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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Sorry, if you don't have good manners, you are NOT a "decent" person to date.
And you would make up your mind on that from one spur of the moment interaction? OP, if you are going to let small like this stain your mind on people, prepare for a lonely life.
Where I live, each paying for their own is normal in dating. It's unusual if a guy offers to pay and it always makes me feel super-awkward because I don't know how to respond. I worry that it's some kind of test and I don't know the correct answer.
The OPs post just screams just a casual hanging out type of thing up to the point of the bite to eat. It ain't like the OP dressed up to the nines and got stuck with 1/2 the bill at Wash DCs hottest restaurant.
This is how I see it. Did he even say it was a date? He may have been viewing it as casual hanging out. I may not even have expected someone to pay in this type of situation. Just having free fun together, then grabbing a bit to eat? If the OP liked the guy (up until the fateful moment), found him interesting and fun, that should be the deciding factor. The least she could do is give him a second chance. And herself a second chance to get to know potentially a great guy.
I also think dating norms are changing. As we've seen on other threads in the past, some women prefer to pay their own way, at least in the beginning stages. I don't see this as a big deal. If the OP & her guy are in their teens or 20's, hanging out with no expectation of paying, i.e. a non-date date, is not uncommon.
Thank you! It's not about the money! Like I said, $4 is really nothing. It was a formal date where I was asked out. I had no idea where we were going but I said I like live music so I was happy it was a jazz concert. This was a second date. The first date we were at a nice sit down restaurant (he asked me out). When the bill came I offered to pay half...and he let me. I let it go because I got a specialty drink and felt guilty. This last date kind of really turned me off though. I am old fashioned and I like to be courted in the beginning. I don't want a lot but paying for a meal in the beginning is usually what guys who are interested in me tend to do. I kind of feel like this guy is saying I am not worth his money. It was also embarrassing to be in a line full of people and have my date not pay for me. The cashier even looked at him first for his credit card since he was standing next to me. Awkward...For the record we also went to a movie for the first date and I purchased the tickets because he was late arriving.
No offense Froggie, but I think you are missing the point.
IF the guy officially asked her out and this was their first date, it was rude/wrong of him not to offer to pay.
Well, now she finally leaked all the information while I was posting.
So, this is a bad guy for HER to date. He may not be a bad guy in general, maybe he should try to find women who aren't worried about paying there way.
Thank you! It's not about the money! Like I said, $4 is really nothing. It was a formal date where I was asked out. I had no idea where we were going but I said I like live music so I was happy it was a jazz concert. This was a second date. The first date we were at a nice sit down restaurant (he asked me out). When the bill came I offered to pay half...and he let me. I let it go because I got a specialty drink and felt guilty. This last date kind of really turned me off though. I am old fashioned and I like to be courted in the beginning. I don't want a lot but paying for a meal in the beginning is usually what guys who are interested in me tend to do. I kind of feel like this guy is saying I am not worth his money. It was also embarrassing to be in a line full of people and have my date not pay for me. The cashier even looked at him first for his credit card since he was standing next to me. Awkward...For the record we also went to a movie for the first date and I purchased the tickets because he was late arriving.
Oh girl hell no. Tell him you two can be friends, indefinitely.
Well, now she finally leaked all the information while I was posting.
So, this is a bad guy for HER to date. He may not be a bad guy in general, maybe he should try to find women who aren't worried about paying there way.
I am not worried about paying my way. I have paid for myself and even him for the past 2 dates. I don't think that makes him a "bad guy" but being a tight wad isn't a very desirable trait either.
Well, now she finally leaked all the information while I was posting.
So, this is a bad guy for HER to date. He may not be a bad guy in general, maybe he should try to find women who aren't worried about paying there way.
Did you see the part where he was late aaaand she paid for his tickets and hers??? And that was just the first date. The least he could do for the second date is offer her some light bread from Wendy's after the free concert. The guy is a dick and very inconsiderate.
Oh girl hell no. Tell him you two can be friends, indefinitely.
I agree. After reading more details, this guy doesn't sound too great--for a date.
The 1st date, he's late. Bad impression.
You bought the tickets, which means you paid for him on that. Then at dinner, he didn't offer to pay, since you did buy tickets and wait on him for his tardiness.
Then this date, he takes you someplace that's free, then doesn't pay for your food afterward-cheap as it was, it's the gesture more than anything.
This guy is either cheap, bumbling, or doesn't have grasp of common manners. I wouldn't be going on a 3rd date with that. Not to sound uppity, but for some, chivalry is appreciated. If someone is asking someone out, and they expect to split, they need to tell their date that up front. Ask them out, but say something like "I thought we could each pay our way, is that ok with you?" It may be disappointing they won't, or may not pay, but at least they're up front. So, it's not dropped on you when you're out, or have an awkward ending. That is common courtesy as well. Because for most, it's courtesy that the one asking for a date will treat. Again not all the time, but definitely a 1st date at least.
SO, tell him you can be friends--if you wanna be nice.
But if you wanna be honest, tell him he didn't leave a good impression on the last 2 dates. lol
Last edited by HappyRain; 07-10-2014 at 09:07 PM..
Thank you! It's not about the money! Like I said, $4 is really nothing. It was a formal date where I was asked out. I had no idea where we were going but I said I like live music so I was happy it was a jazz concert. This was a second date. The first date we were at a nice sit down restaurant (he asked me out). When the bill came I offered to pay half...and he let me. I let it go because I got a specialty drink and felt guilty. This last date kind of really turned me off though. I am old fashioned and I like to be courted in the beginning. I don't want a lot but paying for a meal in the beginning is usually what guys who are interested in me tend to do. I kind of feel like this guy is saying I am not worth his money. It was also embarrassing to be in a line full of people and have my date not pay for me. The cashier even looked at him first for his credit card since he was standing next to me. Awkward...For the record we also went to a movie for the first date and I purchased the tickets because he was late arriving.
From a guy's pov you did this to yourself. Offered to pay at a more expensive place why wouldn't you pay for your half of Wendy's ?
I wouldn't have let a girl pay at all but you did offer and that sets a precedent
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OP, if you are going to let small 
like this stain your mind on people, prepare for a lonely life.
