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I'm trying very hard to give him space. I don't text him much, he usually calls me, many times when we hang out he doesn't want me to leave and many times even wants me to stay the night (to which I turn down). He wants me to live with him. Why? It's like he wants to do everything like a married couple without the title and I don't think that's a good idea. I know he's scared. He won't say it, but I can sense it. My thing is, if I try to talk to him about the relationship he comes up with reasons as to why he's not ready but when I ask him to clarify, he gets defensive. But I'm not comfortable with the idea of moving forward physically without the responsibility that comes with it.
TO THINE OWNSELF BE TRUE.
Do not ever do anything your gut instincts and personal standards are against
Sounds to me like there is a clash of values here honey.
And because of that you are very wise not to compromise yours.
To summarize everyone else, you already are financially stable. The relationship seems to be unstable, if marriage is your goal. He's definitely stalling, and this is his "cover." I'd get out of there unless you think he'll change his attitude within the next 6 months to a year.
Exactly. If my 24 year old son was contemplating marriage I wouldn't be a happy mama myself.
I smiled at this.
My kids were both married one year after college, at age 23.
They were among the last of their friends to do so. Most got married as soon as they graduated.
Daughter is now married almost 7 years; son, 4 years.
I smiled at this.
My kids were both married one year after college, at age 23.
They were among the last of their friends to do so. Most got married as soon as they graduated.
Daughter is now married almost 7 years; son, 4 years.
Good for them! There are always exceptions to every rule
In this day and age, especially with student loans being so high for most recent graduates, I think the trend of marrying closer to 30 is just a good thing for many. Who you are by 30 is just so much more than who you are at 23-24.
My Bf and I have both finished university with a bachelor's degree, have good jobs, make a little more than 60k a year each. He has no debt. I have a bit of student loans but should be done paying that off very soon. But other than that, I also have no debt. He keeps saying he wants to be financially stable and have everything lined up before he gets married. I use to believe strongly in this concept but I'm starting to lose faith in it because it just seems so inaccurate and like another way of saying, "I'm scared and I'm not ready." My thinking is, "So are we to put our entire lives on hold because you're not close enough to being rich?" It just bothers me.
What say you guys? Is financial stability a necessity for marriage?
I think he is just scared. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Maybe you can give him some time.
To answer your question, is financial stability a necessity for marriage? Yes, it is.
But financial stability is not YOUR problem. I think he is just not ready.
When I love a person, I think about that person all the time, but the more I love him, the more I want to make sure that everything is perfect. Maybe I am wrong, but this is just how I am.
Have a talk with him without accusation, I think he will open up to you more.
Who you are by 30 is just so much more than who you are at 23-24.
Not always. It's possible to be extremely mature, self-sufficient, and developed as a individual at 24. Some people should wait to get married if they don't have a strong sense of self or life experience, but others already do and don't need to waste a decade of their young life 'growing up' or getting to know themselves. Not saying this goes for everyone (because from my own experience it certainly doesn't), but I don't think it's fair to invalidate those in their 20's who want to marry young (I'm one of them, and have a better sense of self and life direction than some 30 year olds I know).
As for the OP, it kind of sounds like there's some communication breakdowns here, and I'm not entirely sure you're on the same page. Communication is a huge part of marriage, and if he can't articulate his feelings in the present, that spells trouble for the future. I don't think getting married is a great idea if you can't have an open and honest conversation about your relationship now. Sure, he may just need time, but on the other hand, most girls want some sort of timeline and don't want to waste their time waiting around on someone who might not be sure about marrying them. I would seriously contemplate if this is heading where you want it to. It sounds like he's not ready or that close to being ready, and that's something you're going to want to know sooner than later.
Not always. It's possible to be extremely mature, self-sufficient, and developed as a individual at 24. Some people should wait to get married if they don't have a strong sense of self or life experience, but others already do and don't need to waste a decade of their young life 'growing up' or getting to know themselves. Not saying this goes for everyone (because from my own experience it certainly doesn't), but I don't think it's fair to invalidate those in their 20's who want to marry young (I'm one of them).
As for the OP, it kind of sounds like there's some communication breakdowns here, and I'm not entirely sure you're on the same page. Communication is a huge part of marriage, and if he can't articulate his feelings in the present, that spells trouble for the future. I don't think getting married is a great idea if you can't have an open and honest conversation about your relationship now. Sure, he may just need time, but on the other hand, most girls want some sort of timeline and don't want to waste their time waiting around on someone who might not be sure about marrying them. I would seriously contemplate if this is heading where you want it to. It sounds like he's not ready or that close to being ready, and that's something you're going to want to know sooner than later.
Not to disagree with such an agreeable poster , but if who you are at 30 is NOT much more than who you are at 23 then you've somehow stunted your growth.
There will always be people ready and mature enough to marry at young ages (18-23). I just think these are the exception and not the general rule in the times we currently live in
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