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I'm the best man at my brothers wedding. I've attended the engagement party and a number of other little wedding celebrations. I am also throwing, and paying for the majority of, a monster bachelor party. I'll be at the rehearsal dinner and complete all best man duties. No prob. Here is the dilemma. They are doing this new age "joint" wedding shower instead of a normal bridal shower and they expect me to be there.
Normally not a problem but they scheduled it the same weekend I am out of town every year at a festival. Been on the books for over a year, the "shower" for just under six months.
Not sure how you all see it, but its just a shower in my opinion, not a mandatory attendance for the best man, or even men in general.
I'm just kinda at a loss how to tell my overly sensitive bro that I'm not gonna drive accross the state mid festival for a shower. If you're familiar with camping music festivals, the logistics of this is a nightmare
It's not mandatory for anyone to attend a shower (other than the bride and the maid of honor). Honestly, I think it's kind of weird to ask men to attend anyway... but whatever, things are changing I guess. So don't worry about it. I would just tell them you can't make, you have plans that were made over a year ago, your very sorry, and will make it up to him at the bachelor party or something, etc. Maybe send a gift if it makes you feel better and you think it would cushion any sensitivity (but honestly, they shouldn't expect a gift).
It's not mandatory for anyone to attend a shower (other than the bride and the maid of honor). Honestly, I think it's kind of weird to ask men to attend anyway... but whatever, things are changing I guess. So don't worry about it. I would just tell them you can't make, you have plans that were made over a year ago, your very sorry, and will make it up to him at the bachelor party or something, etc. Maybe send a gift if it makes you feel better and you think it would cushion any sensitivity (but honestly, they shouldn't expect a gift).
They've been whispering they think I don't care about the wedding, which isn't true. I'm just a guy through and through this kind of thing does nothing for me. Happy for him and I'm doing everything in my power as best man, within the best man duties to assist him in this life event. But come on, its a shower. So I'm just trying to figure out how to approach it without him getting further butt hurt.
Wouldn't everyone call you gay for going to a shower?
Then again, I don't know anything about weddings. I remember a guy showing up to some sort of shower and my mom was telling me how awkward it was.
Maybe that was a baby shower?
Don't mind me.. I'm stupid
Lol. Nah man, its this new age joint wedding shower where everyone from both sides of the family is invited. You get more gifts I guess? Idk even if I didn't have plans I wouldn't want to go.
Around here a joint shower is called a Jack and Jill, and Stag and Doe is a party where you don't bring a gift but you're charged for tickets to get in and are expected to spend money, bid on auction items, 50/50 draws, raffles, all of which goes to the bride and groom.
I think you've done plenty. I don't think as best man that your own personal life and previous plans have to be put aside for yet another wedding celebration (gift grab).
Around here a joint shower is called a Jack and Jill, and Stag and Doe is a party where you don't bring a gift but you're charged for tickets to get in and are expected to spend money, bid on auction items, 50/50 draws, raffles, all of which goes to the bride and groom.
I think you've done plenty. I don't think as best man that your own personal life and previous plans have to be put aside for yet another wedding celebration (gift grab).
Gift grab is how I see it but I won't tell him that lol. Think I'm just gonna go have a drink with him, apologise, explain I do care about this whole wedding, but I can't make the shower
Just tell them sensitively that you have already booked plans for that weekend and although you are eager to continue to help them with their wedding, you won't be able to make it to this event.
Done deal.
Sounds like for them, the wedding is the center of their lives right now. They need to understand it is not the center of everyone else's lives.
Gift grab is how I see it but I won't tell him that lol. Think I'm just gonna go have a drink with him, apologise, explain I do care about this whole wedding, but I can't make the shower
I kind of agree with you--seems like weddings (and the gift giving) is so overdone anymore. Engagement party, shower, and wedding... that's three gifts! If that's the case, and you really think it's about gift grabbing, you could give them a gift for the party and that should alleviate tension. It kind of stinks, but you have to ask yourself, is it worth the $40 or whatever a gift costs to just stop the whispering thing and give yourself peace of mind.
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Originally Posted by Checkered24
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Sounds like for them, the wedding is the center of their lives right now. They need to understand it is not the center of everyone else's lives.
This sounds like the constant drama I here from a friend at work about every shower-wedding in her family and circle of friends. Personally, I think all that wedding/shower stuff is stupid and your right a gift grab. Sounds like you're already going above and beyond so just tell them you wont attend. Who cares if they think you don't care, its their wedding not yours.
I informed both my nephews that I would not attend their baby showers. I absolutely hate those things. I do not feel guilty and they totally understand. Of course I will most likely be buying those babies gifts for the rest of their lives.
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