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Then what are you saying because he's not wrong for playing the field.
I asked a question.
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Do you really believe that or maybe they are willing to settle on you. Women settle for alot of reasons but not because they want to be with you. I don't know how any man could trust women if they didnt give you a chance until your thirties.
How old are you? Are women giving you a chance now?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by doobalistic
Do you really believe that or maybe they are willing to settle on you. Women settle for alot of reasons but not because they want to be with you. I don't know how any man could trust women if they didnt give you a chance until your thirties.
You know, this might be news to you... but "women" aren't one monolithic group.
The individual women I met at 22 are different than the ones at 28 and 35 or 40.
I trust, or don't trust, individuals... not "women" as a group.
You still have this idea that women are "the other". People are people, treat them like individuals.
So, are they "settling" on me? Who the heck knows or cares, if they are, they're getting a pretty god damn rad guy and they struck the damn jackpot (if I do say so myself).
How old are you? Are women giving you a chance now?
I avoid women at all costs so there is no chance at a chance. I just keep hearing this same story of men who were unsuccessful in dating in there twenties and reach there thirties and women are all of a sudden interested. The worst thing about that is they actually believe the women is genuinely interested.
I avoid women at all costs so there is no chance at a chance. I just keep hearing this same story of men who were unsuccessful in dating in there twenties and reach there thirties and women are all of a sudden interested. The worst thing about that is they actually believe the women is genuinely interested.
So - basically, this hasn't happened to you, this isn't going to happen to you, but you know for sure that these men haven't changed at all and that these women aren't really interested in them. Okay.
You know what I hate? I hate how smoking pot for days on end makes your teeth feel funny and your hair oily. Oh - and I've never smoked pot before.
My looks didn't. I have the same ugly mug. My attitude did.
Chances are you weren't depressed, or you were no longer depressed when your attitude adjustment started.
I suspect that some, and perhaps many of the posters here who flood this forum with pleas for advice and then argue against the value or applicability of the advice, are depressed. Which makes sense.
Depressed people tend to perseverate (symptom), and that perseveration then causes further depressed thoughts and actions. They get "stuck" in that cycle and can't look at their situation or advice for dealing with it objectively.
Although "get therapy" is good advice in these cases, it often goes unheard, because depression works that way. Further, anything that minimizes a depressed person's experience, and even their distorted perception of their expereince, is crappy advice. And that's what people most often give here.
The crappy advice, such as "get out more" or, "look at people with real problems", or "I was anxious once" just isn't helpful. Some of those ideas may aid a depressed person's recovery when guided and supported by a professional. But in the hands of we amateurs, it's a bit like suggesting that a person learn to fly a plane by hopping in one and flying.
I think the problem really lies with the person asking the question, though. It's unwise to go to an on-line discussion site looking for what amounts to medical expertise. But still, they come here asking. Adding to the mire, the same advice that sucks for a depressed person is pretty solid advice to someone who isn't depressed. And like I said, with guidance and support the same paths suggested may lead them out of depression. But without that guidance and support offered by someone who has developed a rapport with the depressed person, those suggestions probably look like scoffing.
Chances are you weren't depressed, or you were no longer depressed when your attitude adjustment started.
I suspect that some, and perhaps many of the posters here who flood this forum with pleas for advice and then argue against the value or applicability of the advice, are depressed. Which makes sense.
Depressed people tend to perseverate (symptom), and that perseveration then causes further depressed thoughts and actions. They get "stuck" in that cycle and can't look at their situation or advice for dealing with it objectively.
Although "get therapy" is good advice in these cases, it often goes unheard, because depression works that way. Further, anything that minimizes a depressed person's experience, and even their distorted perception of their expereince, is crappy advice. And that's what people most often give here.
The crappy advice, such as "get out more" or, "look at people with real problems", or "I was anxious once" just isn't helpful. Some of those ideas may aid a depressed person's recovery when guided and supported by a professional. But in the hands of we amateurs, it's a bit like suggesting that a person learn to fly a plane by hopping in one and flying.
I think the problem really lies with the person asking the question, though. It's unwise to go to an on-line discussion site looking for what amounts to medical expertise. But still, they come here asking. Adding to the mire, the same advice that sucks for a depressed person is pretty solid advice to someone who isn't depressed. And like I said, with guidance and support the same paths suggested may lead them out of depression. But without that guidance and support offered by someone who has developed a rapport with the depressed person, those suggestions probably look like scoffing.
I just think that some people develop this negative attitude because they don't want to get their hopes up just so they can be crushed yet again. Sure some might be depressed but I think in most cases this is the reason. It is what it is.
So - basically, this hasn't happened to you, this isn't going to happen to you, but you know for sure that these men haven't changed at all and that these women aren't really interested in them. Okay.
You know what I hate? I hate how smoking pot for days on end makes your teeth feel funny and your hair oily. Oh - and I've never smoked pot before.
Some of these men im talking about I know so you can keep assuming if you want. These men said that they haven't changed so since your so smart why were these women interested.
Some of these men im talking about I know so you can keep assuming if you want. These men said that they haven't changed so since your so smart why were these women interested.
Um - because they are different women than the women they knew when they were younger? Because people change? Because people grow up and realize that they want more out of life than they used to? Because they were in a relationship for all of their 20's and are now single again? There are too many reasons to name. But hey - if a guy wants to stay bitter and distrustful instead of happy that he now has a chance for a relationship - he has nobody to blame but himself.
I got teased a lot when I was younger. I didn't hold it against all men for the rest of my life.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
Chances are you weren't depressed, or you were no longer depressed when your attitude adjustment started.
I suspect that some, and perhaps many of the posters here who flood this forum with pleas for advice and then argue against the value or applicability of the advice, are depressed. Which makes sense.
Well that was my attitude adjustment. I had depression meds for parts of my 20s, Celexa, wellbutrin and others... Depression was a crutch. I just decided to change and get rid of it. It was a conscious decision. I stopped the meds, stopped the drinking/smoking weed (self medicating), started exercising regularly, committed myself to grad school, and changed my outlook, consciously.
It wasn't easy to start, there is a whole lot of "fake it until you make it" time in the beginning, but what do you know... I went from being an angry dude to loving life, and shockingly () this impacted everything around me and how people reacted to me.
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) this impacted everything around me and how people reacted to me.