Long term couples getting that spark back (dating, boyfriend, marriage)
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I think it depends on why the spark was lost in the first place, and the commitment of the couple to ressurrect it.
How do you see this in other couples? I don't pay that close attention to others to know if they've lost their spark and are making attempts to regain it.
It can happen. But I doubt the relationship when it becomes that big an issue.
Like what 1 girl told another girl who wanted her boyfriend to chase her again.
I agree with all of this.
Quote:
Every relationship hits a lull at some point. You can only keep up the butterflies for so long before it's not new and exciting anymore. This is when you find out if the relationship has any real staying power. If you built it on top of a good foundation of respect and trust, then you've got something to work with. The honeymoon treatment (getting flowers, etc) is usually an expression of that new giddy love he feels in the beginning, where he's trying to win your love and impress you. You're right, he knows he's got you now, and it's very difficult to gain back that treatment because if he does it, he'll more than likely be doing it begrudgingly just to keep you quiet about it and not as a display of affection like it was before. Long term love is not movie-type love. That's a fairy tale that very, very rarely comes true.
If you're not content with the way things are now, all you can do is make your feelings known but not in a whining kind of way. But don't expect flowers every week; he'll probably still wait for the usual special occasions for that. After that honeymoon phase men tend to show their love by just doing the duty of going through the business of life without complaint... taking out the trash, scooping the litter box, mundane things that you don't equate to "love". He's showing you his love and commitment by continuing to be a contributing functional half of your duet, rather than going off to do whatever (or whomever) it is he sometimes wishes he could. It's not the pretty answer, but it's the truth of life. You can ask him to kick it up a notch but don't wait for the fireworks to come back.
I think it depends on why the spark was lost in the first place, and the commitment of the couple to ressurrect it.
How do you see this in other couples? I don't pay that close attention to others to know if they've lost their spark and are making attempts to regain it.
I dunno, it depends on what you consider a "spark."
First, both people would have to want to work on it, and if they are looking for that whole, new spark you get when you are first dating someone, it's probably not going to happen.
But a spark on a deeper level, some "surprises" (things you don't normally do), concentrating on the things you love about the person and not the things that **** you off, appreciating the bond of knowing someone well and who knows you...... sure, you can get the "spark" back, and a lot of times, something even more.
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So long as something is smoldering, you can always get back the flame.
This. As long as you don't hate each other there is hope. Over 14 years of marriage our spark died down. It began to feel like an obligation to be intimate and whether you know it or not, your spouse will pick up on that.
What has worked for us is to re-evaluate ourselves and each other. Start noticing the things your spouse does, compliment them even if it's a small compliment. Be honest with what you want from life and each other. Then make yourself the most attractive person you can be. For example, don't be content to leave that spare tire around your waist. Yes your partner loves you with it, do you feel sexy with a gut?
I know that's probably simplistic but it does seem to matter. After kids and responibilties, our relationship isn't the same as it was 14 years ago. We've aged and gone through personal struggles, but I think we are more comfortable and confident with ourselves and our bodies than we ever were and that can be fun too. Plus, there are things to explore at any age.
It's not a spark. It's more like a fire which you are both careful to keep burning with a steady supply of wood.
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