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I'm dating someone who I've realized has very opposite view points than me in many ways. We have some similarities too of course, but I feel he has held many of his views in, or just made assumptions, or expects me to compromise to his side.....Generally I date people who are very similar to me at least when it comes to some fundamental values and beliefs... I try to bring things up but he usually changes the subject, and I wonder if they will be problems in the long run, when it comes to raising kids, and just the future in general.
I can't imagine being with someone who doesn't share the same fundamental values/ beliefs. My husband and I are both Christian, want the same number of kids, agree on the roles of husband and wife. We differ on many more things than we agree on like; he would rather be inside, I'd rather be outdoors even camping, he likes technology, I am not a huge fan, the list goes on and on. It's nice to not be married to a replica of myself but ultimately at the end of the day it's our matching beliefs that get us through marriage and allow us to work through anything.
I know, it's quite odd. I just met his family on a several day trip together and on the surface he and I get along really well, never argue or fight and have amazing chemistry. But if I bring up things he gets uncomfortable and we just don't talk about our views/etc too much. it's starting to worry me since I know the direction he is going in and foresees a future, but I don't know if it's a control issue or just that he hates conflict/drama to such an extreme.
I know, it's quite odd. I just met his family on a several day trip together and on the surface he and I get along really well, never argue or fight and have amazing chemistry. But if I bring up things he gets uncomfortable and we just don't talk about our views/etc too much. it's starting to worry me since I know the direction he is going in and foresees a future, but I don't know if it's a control issue or just that he hates conflict/drama to such an extreme.
Although subtle, this to me would be a potential red flag because there isn't discussion around what's making him uncomfortable. He should be able to at least express himself because it helps you understand his views and values and determine long-term compatibility.
I think it just depends what differences you have. If he likes you like rap and he likes swing, I think you'll make it. If he thinks being monogamous is pointless and you don't.. there will be problems.
ok one of us: republican, pro war, pro military, anti health food/organics, very much meat and potatoes type and despises fish (can't be eaten around), ex athlete so looks perfect still and does not work out at all, anti religions (especially muslims), judgmental, hates conflict and does not communicate, pushes opinions/tastes/preferences on other one, spontaneous/procrastinator
the other one: libertarian, anti war, limited military, pro health food/organics, life long TOTAL health nut and does not really eat meat besides fish, total gym rat and loves daily physical activity, accepts all religions and believes in tolerance for all, feels need to be open and tries to communicate but does not really work, does not push personal preferences on other one, planner
both: atheists, kind, respectful, love children and animals, outgoing, very monogamous/committed, love hiking, outdoors, world travelers and domestic road trippers
I think moreso it helps to simply be open minded toward alternate viewpoints and not be a stick in the mud who has to have things their way. Some people get really offended when others differ from their belief systems and some can tolerate it fine. Some people absolutely refuse to try foods they do not 'like' or do new things, while others will do so... Learn to appreciate the things you do have in common and don't fret about the things you do not.
Some people are real control freaks and they are better avoided in today's modern, open culture.
If you are an accepting, curious person, it has a higher chance of working than if you are judgmental and rigid.
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