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Old 06-27-2014, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Vail, CO
957 posts, read 1,060,715 times
Reputation: 1108

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If I was OP, I couldn't deal with it.

Even if the guy is truly depressed or whatever his issue may be, he can still work and improve. Maybe you leaving will give him a jumpstart.

Sounds like the dude needs to look into the bottom of well.

Either way, Good Luck.
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Old 06-27-2014, 06:26 PM
 
1,806 posts, read 1,738,233 times
Reputation: 988
Unfortunately, when you look at the data around this topic, women don't really use career and financial future as criteria when dating. The data around this shows that it only becomes an issue when things go towards getting serious or marriage.

The best way to judge how people will act is to look at how they do act. This is how the guy is. It's unfortunate you didn't realize this before you became vested in the situation.

Break up with him, move on. You're young, have some fun and don't get serious with anyone who doesn't meet your long term objectives.
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Old 06-27-2014, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Southern California
15,080 posts, read 20,479,858 times
Reputation: 10343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buttercream View Post
I'm in a very loving relationship, my boyfriend checks all the boxes for a great partner, at least emotionally and mentally. The thing about him that's been bothering me is... He's 25 and he has no ambition. It's a problem for me because even though I'm only 21, I think about our future a lot. I obviously want us to get married and have a family together one day. I'm in university, and constantly dwelling on my future. He's 25, never gone to college before and spends his time everyday doing nothing. We don't live together.

...

Do I have a platform/right reason to worry about this? Or am I just being too superficial and not respecting his individual enough with wanting him to pursue a real job path and not be the way he is?

...
Yes. But there's nothing you can do about it. So you can either accept his lack of ambition and lack of morals because you love him. Or, you can leave him and go find someone who has ambition and morals, and can love just as much, if not more, than the current bum while you still have the future ahead of you.

Look at the signs to figure out if the train ticket you're about to buy will get you to your destination. Because if it's wrong, you won't be able to get off until the next stop and there are no refunds.

[choo-choo]
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Old 06-27-2014, 07:55 PM
 
Location: In bucolic TN
1,706 posts, read 3,310,130 times
Reputation: 2412
This is more about you than him. You are seeking a justification to break up. Just break up. There are small parts of the relationship that feel good and that you will miss, but there are other parts that rub you raw. Why take half a sandwich without the meat and try to be satisfied when you can get a relationship just the way you want it by waiting for the right one, and that will take you to paradise? We all make mistakes, and afterwards, we improve. Work on the latter portion before you realize through commitment what the errors are (and this thread comes back to haunt you).
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Old 06-27-2014, 08:30 PM
 
3,978 posts, read 4,578,978 times
Reputation: 2243
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buttercream View Post

Do I have a platform/right reason to worry about this? Or am I just being too superficial and not respecting his individual enough with wanting him to pursue a real job path and not be the way he is?
There are women out there who wouldn't date me due to the fact that I didn't graduate from an Ivy League school or a school at similar level, and also the fact that I am not rich. That, I would call superficial, but then again, who am I to judge or to criticize someone's criteria for choosing a mate?

I recently went out with this girl who was clearly not impressed at all with my answer to her question "which school did you get your graduate degree from?" She's also not impressed with my work, although I am making close to six figure. I consider, in my opinion, her standards, are too high.

To sum it up, no, you're not being too superficial. You're just having a realistic standard.

Last edited by Quaker15; 06-27-2014 at 09:52 PM..
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Old 06-27-2014, 08:34 PM
 
35,094 posts, read 51,259,761 times
Reputation: 62669
I'm in a very loving relationship, my boyfriend checks all the boxes for a great partner

If you follow up the above statement you wrote in your post with.......

but....

you have been with the guy too long, move on or quit complaining. He won't change and you can't change him.
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Old 06-27-2014, 09:11 PM
 
3,978 posts, read 4,578,978 times
Reputation: 2243
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
you have been with the guy too long, move on or quit complaining. He won't change and you can't change him.
Do you think she should move on or quit complaining?
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Old 06-27-2014, 09:15 PM
 
3,009 posts, read 3,643,944 times
Reputation: 2376
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quaker15 View Post
Do you think she should move on or quit complaining?

It all depends on what she wants out of this relationship and life. If she wants a family and kids she needs to ask her self will this guy do his part in providing for family? Will he make a good dad and be there for the good bad and ugly times?

Or is he just Mr right now if that the case stop complaining and wait to find someone better.
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Old 06-27-2014, 09:18 PM
 
3,978 posts, read 4,578,978 times
Reputation: 2243
Quote:
Originally Posted by krieger00 View Post
.... to find someone better.
Do you think I am better?
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Old 06-27-2014, 09:20 PM
 
3,009 posts, read 3,643,944 times
Reputation: 2376
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quaker15 View Post
Do you think I am better?
I do not know you to make that call so i have no idea.
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