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I confess I did not read every post on here - just a few but I got the impression the wife (sorry I keep forgetting the OP's name when I "reply") wants to make this marriage work. Would prefer to see what brought it on, why, when, etc. and not break up their otherwise good marriage from before.
You're right I am not ready to abandon my life and my marriage over one email. I am still in a stat of hurt, confusion and shock. I don't know what will happen, but I am not discussing anything like that over an email. If it is that important to him he can be a man and tell me when he comes home in January. And if that's what he really wants, he can have it. I am (not to sound conceited) a very smart, independent, vivacious, not to mention BEAUTIFUL woman, who REFUSES to sit around and cry over spilled mile and beg him or force him into something he is sure he doesn't want. But for the sake of love and the commitment I made to him God and our families, it's worth a try....I can't just say, "Well, oh well he sent the email now we're done." Nope. I do plan on talking with him and if he thinks the grass is greener the he can mmoooooovvvveee on to the other side....
That may be a good plan for your personal emotional balance, but keep in mind that he is corresponding with the other woman, and your absence puts you farther in the background while she is right there in his mind every day when he reads her email.
That may be the case but If his wife of 5 years and mother of his child is gone from his mind, the sanctity of this marriage gone....so be it....I refuse to beg. I deserve more than that. I am also not going to ask him questions or consistently discuss it on email. Thats just like picking away at the same wound. If I want to slap him I cant...well that may be extreme but...I can't...so I can wait.
Blessings to you during this very hard time you are going through. It sounds like you have a relationship with your Higher Power, so just keep turning there for both comfort and answers. I have found it helpful not just to ask/demand the "why me" but also the "What is going on here" and "how do I take care of myself in this situation."
Lean on the people who know you and love you (friends, family, people you trust who have your best interests at heart) for comfort during this time. You can't change someone's mind about anything, and if he is ever gong to find his way back to you and his marriage, he is going to do it on his own, not through anyone forcing him. The main thing for you is to take really good care of yourself at this time, keep the focus on yourself, and how to take care of your own well-being.
DiamondD - great post.
To the OP, I'm sorry to hear this and I have to agree with Diamond on this one. If he's going to come back to you, he'll have to do it on his own, not because someone forced him to. I know it's hard, but you know what, at least he came clean about it. I understand it hurts but it would hurt a whole lot more had he come home and carried on this affair behind your back.
As you stated before, you DO NOT need to beg. You DO NOT need to make him feel guilty - he will be held accountable for his actions. Quite frankly, the grass always "LOOKS" greener on the other side but tends to actually be "diseased".
Get busy focusing on YOU and your child. Start creating a new life for yourself, this way by the time he comes home, YOU will be in the "drivers' seat"
If and/or when there is a divorce I don't need to use anything against him. He has already admitted to that and we live in a community property state. I don't need alimony, I wouldn't want it. The only thing that would need to be set up is child support and custody and even that wouldn't be an issue..
think again about the "i don't need alimony".... i took that route out of my pride and dignity and fierce determination....and even though people advised otherwise i ignored them.... and it cost me big time. 15 years later still regret that particular course of action. Child support no where near covers expenses of raising a kid. Even when alimony is collected, it doesn't near address a wife and mother's contribution to a marriage. If you are entitled to something legally, even if you think now you don't need it or want it please think again. For your security, for your future, for your education, for your family, for your home, for your children, for any of that. It is not an act of meanness or vindictiveness to collect alimony.
think again about the "i don't need alimony".... i took that route out of my pride and dignity and fierce determination....and even though people advised otherwise i ignored them.... and it cost me big time. 15 years later still regret that particular course of action. Child support no where near covers expenses of raising a kid. Even when alimony is collected, it doesn't near address a wife and mother's contribution to a marriage. If you are entitled to something legally, even if you think now you don't need it or want it please think again. For your security, for your future, for your education, for your family, for your home, for your children, for any of that. It is not an act of meanness or vindictiveness to collect alimony.
You're right I am not ready to abandon my life and my marriage over one email. I am still in a stat of hurt, confusion and shock. I don't know what will happen, but I am not discussing anything like that over an email. If it is that important to him he can be a man and tell me when he comes home in January. And if that's what he really wants, he can have it. I am (not to sound conceited) a very smart, independent, vivacious, not to mention BEAUTIFUL woman, who REFUSES to sit around and cry over spilled mile and beg him or force him into something he is sure he doesn't want. But for the sake of love and the commitment I made to him God and our families, it's worth a try....I can't just say, "Well, oh well he sent the email now we're done." Nope. I do plan on talking with him and if he thinks the grass is greener the he can mmoooooovvvveee on to the other side....
You go girl, you keep remembering these things about yourself. His transgressions are not a reflection on you, they are his own bad behavior.
You're right I am not ready to abandon my life and my marriage over one email. I am still in a stat of hurt, confusion and shock. I don't know what will happen, but I am not discussing anything like that over an email. If it is that important to him he can be a man and tell me when he comes home in January. And if that's what he really wants, he can have it. I am (not to sound conceited) a very smart, independent, vivacious, not to mention BEAUTIFUL woman, who REFUSES to sit around and cry over spilled mile and beg him or force him into something he is sure he doesn't want. But for the sake of love and the commitment I made to him God and our families, it's worth a try....I can't just say, "Well, oh well he sent the email now we're done." Nope. I do plan on talking with him and if he thinks the grass is greener the he can mmoooooovvvveee on to the other side....
I don't think you should "beg" either, but I do think you should contend for your marriage, mainly contend in prayer where it makes the most difference. I am praying for both of you that God will wake him up and give him a change of heart.
think again about the "i don't need alimony".... i took that route out of my pride and dignity and fierce determination....and even though people advised otherwise i ignored them.... and it cost me big time. 15 years later still regret that particular course of action. Child support no where near covers expenses of raising a kid. Even when alimony is collected, it doesn't near address a wife and mother's contribution to a marriage. If you are entitled to something legally, even if you think now you don't need it or want it please think again. For your security, for your future, for your education, for your family, for your home, for your children, for any of that. It is not an act of meanness or vindictiveness to collect alimony.
Well as far as alimony goes..If I really felt like I needed it or would need it then I would be signing up for it trust me, I know how hard it can get to be a single mother. Thank goodness I was able to finish my B.S and will be starting on my masters next semester. Little does he know, I will be making 4 times more than he does starting in February, so he needs it. When we first got married we always talked about children and from day one we started putting money away for future children into a cd so that the money could be saved and mature over time. Those child support payments can be direct deposited right into it. But he will be held accountable for our son.
Last edited by cmcwilliams; 12-20-2007 at 08:50 AM..
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. 
Really Don't need it.
