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I've been with my ukrainian girlfriend for 2 years
We've met many times in France, Poland and Belgium during this time, usually a week at a time, a couple of times for 2 weeks
I don't fly very well which is why we have always met somewhere in between our own countries, and she hasn't visited the UK due to the fact the visitors visas are difficult to get
We talk every day using instant messaging and skype
Every time we have met has been better and better, we seem to grow closer each time. We both feel like we somehow found each other and we have both said that we found the one.
I love her so much
I can give you a little background on her personality. She's quiet, deep, reserved, feisty, a thinker. She does have changeable moods like most people, but she can be prone to bouts of depression, often feeling very emotional for weeks at a time. I do talk to her about it and she says she's always been this way and she recently went for tests on hormone levels to see if this affects her.
The last time we met was late February in Paris. It was more perfect than ever. Everything was fantastic, lots of love, laughing, romance, intamacy.
When I returned home I had to move house and pretty much was doing it without any help. I was busy and tired and stressed and probably not talking to her as much as I could do usually. I explained this to her, we still talked daily and I reassured her that I loved her etc
The past month though she's been different with me. Quiet. Still talking but not really conversing. I ask her what's wrong etc, but like I mentioned before, she can close up, and only talks about emotional things when she's ready. Anyway last week she seemed really angry, so I said just tell me what is wrong. She told me she's been thinking about things and she's not sure she can leave her mother and friends. We talked about marriage early last year. I proposed in the summer. We had decided last year that we would apply for a fiancee visa so we can be together and get married. We discussed where to get married etc.
She's recently had problems with her skin which caused her to have a month at home. I know how she hates being home as she needs to be busy, out with her mum, at the gym, she doesn't drink so doesn't go out at night, but she often goes straight from work to her mother's place of work just to keep busy.
I think this time at home has given her too much time to think and made her a little down again and that's where all this is coming from. Also the trouble in her country is on her mind.
She seems angry with me. I have sent her gifts and last week I sent her flowers twice. She said thanks for the flowers, they are nice, but I didn't have to.
I really don't know what to do. She sometimes seems angry when I talk to her. I stopped messaging her on Thursday because I thought I'd give her some time. I didn't hear anything until today when she randomly sends me a few messages about a certain brand of moisturiser and if it's available in the UK. I found it strange but answered with 'Yes, we can get it here', and since then no response
I don't know if no contact is what to do or not. She's the love of my life. Sure she's complicated, but I honestly feel like she's the one and I don't know what to do
Obviously I'm suffering like hell now. Can't eat sleep etc, I'm just trying to keep busy
Sometimes there's just nothing you can do but hope things work out. When things turn sour, a person's natural instinct is often to try harder and ask more about what the problem is. That only makes things worse. Give her a little more space and things should work themselves out. Try to stay away from talking too much about future plans.
I've been with my ukrainian girlfriend for 2 years
We've met many times in France, Poland and Belgium during this time, usually a week at a time, a couple of times for 2 weeks
I don't fly very well which is why we have always met somewhere in between our own countries, and she hasn't visited the UK due to the fact the visitors visas are difficult to get
We talk every day using instant messaging and skype
Every time we have met has been better and better, we seem to grow closer each time. We both feel like we somehow found each other and we have both said that we found the one.
I love her so much
I can give you a little background on her personality. She's quiet, deep, reserved, feisty, a thinker. She does have changeable moods like most people, but she can be prone to bouts of depression, often feeling very emotional for weeks at a time. I do talk to her about it and she says she's always been this way and she recently went for tests on hormone levels to see if this affects her.
The last time we met was late February in Paris. It was more perfect than ever. Everything was fantastic, lots of love, laughing, romance, intamacy.
When I returned home I had to move house and pretty much was doing it without any help. I was busy and tired and stressed and probably not talking to her as much as I could do usually. I explained this to her, we still talked daily and I reassured her that I loved her etc
The past month though she's been different with me. Quiet. Still talking but not really conversing. I ask her what's wrong etc, but like I mentioned before, she can close up, and only talks about emotional things when she's ready. Anyway last week she seemed really angry, so I said just tell me what is wrong. She told me she's been thinking about things and she's not sure she can leave her mother and friends. We talked about marriage early last year. I proposed in the summer. We had decided last year that we would apply for a fiancee visa so we can be together and get married. We discussed where to get married etc.
She's recently had problems with her skin which caused her to have a month at home. I know how she hates being home as she needs to be busy, out with her mum, at the gym, she doesn't drink so doesn't go out at night, but she often goes straight from work to her mother's place of work just to keep busy.
I think this time at home has given her too much time to think and made her a little down again and that's where all this is coming from. Also the trouble in her country is on her mind.
She seems angry with me. I have sent her gifts and last week I sent her flowers twice. She said thanks for the flowers, they are nice, but I didn't have to.
I really don't know what to do. She sometimes seems angry when I talk to her. I stopped messaging her on Thursday because I thought I'd give her some time. I didn't hear anything until today when she randomly sends me a few messages about a certain brand of moisturiser and if it's available in the UK. I found it strange but answered with 'Yes, we can get it here', and since then no response
I don't know if no contact is what to do or not. She's the love of my life. Sure she's complicated, but I honestly feel like she's the one and I don't know what to do
Obviously I'm suffering like hell now. Can't eat sleep etc, I'm just trying to keep busy
Looks like you are going to make the tough decision.
1. Move to her country, get a job and marry her.
2. Break up.
You will not be able to separate her from her Mom. You will have hex to pay if you try.
You need to go visit her to get everything straightened out. She may also be getting anxious marriage meaning that she isn't sure that leaving her mother is the right thing to do. If you're so inclined you might want to talk to her about getting married and then sponsoring her mother. She may also be considering dating a local guy to stay close to her mother. With long-distance relationships that are serious enough to talk marriage you have to move fairly quick. I know that sounds ridiculous but it's not seeing that the context of many (notice I said many, not all) long-distance inter-cultural relationships start out with the goal of finding a spouse.
What you need to realize is that she has made a very big decision. She ended your engagement, unilaterally. You may want to confirm that and start talking to her about that reality. It sounds like there are some serious communication problems here. When you are engaged, doing a "fade" is really a very bad sign. VERY. People in real relationships who have decided to marry don't do that, long distance or no.
Stop treating her like a piece of glass and get some answers before doing anything else.
Looks like you fell for one of the biggest pitfalls of long distance relationships, falling in love with a person when you hardly know her. Any time your significant other is going through unpredictable mood swings, you should realize they are only unpredictable because you don't know her.
Looks like you fell for one of the biggest pitfalls of long distance relationships, falling in love with a person when you hardly know her. Any time your significant other is going through unpredictable mood swings, you should realize they are only unpredictable because you don't know her.
I wish I could give you some hope, OP.
But this is the reality of long distance "relationships"--
they're extremely unpredictable, time consuming & often disappointing.
You obviously love her, but she's changed. It's heartbreaking & it really is hard to move on-
I do hope you two can get through whatever the issues are that made her pull away from you.
If not, give yourself time.....
We get closer and closer every time we meet, and I know it wasn't just me that thinks that way
She always moped around for weeks when she had to return home, maybe she just finds the long distance thing too hard
For things to be like this now is just awful
I know its a real cliche, and you'll say in a few years time I won't feel like this, but I got to thinking this was it, the one, and she'd said the same
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