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That's the conundrum. Unless it's obviously going terrible, I always offer to pay thinking that if I don't, it will be a real turn off. Maybe that should have been the question in the OP:
Is it a turn off if a guy doesn't insist on paying in full on the first date? Because some girls have offered, and I usually say, "Since I asked you...".
That is a tough one. Different women are different and some might be offended. And I'll admit it, I've gotten a little spoiled by men at this point (been dating a lot this summer). Since taking me up on my offer to go Dutch hasn't happened yet, I am not 100% sure how I would feel, but I imagine I would probably be surprised that he takes me up on the offer... I will pay my half, I offered. But would probably walk away thinking he's not really interested in me. It wouldn't be so much of a turn off I wouldn't go out with him again, but it would make me less likely to take his interest seriously. I hate to say that, I wish I could be noble sounding, but it's the truth.
I've done it all sorts of ways. I've paid; he's paid. Times where we did a couple different things, one paid for the first half of the date, and the other paid for the second.
I had dates, the majority, I'd say, that insisted on paying.
I would say whoever asked, but the above fits my history. It's pretty simple when you earn much more than the person you are dating and you like that tradition in dating.
That is a tough one. Different women are different and some might be offended. And I'll admit it, I've gotten a little spoiled by men at this point (been dating a lot this summer). Since taking me up on my offer to go Dutch hasn't happened yet, I am not 100% sure how I would feel, but I imagine I would probably be surprised that he takes me up on the offer... I will pay my half, I offered. But would probably walk away thinking he's not really interested in me. It wouldn't be so much of a turn off I wouldn't go out with him again, but it would make me less likely to take his interest seriously. I hate to say that, I wish I could be noble sounding, but it's the truth.
Would you be understanding if he wrote you off for not offering?
I'd just rather date someone who liked me enough to want to pay for the first date. It's not like we do anything expensive. My portion of the first date is usually less than $20. When most guys are willing to pay for the first date, the ones who don't stand out in a bad way.
That is a tough one. Different women are different and some might be offended. And I'll admit it, I've gotten a little spoiled by men at this point (been dating a lot this summer). Since taking me up on my offer to go Dutch hasn't happened yet, I am not 100% sure how I would feel, but I imagine I would probably be surprised that he takes me up on the offer... I will pay my half, I offered. But would probably walk away thinking he's not really interested in me. It wouldn't be so much of a turn off I wouldn't go out with him again, but it would make me less likely to take his interest seriously. I hate to say that, I wish I could be noble sounding, but it's the truth.
I get it, and I sort of have the same thoughts (as in I'm showing interest in her by paying).
If this were any other type of topic, you'd probably get a fair amount coming on here blasting this as "a sense of entitlement".
It's just funny how that mentality doesn't cross over into relationships.
I'd just rather date someone who liked me enough to want to pay for the first date. It's not like we do anything expensive. My portion of the first date is usually less than $20. When most guys are willing to pay for the first date, the ones who don't stand out in a bad way.
Consider the alternative viewpoint: "I'd rather date someone who liked me enough that they considered this a partnership and didn't see me as as source of financial reliability".
I don't think paying for a date is out of the question, once you're a few dates in and you actually consider the person to be worth it. With the first date, it's up in the air. You may never see that person again. If I were married or in LTR, I'd always be taking her out for dates and paying for it. I don't feel that way about a person whom I just met and who may decide she doesn't like me because of the color shirt I'm wearing.
Consider the alternative viewpoint: "I'd rather date someone who liked me enough that they considered this a partnership and didn't see me as as source of financial reliability".
I don't think paying for a date is out of the question, once you're a few dates in and you actually consider the person to be worth it. With the first date, it's up in the air. You may never see that person again.
Since I usually meet guys online, I understand that I'm a stranger to them and they might have multiple dates that week which is why I usually offer to split and I've accepted second dates from guys who took me up on my offer. Still, it's my belief that a guy who was excited about me would be happy to pay for the first date. Heck, even guys who didn't want to see me again still paid. When you're financially stable, $20 isn't a big deal.
Can we just agree it is super freaking lame to worry about $10/20 or whatever? Seriously. Not even worthy of a discussion.
$3.50 per gallon of gas is still cheaper than a gallon of milk, right? That's how that argument goes usually. But you're not buying a gallon of gas. You're usually buying 15+ gallons of gas.
Would you be understanding if he wrote you off for not offering?
All things being equal.
I am confused... I always offer to go Dutch (and am prepared to pay the whole thing if that ever happens). So he would never get the chance to write me off for not offering.
I wouldn't write a man off because he accepted my offer of going Dutch (like I said it hasn't happened yet). But I would probably feel a little differently--like maybe he wasn't all that interested and I would probably assume he wouldn't want a second date. But I wouldn't turn one down a second date if I liked him.
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