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We often hear woebegone tails of curt dismissal, dates gone horribly awry, hopes dashed, plans cancelled, solicitous gentlemen turned scoundrels, expectations crushed. People are alone, people refuse to "settle", people hustle and unfurl peacock feathers to affect a good impression – and somehow muddle through the mating-dance.
Frequently I'm the cheerleader for an entirely different system, an older system before dating and the various encroachments of modernity. But is this idle romanticism? So let's instead attempt to assemble some genuine data, or at least anecdotes based on experience. What sort of family lore do we have around here, for how our forebears met? I don't mean drive-through movies and chaperoned school-dances, the fond recollections of grandma when she was a teenager. I mean centuries ago – long before telegrams or railroads, when few people ventured outside of their villages ever in their lifetimes. Members of this Forum, I encourage you to consult your family histories. Does anyone have records going back 10 generations or more? How did n-times-great grandma meet n-times-great grandpa? How were they introduced? How did printed communication and universal primary-schooling change this? What about the ebb and flow of religion, or migrations from farms to towns, or immigration?
My grandparents were all born in the early 1900's in small rural farming communities. I don't have the details of how they met but they basically knew each other thru church, school, family and friends within the same community.
I've heard whispers that my maternal gpa was more or less set up and pushed into marriage with his first wife who died in childbirth. On the opposite end my paternal gpa was nearly disowned because he married a halfbreed.
The dating pool was definitely limited before times of mass transportation to the point of the family tree crossing branches. Family pressure and acceptance also played a stronger role in dating choices.
My ancestors all met in different ways. Most met from attending the same schools, same groups of friends etc. An exception is my paternal grandparents who met when he was stationed in England.
Since I started this thread, I'll chime in. Of my paternal grandparents, I know very little. They started in some village, arriving in the then-imperial capital as artisans of some sort. My maternal grandparents were from a junior castoff branch of an aristocratic family. Everyone in the line who bothered to have children, had them late - as in, late 30s (my maternal grandmother would have been 114, and I'm a Gen-X'er). From what I understand, marriages were contracted to preserve the bloodline and to centralize land ownership. All of this was obviated by certain intervening events in the early 20th century.
The theme towards which I'm attempting to drive here, is that in earlier times we had fewer choices and less theoretical freedom. However, we also had less stress. With freedom comes responsibility, and I remain unpersuaded that the trade is worthwhile.
I know that my grandmother met my grandfather when they were fleeing from East Germany during WWII (it's now Poland)
All able men were dead or still fighting and my grandfather was wounded and didn't have to go back. So my grandmother married him because there were no other men to choose from. She was very tall and demanding and he was a short, pitiful dude. He died when I was little and I think she was happier after he passed. Divorcing was not an option in Germany back then.
Bob and Muriel were brother and sister, and Fred and Grace were their neighbours.
Bob married Grace and Fred married Muriel.
All stayed married for decades.
Simpler times.
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