Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a very good friend who is single and trying to meet people, but is having very little success. I can't understand it at all. He is 35 and a nice looking guy, great tennis player, incredibly friendly, modest, and well spoken. He has traveled the world as a JAG lawyer for the Air Force, he speaks three languages, and he is incredibly intelligent and well read. It is through his circle of friends that I met my fiancee, and all of our mutual friends are great interesting people.
He has not tried online dating, but he blew it off when I suggested it to him. On the rare occasion when he does have a date, there is always a reason why a long term relationship couldn't work. This summer he had a little fling with a woman who was only in town for a month, and this past winter he reconnected with a recently divorced ex girlfriend who he admits is a horrible match for him.
Earlier this summer I introduced him to another friend of mine, a British guy who is also mid thirties and single, because he kept pointing out that all of his friends were partnered up and I thought he could use a wingman and I knew they would get along. When we all go out in public together, they both try hard to meet women, but they make the same "mistakes". They either spend all night hitting on the same early 20's bartender who is being flirty because it is her job, or they get hammered and make out with an unhappily married woman ten years older than them. Single, age appropriate women seem to be invisible to them, as they always complain that "they have guys with them" even if it is a handful of women and one or two guys and they clearly aren't together.
Anyway, I'd like to help my friend, but I don't want to be nosy or get into his business. Still, my fiancee is worried that he is getting depressed, and he always jumps at the chance to hang out with us so I don't think we are intruding on his space.
On the surface he might be fine but obviously underneath is where his issues are. Do you know anything of his past relationships, i.e. was he hurt and is carrying around baggage as a result. Choosing unavailable women, or getting briefly involved with someone knowing there's no chance for things to go anywhere, could be commitment issues or something similar.
I have a very good friend who is single and trying to meet people, but is having very little success. I can't understand it at all. He is 35 and a nice looking guy, great tennis player, incredibly friendly, modest, and well spoken. He has traveled the world as a JAG lawyer for the Air Force, he speaks three languages, and he is incredibly intelligent and well read. It is through his circle of friends that I met my fiancee, and all of our mutual friends are great interesting people.
He has not tried online dating, but he blew it off when I suggested it to him. On the rare occasion when he does have a date, there is always a reason why a long term relationship couldn't work. This summer he had a little fling with a woman who was only in town for a month, and this past winter he reconnected with a recently divorced ex girlfriend who he admits is a horrible match for him.
Earlier this summer I introduced him to another friend of mine, a British guy who is also mid thirties and single, because he kept pointing out that all of his friends were partnered up and I thought he could use a wingman and I knew they would get along. When we all go out in public together, they both try hard to meet women, but they make the same "mistakes". They either spend all night hitting on the same early 20's bartender who is being flirty because it is her job, or they get hammered and make out with an unhappily married woman ten years older than them. Single, age appropriate women seem to be invisible to them, as they always complain that "they have guys with them" even if it is a handful of women and one or two guys and they clearly aren't together.
Anyway, I'd like to help my friend, but I don't want to be nosy or get into his business. Still, my fiancee is worried that he is getting depressed, and he always jumps at the chance to hang out with us so I don't think we are intruding on his space.
Why do people feel the need to set people up?
"Aww...it's a stray kitty. We need to feed it and find it a home."
"No, you can let it alone to catch mice on their own."
I would think the reason why Chemistry Guy feels compelled to help is because if his friend wasn't trying to find answers, he wouldn't be telling Chemistry Guy all his problems like this in detail. People do that when they want help. When they don't want help, they keep it to themselves or shrug it off.
I agree that online dating isn't best for everyone, so don't push it. If he's hanging out with you and your fiancee, maybe she knows of some single women who would be interested in him. Don't make dates for him, but when you go out, invite him and maybe on of these single friends of hers and just let things progress if they do (or not). Don't push anything, but expose him to single women.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I would think the reason why Chemistry Guy feels compelled to help is because if his friend wasn't trying to find answers, he wouldn't be telling Chemistry Guy all his problems like this in detail. People do that when they want help. When they don't want help, they keep it to themselves or shrug it off.
I don't really agree with that. People like to b*tch and moan plenty. Lord knows we see plenty of complainers here that really don't seem to want to fix their lives or accept any advice.
But if someone can't step up and say "can you help me", they don't deserve nor should they receive help.
I have a very good friend who is single and trying to meet people, but is having very little success. I can't understand it at all. He is 35 and a nice looking guy, great tennis player, incredibly friendly, modest, and well spoken. He has traveled the world as a JAG lawyer for the Air Force, he speaks three languages, and he is incredibly intelligent and well read. It is through his circle of friends that I met my fiancee, and all of our mutual friends are great interesting people.
He has not tried online dating, but he blew it off when I suggested it to him. On the rare occasion when he does have a date, there is always a reason why a long term relationship couldn't work. This summer he had a little fling with a woman who was only in town for a month, and this past winter he reconnected with a recently divorced ex girlfriend who he admits is a horrible match for him.
Earlier this summer I introduced him to another friend of mine, a British guy who is also mid thirties and single, because he kept pointing out that all of his friends were partnered up and I thought he could use a wingman and I knew they would get along. When we all go out in public together, they both try hard to meet women, but they make the same "mistakes". They either spend all night hitting on the same early 20's bartender who is being flirty because it is her job, or they get hammered and make out with an unhappily married woman ten years older than them. Single, age appropriate women seem to be invisible to them, as they always complain that "they have guys with them" even if it is a handful of women and one or two guys and they clearly aren't together.
Anyway, I'd like to help my friend, but I don't want to be nosy or get into his business. Still, my fiancee is worried that he is getting depressed, and he always jumps at the chance to hang out with us so I don't think we are intruding on his space.
Personally, if I had a friend who thought they were the expert of my life in knowing what's best for me, I'd drop them in a heartbeat.
I don't like to be judged.
What your friend is doing is being your friend. He's hanging out with you, not asking for help or advice.
When you are in the position of giving advice or taking a stance of positioning him in the corner (even if he's cornering himself), you're essentially saying, "You need help."
Okay so he's a good looking successful 35 yr old. Maybe he likes his bachelorhood. Maybe he makes false assumptions of eligible ladies. Either way, he personally hasn't met someone he truly connects with.
I wouldn't push it. Not my business to meddle in. He's your friend.
I just wanted to add that he asks my fiancee if she has any single friends nearly every time he sees her, and when we go out he always suggests that I choose a location where he might be able to meet someone because he doesn't have any luck picking himself. He recently told me that the reason he left the Air Force was that he wanted to put down roots, and that he was discouraged because he can't find any women that are compatible with him and feel the same way. I have introduced him, at his request, to some single women I know in the past and he was grateful, despite the fact that they didn't develop chemistry. I don't feel like I am assuming any inappropriate responsibilities by trying to help him out.
Well, there is nothing wrong in wanting to help but it is better that you just be a support to him instead of actually helping him in any way, let him make his mistakes and learn from them. He is an adult now, not a teenager.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
my good friend is bad at dating
