations of it being more. Now I don't expect that anymore. I used to entertain thoughts of romantic get-aways vacations and such, now I don't care. So something in me changed. And if I set my expectations to just FWB, I should be able to accept that.
I've had so much frustration with dating. It's hard just to find a man who meets the bare minimum of being a kind man with his head screwed on straight. I've been trying to find someone for two years and have lost track of how many dates I've been on... almost all either jerks trying to cheat on wives, run of the mill jerks, and crazy guys. I am sick of all this dating and trying to find someone in general--and what for? I don't want to marry again anyway. This man I am considering FWB with has issues... we all do. But he meets that bare minimum of kind with his head screwed on straight... and we have other things in common too. Which is why we were friends for so long before dating.
I can see how my feelings could resurface, but I am also the type that will just bury it. He'll never know again if I care for him or how I really feel about him. I hid it from him for a long time before we started dating... it's not that hard for me. And if it gets too much for me, I can just end it again like I did last time when he said he couldn't commit to a relationship. If he doesn't care, it shouldn't hurt him, it will only hurt me. And I always bounce back.
It's just something I am considering during my dating hiatus.
Well, that is my one and only concern. But I also tend to have exceptions and stay with them--I have a weird/determined mind when I set it towards something. When we first started dating, I had expectations of it being more. Now I don't expect that anymore. I used to entertain thoughts of romantic get-aways vacations and such, now I don't care. So something in me changed. And if I set my expectations to just FWB, I should be able to accept that.
I've had so much frustration with dating. It's hard just to find a man who meets the bare minimum of being a kind man with his head screwed on straight. I've been trying to find someone for two years and have lost track of how many dates I've been on... almost all either jerks trying to cheat on wives, run of the mill jerks, and crazy guys. I am sick of all this dating and trying to find someone in general--and what for? I don't want to marry again anyway. This man I am considering FWB with has issues... we all do. But he meets that bare minimum of kind with his head screwed on straight... and we have other things in common too. Which is why we were friends for so long before dating.
I can see how my feelings could resurface, but I am also the type that will just bury it. He'll never know again if I care for him or how I really feel about him. I hid it from him for a long time before we started dating... it's not that hard for me. And if it gets too much for me, I can just end it again like I did last time when he said he couldn't commit to a relationship. If he doesn't care, it shouldn't hurt him, it will only hurt me. And I always bounce back.
It's just something I am considering during my dating hiatus.
I get what you are saying, best wishes whatever you decide to do.
Signing off before I get electrocuted. Big storm here in my area.
These men that forget how to cook, clean, etc when they married?
Late 20s to mid-30s. There is no excuse.
And there is no telling me that an ex-military man doesn't know how to clean a bathroom or make a bed. I really do think that some men think getting a wife means they are getting someone to do that stuff for them.
Well, not if I'm working and putting money into the household, it's not. Get off yer butt. Ain't no gender-specific reaction to the gold in a wedding ring that makes you Pig-Pen and me Wonder Woman.
Hi Nite Ryder, I'm so happy you hae a great companion, however, I believe your missing the whole point...you can be alone, but never feel lonely. You tend to fill up your life with other positive actions, and you don't stop socializing or going places b/c you are by yourself....actually, you learn to enjoy it, b/c now, you don't have to worry about giving up anything, as you can do as you wish, get up when you want, go to the beach if you want, or read, without worrying if your mate wants to talk, or go somewhere else.
you see, and this is why this thread is so good for men to read, if they can read between the lines....marriages do take a whole lot of work, but as you say, when there is companionship and two people communicate without worry of the other taking your discussions or hurts as an insult and getting all angry and starting world war 3, then it works, or one person just gives in and doesn't say much any longer....that isn't a marriage. That is not being compatible, that is existing...
but being alone can be just as rewarding as being with someone in a good marriage.
I believe it is important for people to also wake up, and be aware of the fact that other people including our mates, have wants and needs and desires, which doesn't mean they don't love us, but sometimes two people need to let go and allow the other one to excel, if they want to go to college, get out there and work or do any kind of volunteer work, or go to the shore for the weekend or week with the girls, or go golfing with the guys....that it's ok to do that and to now allow someone their life, is to stagnate them and make them unhappy, and a very selfish way to treat the one you supposidly love.
I've heard people say, "oh he or she doesn't want to go", Bull, it's just that they are now in a rut, and you control the marriage. Oh, yes, there are a few who don't want to go, but for the most part, most couples need to get away from each other for a few days, you come back with such a different perspective and positive reinforcement to now add to the marriage.
anyway, so glad your post sparked this reply....thank you and thank you for sharing.
I lived alone for 13 years, and loved it! My present wife convinced me we could make life even better by being together full time. We still go our own way when doing certain things. She does things with the girls, I do things with the boys. The best part about our relationship is there is no jealousy, not one bit. While I enjoyed living by myself, I enjoy living the life I have now even more, because I can make my mate happy...
You sound like a great guy, Nite Ryder. By the sounds of things, I can understand why your wife loves you so much.
Unfortunately, some of us have not been as lucky as your wife in finding a guy like you.
Thank you for your kind words. It isn't that I'm so great, it's that I have a good memory. When I was single, living alone, with a 20 year failed marriage behind me, I did everything necessary to keep a home, a home, and looking decent. I like to cook, I don't mind cleaning or doing laundry. I don't care for yard work, but I do it anyway because it needs to be done so the place looks nice. I remember what it was like to invite women over for dinner, a drink, or whatever, and then go somewhere or do some activity later. I'm a guy, I don't really like change, I like what I have now and have never thought that variety was the spice of life. Yeah, I know that sounds dumb to you women, but I like "the comforts of home". I can put my arms around my wife and hold her close or kiss her on the back of the neck anytime I want, I enjoy that. My dog would look at me funny if I tried that with her...
Thank you for your kind words. It isn't that I'm so great, it's that I have a good memory. When I was single, living alone, with a 20 year failed marriage behind me, I did everything necessary to keep a home, a home, and looking decent. I like to cook, I don't mind cleaning or doing laundry. I don't care for yard work, but I do it anyway because it needs to be done so the place looks nice. I remember what it was like to invite women over for dinner, a drink, or whatever, and then go somewhere or do some activity later. I'm a guy, I don't really like change, I like what I have now and have never thought that variety was the spice of life. Yeah, I know that sounds dumb to you women, but I like "the comforts of home". I can put my arms around my wife and hold her close or kiss her on the back of the neck anytime I want, I enjoy that. My dog would look at me funny if I tried that with her...
Very sweet. You two look very happy together. I'm sure the wife is lovely as well.
I don't think you realize how rare that is, my friend.
Ex-hub was ex-military. He forgot how to do those things when we married. My niece's husband is the same way. The man owned a house, lived alone, had to do everything for himself. Once they married, he forgot how the washing machine worked. No joke. He kept asking her what temperature to use for everything. I can't tell you how many of my friends have similar stories, and the older they are, the worse it is. There are entirely too many people out there whose idea of give-and-take is "you give, I take."
I really think cooking and cleaning should be a litmus test of suitability. I knew my last SO and I would never marry because from the get-go, I saw that he didn't know how to cook. He could make a few things, like pasta or scrambled eggs, but he didn't know the first thing about following a recipe to put together a dish like lasagne. I can count the number of times he cooked dinner for me on one hand and still have fingers left over. Breakfast might have been 8 or 9 times, too. Over seven years. But he sure as heck wanted me to cook!
He's also a pack-rat. The upstairs is cluttered such that pretty much everyone who visits comes away with at least one bonked shin or knee, and the basement is fodder for Hoarders, as far as I'm concerned.
What woman in her right mind is going to want to marry into that? People can talk about how easy it is to do things for each other "when it's done with love," but I don't buy it. "It's easy to do things for each other when both people are responsible adults who respect each other and the home they live in," is more like it.
Well I should have clarified what I meant when I said "done with love". First and foremost, I would have to find that very rare woman who would be worth the effort. Like I said before, my wife and I both have many women friends that we both associate with. I look around and can't find one of them that I would be the least bit interested in, there is always something wrong. Looks and figure are something that every woman wants in herself, but in my book what is in her head and heart is much more important. I also have a litmus test, and if I told you some of the deal breaks for me you'd just laugh. My son has been married for 27 years to the same woman. He moved out of his house, and into a smaller house he bought back when he was 19 years old. He told me his wife has never once washed a load of his laundry. She also did very little of the cooking and cleaning, he did most of it. She was a stay at home Mom, but she didn't enjoy taking care of two kids either. She wants half of everything he owns, but she doesn't deserve it. That is how the laws work today, at least where I live. Why would any body want to get married, that's the question of the day...
Thank you for your kind words. It isn't that I'm so great, it's that I have a good memory. When I was single, living alone, with a 20 year failed marriage behind me, I did everything necessary to keep a home, a home, and looking decent. I like to cook, I don't mind cleaning or doing laundry. I don't care for yard work, but I do it anyway because it needs to be done so the place looks nice. I remember what it was like to invite women over for dinner, a drink, or whatever, and then go somewhere or do some activity later. I'm a guy, I don't really like change, I like what I have now and have never thought that variety was the spice of life. Yeah, I know that sounds dumb to you women, but I like "the comforts of home". I can put my arms around my wife and hold her close or kiss her on the back of the neck anytime I want, I enjoy that. My dog would look at me funny if I tried that with her...
Nite Ryder, there is nothing about that that sounds "dumb" to me. You sound like a sweetheart, and you are your wife and both so very lucky.
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Don't interrupt me, I'm thinking. 
no wait, it's still spring, it's the FL heat getting to me.
Very sweet. You two look very happy together. I'm sure the wife is lovely as well. 
You sound like a sweetheart, and you are your wife and both so very lucky. 
