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[quote=Fragments;35591594] Mod cut: previously deleted post.
I have slept with many women with boyfriends/husbands with this attitude....you talk as if you own your wife, as if she is a TV. You can't treat people like property. And you are completely wrong, when you are in an open relationship, you aren't going to disrespect your partner doing anything like that. When you are open about things, you give 100% respect to your partner. What you speak of, happens when a wife cheats on her husband. He is controlling, abusive, those are the guys where the wife sleeps with guys, using the "marital" bed, where she offers you his beer and food. Guys with your mentality, should check the dried "cream cheese frosting" that wasn't there in the morning, but appears after work.
[Nila] never said or gave the impression that she would cheat on him. She would be monogomous with him, and then as a couple later in the marriage, it would be open. Never did she imply she would cheat or lie about anything
Trust is the number 1 thing you need to make an open relationship work, quickly followed by communication. Once one party starts hiding details from the other than cracks will start forming in the foundation.
These situations aren't for everyone, but for the people they cater too, it allows them to have emotional intimacy while still being able to tame their wild side. I can't even say it hasn't crossed my mind, but I wouldn't be able to do it, because I don't have good experiences with women that could keep it strictly sexual. So even if they slept with someone else, sooner or later they would likely fall for that other person, so I already acknowledge I have a tendency to attract women where sex is more than just sex to them.
I prefer monogamy... but I've accepted the reality that with what I want from a man, chances are, it might not happen.
I just want a casual relationship. See a man a few times a month, have fun, date, have sex, etc. I don't want to be the #1 priority in his life because right not, I can't offer that to any man. I don't want a super serious relationship. I am not looking for a potential husband. I just want a companion to share some of life's moments with and do fun things with. Maybe in time I might want more, but right now... I just want to date and maybe, at best, be someone's girlfriend.
Having said that, from what I've read here, most men wouldn't be satisfied with that. They say if they only see a woman 3-4 times a month, they need more. So In that regard, I might need to make the sacrifice and realize that he might not be only dating me (even if I prefer him too).
But MY reality has been, ever man I've dated, hasn't really had other options like the guys here have. The man I am dating now (been on three dates with at this point) hasn't had a date other than me in over a year. The man I dated before him had not had a date or sex in eight years.
But no matter what a man I date does or doesn't do, I am not the type to sleep with more than one man at a time. Just not my thing.
I forget how old you are. 30s?
I think this might actually be easy to find, if you are willing to date older. I come across a lot of men in the 45-60 age group who want exactly this. A few-times-a-month girlfriend.
For younger guys, yes, you might have to do a poly/mono thing. I had a relationship like that when I was busy starting my business and didn't have time for a full time relationship. He dated other people, and I could have but didn't. For a while he was living with a woman. I think he and she were monogamous, so he and I switched to friends-only at that time. (This was a while ago, so I forget the details.) It worked out well for us. You just have to be open to change, and make sure everyone involved is cool with what is happening.
Many married, poly guys also want someone who they can be emotionally close with but only see once every week or two. So there is that target market, too .
I think this might actually be easy to find, if you are willing to date older. I come across a lot of men in the 45-60 age group who want exactly this. A few-times-a-month girlfriend.
For younger guys, yes, you might have to do a poly/mono thing. I had a relationship like that when I was busy starting my business and didn't have time for a full time relationship. He dated other people, and I could have but didn't. For a while he was living with a woman. I think he and she were monogamous, so he and I switched to friends-only at that time. (This was a while ago, so I forget the details.) It worked out well for us. You just have to be open to change, and make sure everyone involved is cool with what is happening.
Many married, poly guys also want someone who they can be emotionally close with but only see once every week or two. So there is that target market, too .
I don't mind dating older... but not too much older. I have a heard time dating men closer to the age of my parents and uncles... although the man I dated early in the year was in his 50s. But he was an exception really--I'd known him for so long.
Hopefully I will run into a man who wants the same as I do. The man I am going out with tonight is late 40s and seems that way. He states clearly that his family is his number one priority and his job is a close second. He also isn't obsessive about contacting me all the time. So it's all good signs so far.
Two of my colleagues once waxed philosophical about how much better love was the second time around; both had been divorced previously. I laughed and told them that's only true because they botched marrying right the first time around.
I've been with my wife for twenty-six years, married for twenty-one, and I have been 100% faithful the entire time despite having ample opportunity to stray. Maybe I'm just fortunate, or maybe it's because my fidelity has been rewarded but I have never wondered about what I was missing. There is something very special about making a relationship work, particularly for so many years. And it also helps that whatever it was that first distinguished my wife as "the one" is still there.
Two of my colleagues once waxed philosophical about how much better love was the second time around; both had been divorced previously. I laughed and told them that's only true because they botched marrying right the first time around.
I've been with my wife for twenty-six years, married for twenty-one, and I have been 100% faithful the entire time despite having ample opportunity to stray. Maybe I'm just fortunate, or maybe it's because my fidelity has been rewarded but I have never wondered about what I was missing. There is something very special about making a relationship work, particularly for so many years. And it also helps that whatever it was that first distinguished my wife as "the one" is still there.
THIS is what I would like.
Do you have any brothers? LOL
And why is it so hard to find?
I don't view it as "is it natural or is it not" becuase at the end of the day that doesn't matter to the situation I put myself in.
If i decide to be in a relationship with a person who strictly believes that they are not ok with other partners I respect them and and do not do they things that lead to "extra" people on the side.
I tend to fall in monogamous relationships but I don't strictly believe I "need to" be in them.
There are tens of thousands of people I am compatible with out there logically, it comes down to my choices and my respect towards others that keeps my focus narrowed.
I have never had an issue finding a "good" partner. That just comes down to common sense and being able to make logical choices and acting on them. So, the idea of "the one" is strictly in name only for me.
The argument of we are naturally X or Y is like arguing what's right from wrong When you start to eliminate social structure and other elements from the mix your right may not be everyone else and certainly not for every circumstance and situation.
we are ALL capable of understanding the choices we make for ourselves and that's all that it comes down to. "Definitions" don't make people, actions do.
Last edited by rego00123; 07-10-2014 at 03:43 PM..
NilaJones: I've had open, poly, and monogamous relationships. I liked all three styles. For me, it's just a matter of where I am at in my life, what my partner wants, what seems practical, etc. I don't get jealous easily.
I could have written that, and it is true for me. My current LTR has had all of these variants depending on what we've wanted at the time and the opportunities available.
Quote:
JustJulia: We identify as monogamous and have no problem being exclusive when we choose to. We have FWBs and have fun on the side from time to time.
While we don't identify as monogamous, we are mostly so these days. Likewise, we have FWBs occasionally and that has worked well for us over the past 14 years. We're flexible, yet totally devoted to each other as well.
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