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Plenty of white dudes struggle dating too. I wouldn't hang your dating success or failures on your skin hue......
Oh I've gotten dates. I'm saying just more matches and interest.
Say I message someone outside my race and they just ignore it. I could assume they didn't like what I wrote, despite me putting thought into it, or they weren't attracted to me. Some of it can be attributed to race.
My sample size is too small, but I hear both great and terrible things about online dating. I just don't believe in it so it work until I change my thinking.
Not for me. On online dating sites I've found only married men, really weird men, and men looking to get laid. Meeting men locally in real life works best for me. That's why I suggest Meetup, volunteering, joining clubs and groups, etc.
Pretty much my experience though I did meet several men who were normal but no connection. Offline I never had problems but online men I wanted didn't want me and those who wanted me I didn't want.
The world has functioned for many years without having to screen through thousands of potential people to find 1. The idea that people need to review thousands to pick one something brand new, since dating websites got started, actually.
Metaphysique summed it up perfectly. You can't compare the ways things worked a hundred years ago or a thousand years because people's idea of what made an ideal long-term relationship was very different. Look at how many marriages fail today. Why is that? Well probably because our standards have increased. Now marriage isn't just about property or producing offspring. Now we're looking for people we can commit to for the rest of our lives. You say the idea of reviewing among thousands to pick one person originated with dating sites. False. Dating sites came about precisely because wanted to way to pick among those thousands.
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Originally Posted by AlfredB1979
I've never found that daunting and I'll tell you why. Odds are the 5'4" divorced 30-year old chick who wants to date a guy 6' or taller as per her profile won't notice me being "only" 5'11" up close and personal. Granted, her being divorced is something I won't deal with (my belief) once it comes out, but I'm not reduced to a pile of numbers in real life, either. Just like you, I wouldn't inquire about politics on a first date, either. Why? They're not important overall to me if she's straight, wants a few kiddos and is overall an agreeable sort. On the street, a chick isn't laying out her Instagram profile address with nary a hint of meeting in person just to get the attention, aka "I don't know you well enough to date you" aka "You are way down on my list, but if you entertain me for a while, I'll let you entertain me for a while longer!"
It seems like your theory of putting a whole alphabet together is exactly what happens with OLD. People get A/B/C/D, which anywhere else in reality is "good enough" and then they hold out for the rest. Window shopping is a doozy.
I'm thinking it would be more fruitful to be chummy with a few "People you may know" types on Facebook who happen to be friends of friends. Odds are I have something in common already.
Look the bold part. This is exactly the attitude most people take. And it's no wonder they get married and then get divorced a few years later. Wanting someone who's straight, wants a few kids, and is agreeable isn't enough to build a lasting relationship on, certainly not that's meant to be a lifetime commitment.
Online dating means finding a romantic partner or sexual partner on the internet. There are different dedicated website people generally use for online dating. I have not any personal experience, i never did online dating ever.
We're not talking about the "world." The world has functioned without a host of things for millennia. Fact is, until the more recent century, marriage was nothing more than a business contract between two families, and in other parts of the world it still operates that way. They were arranged for civil/property/financial and status reasons. Marriage due to "love" and all that romantic stuff came much, much later.
So, does that mean we should go back to the olden days where the majority of marriages were arranged and loveless? And many in my parents' and grandparents' generation also married not for "love," but for duty, especially considering until more recent decades many, again, married for religious principles, because it was expected. And to legitimize children and sex -- can't have sex until you're married, principle. Couples often met through family or friends of family or through church. We, as a society, were not quite brushed up on relationship dynamics and human psychology, at least not as we know it today. Women weren't treated as equals in relationships. They were mere property. Compatibility that existed was based largely on the religious and cultural principles one accepted. Back then there simply wasn't the diversity in worldviews as there is today. Caring whether a spouse believes in same-sex marriage equality wasn't important then as it is today. It didn't even exist as a concept or issue. Back then interracial couples couldn't even marry. Now, there are many people who believe firmly in certain principles, and will only pursue people who also espouse those same principles.
There are more facets to compatibility now than before, especially with the progress of society, its views, its diversity in people, culture, and ideologies. A lot of women didn't have a voice or a say in their marriage, and what constituted a "good" marriage then would likely not be what many consider a good marriage now. Just because there are couples who have stayed married for 30, 40 and 50 years doesn't mean they are compatible or were happy. It just meant they stayed together that long for whatever reason, and for many it is due to status, expectations, money, and religious ideologies.
Just because relationships "functioned" before the advent of modern technology - OLD, doesn't mean these were A+ relationships or anything to aspire to. I much prefer today's society, being free to date whomever I want, to be selective, to be with someone not because we have a similar religious background, but because we're actually compatible on many levels.
I see that you've missed the point. I can tell because you're now favorably comparing my distaste for reviewing thousands of people online, against the past in which parents set up marriages. I'm not in saying one should travel to the past and have one's parents find one's mate. I'm merely saying that with people all around in the city/town where we live, there is no reason to hop online and browse thousands of humans, many of whom live far away.
Can you search through thousands of humans? Sure! The technology is available. Is the technology improving your life and making it easier for you to find a better mate than using trad methods? Doubt it! In fact, the "screen thousands" dating technology falsely ups the ante, giving everyone the impression or feeling that a greater choice will automatically lead to finding a more attractive, better off person with a better personality. It's a new myth created by that technology.
Is it fun? Maybe, if what thrills you is lifting your hopes up and your adrenaline, constantly browsing through faces and profiles, e-mailing them, then praying and hoping the person posted an accurate photo, is not a liar, and is not a person with a rap sheet the size of his/her thigh.
To me, it is a huge waste of time.
There are so many things that are bad about dating websites. For example, dating websites go out of their way to give an impression that there are actually MORE people on the website looking for a mate, than there actually are. They do this using 2 methods. One is, that they continue to show everyone's photo and profile, regardless of whether you ever go on the website again. You can be married, live in Timbuktu, and have 10 kids, but the website is still posting and promoting your pic and profile to give everyone the impression that they actually have lots more people than they do. It's an ever-growing data base, most of which is not up to date, but that works to their advantage. The second way is by posting fake profiles and sending false e-mails.
Then there are the Princes of Nigeria scams on dating websites, and other such fake profiles by scam artists whose intent is to hook you into a false relationship online (which you think is real) by posting a sweet and lovely profile, fake region of the country, and a picture of a very hot girl. Once hooked, they then eventually ask you for $ help under some pretense (my sister is dying of leukemia and I can't go see you until I can pay for her bone marrow surgery, etc.)
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