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Her talking to him is giving him mixed signals. She's too afraid of hurting his feelings. Unfortunately, it's on her to tell this guy to stop. She works with him so you can't expect her to completely cut all conversation with him, but she needs to set boundaries. Boundaries that could limit the amount of times he messages her and what time of day he's allowed to so she has time with you. He also needs to respect her wishes to stop messaging when you two are having some time together. She also needs to respect your wishes as her boyfriend to ignore this man's messages. I think if he makes any more advances on her such as ask her out especially knowing that she's already taken, she needs to cut all conversation with him entirely including at work. Unless it's work related, she really has no reason to talk to this man if he can't take no for an answer.
You do not sound unreasonable in your requests. You haven't explained anything pointing to irrational jealousy. You sound very fair to her and understanding of her need to talk to this guy. You also trust her and she needs to consider your feelings when you ask her not to talk to this guy. It's a fair request. If this guy is obsessive, it can only get worse. It may not be that. It may only be nothing more than a crush or an innocent flirting friendship, but it's a fine line between appropriate friendship and non-appropriate friendship and that line needs to be drawn.
^^^^ I agree with this.
What I do not understand is why the need for her *or anyone, male or female, who is in a relationship* to give her number and snapchat to a male co-worker.
She works with him. They a co-workers. That is it. Her giving the guy her contact information was not even necessary. I do not give my co-workers my contact information. I have no need to.
My girlfriend is, at least I think, attractive by most standards. Now there's this guy who works with her who will just not leave her alone. In my opinion, he's obnoxious and annoying, and she did agree with me on that. However, she gave him her number and snapchat and always responds when he contacts her, and has conversations with him, and whenever she does some social outing with coworkers he always makes sure to come along even if he originally didn't plan to.
I believe her that she doesn't like him either as a friend or as more than friends. But she gets mad when I tell her not to talk to him, even though she says he's annoying! Her response: "He's nice enough, and he hasn't given me a reason to ignore him." She's shown me their conversations; he always has to say something about how much of a dbag I am, even though he barely knows me. (Now, I did do a little passive-aggressive stuff when I met him before, just some harsh looks and ignoring him when he talked) When I talked to him in private over the phone, I told him to back off, that my girlfriend is just that, my girlfriend, and that she has no interest in him whatsoever.
But when I told her what I did, she still got mad at me! She said "I don't want him to think I'm a [female dog]!" to which I replied, "well I don't want him thinking he has a chance with you". I don't want this guy to ruin our relationship, and before you tell me I'm an idiot for thinking that my gf doesn't like him, my girlfriend has flat out rejected his attempts at asking her out. Maybe I have jealousy issues? I just don't understand why she keeps talking to him.
She likes all the attention he is giving her.
So either you break it off with her, or you learn to live with it.
Otherwise you come off as jealous and controlling.
What I do not understand is why the need for her *or anyone, male or female, who is in a relationship* to give her number and snapchat to a male co-worker.
She works with him. They a co-workers. That is it. Her giving the guy her contact information was not even necessary. I do not give my co-workers my contact information. I have no need to.
And conversations at work need to be kept simple.
I tried saying that, you know, you don't have to give someone your number if they ask. Suggested she say something like "I like to keep my work life separate from personal life".
But I guess that might seem hypocritical.. My coworkers are my best friends, but that's because many of them I've known since business school, and many of them play men's league hockey with me. I definitely don't pursue anything with female coworkers I find attractive.
So either you break it off with her, or you learn to live with it.
Otherwise you come off as jealous and controlling.
She does have quite a few guy friends that she knew before she met me, and I have no problem with her having some drinks or something with those guys, without me. We're not living together or anything, so..
Her talking to him is giving him mixed signals. She's too afraid of hurting his feelings. Unfortunately, it's on her to tell this guy to stop. She works with him so you can't expect her to completely cut all conversation with him, but she needs to set boundaries. Boundaries that could limit the amount of times he massages her and what time of day he's allowed to so she has time with you. He also needs to respect her wishes to stop messaging when you two are having some time together. She also needs to respect your wishes as her boyfriend to ignore this man's messages. I think if he makes any more advances on her such as ask her out especially knowing that she's already taken, she needs to cut all conversation with him entirely including at work. Unless it's work related, she really has no reason to talk to this man if he can't take no for an answer.
You do not sound unreasonable in your requests. You haven't explained anything pointing to irrational jealousy. You sound very fair to her and understanding of her need to talk to this guy. You also trust her and she needs to consider your feelings when you ask her not to talk to this guy. It's a fair request. If this guy is obsessive, it can only get worse. It may not be that. It may only be nothing more than a crush or an innocent flirting friendship, but it's a fine line between appropriate friendship and non-appropriate friendship and that line needs to be drawn.
Yeah, I didn't think I was being unreasonable.. Maybe going behind her back to tell the guy to knock it off was bad?
My girlfriend is, at least I think, attractive by most standards. Now there's this guy who works with her who will just not leave her alone. In my opinion, he's obnoxious and annoying, and she did agree with me on that. However, she gave him her number and snapchat and always responds when he contacts her, and has conversations with him, and whenever she does some social outing with coworkers he always makes sure to come along even if he originally didn't plan to.
I believe her that she doesn't like him either as a friend or as more than friends. But she gets mad when I tell her not to talk to him, even though she says he's annoying! Her response: "He's nice enough, and he hasn't given me a reason to ignore him." She's shown me their conversations; he always has to say something about how much of a dbag I am, even though he barely knows me. (Now, I did do a little passive-aggressive stuff when I met him before, just some harsh looks and ignoring him when he talked) When I talked to him in private over the phone, I told him to back off, that my girlfriend is just that, my girlfriend, and that she has no interest in him whatsoever.
But when I told her what I did, she still got mad at me! She said "I don't want him to think I'm a [female dog]!" to which I replied, "well I don't want him thinking he has a chance with you". I don't want this guy to ruin our relationship, and before you tell me I'm an idiot for thinking that my gf doesn't like him, my girlfriend has flat out rejected his attempts at asking her out. Maybe I have jealousy issues? I just don't understand why she keeps talking to him.
Not really sure what you're so concerned about.
Women will NEVER do anything with an unattractive man whether they are married, coupled, or completely single, or on a desert island with him. And it sounds to me like her co-worker is squarely in that boat. You could be totally abusing her and treating her like crap and she still wouldn't get with a guy who was unattractive.
Now, if he falls in the 'attractive' camp and is the type of guy women dig, then you might worry depending on what type of woman you are dating. But that doesn't sound to be the case whatsoever. Your story would be totally different if it were.
Women will NEVER do anything with an unattractive man whether they are married, coupled, or completely single, or on a desert island with him. And it sounds to me like her co-worker is squarely in that boat. You could be totally abusing her and treating her like crap and she still wouldn't get with a guy who was unattractive.
Ahahahahahhaahahhaahhahahaha.
You actually believe this????
Dude...your girl is an attention whor*.
All it would take is the right guy saying the right words at the wrong time and she will fold.
Women will NEVER do anything with an unattractive man whether they are married, coupled, or completely single, or on a desert island with him. And it sounds to me like her co-worker is squarely in that boat. You could be totally abusing her and treating her like crap and she still wouldn't get with a guy who was unattractive.
Now, if he falls in the 'attractive' camp and is the type of guy women dig, then you might worry depending on what type of woman you are dating. But that doesn't sound to be the case whatsoever. Your story would be totally different if it were.
I love your cynicism, haha.
No, he's not attractive, he's well, quite chubby. But at the same time.. A couple of her exes aren't attractive (totally straight man here), but she said she does value personality and could overlook physical attractiveness..
Quote:
Originally Posted by usamathman
Ahahahahahhaahahhaahhahahaha.
You actually believe this????
Dude...your girl is an attention whor*.
All it would take is the right guy saying the right words at the wrong time and she will fold.
You don't need that in your life.
Which is why I'm concerned. The guy calls her beautiful, amazing, all the time and she doesn't set boundaries.
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. The min she gave out her number, she would be an automatic exgf 
