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I think a subtle thing guys miss as well, is a good woman looks good. I mean, if a guy is great to her, and does chivalrous things for her. When they go on a date, she will spend money and time getting ready.
She'll wanna get her hair done.
She'll wanna be sure her make-up is good.
She'll wanna have a good outfit, may even go out and buy one.
If I have to earn a guy treating me special when he asks me for a date, then I could say, he has to earn me looking nice. If he's gonna treat me like a male buddy, and sees me as just some other woman he's hanging with, I am not gonna spend money on my hair, clothes, or stand in a mirror putting on make-up for him.
I will show up with my hair not combed, and in a hat, with sweats. If he doesn't wanna do anything simply because he thinks I may be a special lady, then why should I go through any trouble for him, and treating him as anything more than a guy I am hanging with?
If he is a man of quality...like many of you women desire......he will be getting interest from MANY women.
He may not be sleeping with a bunch of women....but he will be getting the attention of several.
He will have options. No getting around that.
The question then becomes......
What is it about you that would make him want to treat you differently then the others that are coming after him?
Why would he pull out all of the chivalrous treatment for you when he possibly has 3 or 4 other interests
that could be better looking.
That is the reason why you ladies have to separate yourselves from the pack early.
The question should not be....why is chivalry dead?
The real question should be.....what do I need to do as a woman to differentiate myself from the others?
If you want a high quality guy.....you will need to stand out to get the TRULY chivalrous AND best treatment.
Just the way it is.
Last edited by usamathman; 08-10-2014 at 10:53 AM..
Lucky you. I would kill for a guy like that. Would make my heart flutter, which rarely happens. But then again, given how rare chivalry is, I would be a bit cautious of his intent. Am I a special lady, or is he trying to get laid after the date.
They're always hoping to get laid after the date, that's a given. But in this case, yes, he was a gentleman and it's how he treats his dates.
If he is a man of quality...like many of you women desire......he will be getting interest from MANY women.
He may not be sleeping with a bunch of women....but he will be getting the attention of several.
He will have options. No getting around that.
The question then becomes......
What is it about you that would make him want to treat you differently then the others that are coming after him?
Why would he pull out all of the chivalrous treatment for you when he possibly has 3 or 4 other interests
that could be better looking.
That is the reason why you ladies have to separate yourselves from the pack early.
The question should not be....why is chivalry dead?
The real question should be.....what do I need to do as a women to differentiate myself from the others?
If you want a high quality guy.....you will need to stand out to get the TRULY chivalrous AND best treatment.
Just the way it is.
I don't know who you're aiming this at, but speaking only for myself I am a beautiful, smart, well-paid, funny woman with a lot to bring to the table and any man would be lucky to have me for a gf. I don't need to compete for men whether they get attention from other women or not. If a man doesn't see my value then he's not the man for me.
I think a lot of women confuse chivalry with a guy running game. Women think "oh he's so chivalrous", no he's just trying to get in your pants.
It's on the woman not to give it up until she knows through time and consistency that he's interested in more than her body. I think it's a given that all guys want to get in our pants when we date them, but a guy who will wait is generally showing he wants more.
Chivalry bores me. I think couples do nice things for each other as a matter of course. I recently had a guy read my dating profile online and demand to know why I didn't want a guy opening doors for me and pulling out chairs for me. He was very offended and took it to mean I was opposed to all forms of public affection. Not at all. But I open doors for myself every day. I pull out my own chair. I do these things without thinking. It's like someone offering to chew for me. And it's disruptive - I don't want to have to stop what I'm doing because some guy feels the need to insert himself into the flow of my actions to prove a point. Want to express affection? Put an arm around me. Hold my hand. Sneak me a quick peck on the cheek because you think I'm that goddamn adorable you can't resist it. But don't treat me like I'm a delicate flower when that is the last thing I have ever been, and I would not have made it this far if I was.
When my father was near death and his life had fallen into disarray due to him masking his illness, I spent three weeks by myself with a crowbar and sledgehammer tearing down structures on his property to bring it up to code. I pushed myself to the breaking point. I worked 12 hours a day on his property through the worst of the summer heat, when it was regularly over 100 degrees. When it got dark, I came in and worked on his paperwork until I couldn't keep my eyes open. It was one of the most miserable times of my life, but I got everything done that needed to be done. Someone pulling my chair out for me at that time in my life would have just made me laugh long and hard.
As for paying for stuff, I make more than most of the men I date. I let them pay for that first meal if they insist, but generally I'm happy to go 50-50. If a guy wants to "take care of" me, what I'd really prefer is somebody doing an oil change or fixing my fence or something like that once we're really in a relationship.
Chivalry isn't real. Anybody can do it to make themselves appear to be a gentleman. It's the stuff that matters over the long haul that I care about.
Interesting. And I understand your position. To me, "chivalry" at the point you were at with your Dads stuff, and the resultant work and momentum you had going, would have not been jumping in and trying to take over. Just trying to help. Not with the actual work...but for you.
To quietly come into the office and say "Hey...you gotta be hungry...I made you a plate." Or even bring it in, and drop and go. That's one example. Its not about pulling a chair out, just because of some ungraven "code". It about being there when it counts. And little stuff counts.
I was very smitten with a girl once. I was ALWAYS there to fix her car, work on her furnace, cooler, washer wtfe. Chivalry? Mmm...perhaps, but she started ignoring me, she was always "busy" when I needed her....but, if something broke, she would call me straight away, and expect I would be there. She honestly didn't understand, why I said NO. that first time. She had been seeing other people, had not even had the pleasure of a phone call, just to talk, in weeks. Yet, when her car broke down, I was supposed to be right there, because I'm just a "nice guy". ....and I did have feelings for her.
Sometimes, its plumb tough to be "chivalrous". It means different things to different people. Where I ran into a problem, here, was when she thought she could play my feelings for a gain, and then give me a peck on the cheek and tell me what a great "friend" I was, when she flat knew I loved her and was burr under the cinch about her.
And ya know...when we did go out, dinner wtfe, she expected me to be the chair pulling, attend to her, kinda guy. Oh yea...it didn't last....but I see some of that attitude in your post. Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not GOD, but,, fixing your fence, car, what have you, after being in a relationship for a while? Ya know, some girls/women seem to expect this out of a guy because he can do it, and even though she tossed the "relationship", he should still be available. Oh yea, show up cuz her furnace broke, and have a new boyfriend(or girlfriend...THAT was the worst) greet me at the door, no warning, no "hey I know I've been out of touch..but"...trust me.."chivalry" has limits.
However, in my experience, women expect it...not always for the gentlemanly door holding that irritates you so much, but when something really on the line. And, this can happen a lot AFTER a guy has been "corrected" for holding a door or pulling out a chair, hearing that " I don't NEEED or WANT my chair pulled out! I'm capable of such simple things MYSELF"! (sigh) yea....welcome to the next century..
Correct me if I am wrong but isn't this thread about chivalry toward women and dating?
You are talking about being kind and genuine in a general sense.
Men that have had success with women see these two things completely differently.
When it comes to dealing with women....I am always looking at it from a standpoint of....What is in it for me.
I understand that if I get what I want....I will definitely give the women I am with more than she could ever want.
Nothing wrong with being a little selfish.....when you know that WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER IS RARE AND VALUABLE, you can afford to be selfish.
Quote:
Originally Posted by usamathman
their lady???
sorry but you and I are completely on two different pages.
you continue to wine and dine women....with absolutely no expectation in return....and let me know how things go for you 5 more years down the road.
my comments are for the men that are tired of investing 100% into a woman to get nothing in return.
if your "strategy" works for you in dating.....continue to do it buddy.
I can guarantee you that I am as generous as they come.
However, when it comes to dating....I do have expectations.
I am not going to go out of my way to impress or put a woman on a pedestal when she has DONE NOTHING in return.
so in other words you only date women to get laid? whats wrong with just wanting companionship from a woman? i dont mind dating a woman and not getting laid, because i just want to be with her. if sex happens, fine, if it doesnt thats fine also.
as for the chivalrous attitude, you want to treat everybody that way, especially if you are on a date. if you treat your lady well, but treat the servers and others around you like crap, your lady is going to notice, and wonder if perhaps you will turn on her in the future.
The question should not be....why is chivalry dead?
The real question should be.....what do I need to do as a women to differentiate myself from the others?
If you want a high quality guy.....you will need to stand out to get the TRULY chivalrous AND best treatment.
Just the way it is.
I haven't found that chivalry is dead, it was common when I was dating a few years ago. /shrug
The only place I hear complaints about it is here.
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Wow, all these dynamics I never experienced first hand in my life. I never treated anyone that way-expected anything from anyone, am tickled when someone does or thinks of it...really. Don't take it personally if it doesn't happen. But, I must have seriously missed the boat somewhere...I never have taken advantage like some of these women have...that must be the start of another thread, identifying and dealing with those special princesses who are so perfect that they have all guys wrapped around their finger...and you go and make a fool out of yourself for her and she was just using you all along.
I don't know if this subject has been discussed before but here it goes.
Ladies do you like "chivalry"? Like a man open doors for you, telling you look pretty, compliments, giving you his jacket so you won't feel cold etc?
It may sound a dumb question but nowadays I've noticed several women says that "chivalry" is like "dead" and they don't need that.
For example one day I was at the cinema and I noticed two young girls, like in her 20's (I'm 43 yrs old) doing the line for the popcorn for a guy!!! Asking him what he wants and they are buying his stuff and the guy was sitting there like it was okay. I mean, there is anything wrong with women buying me popcorn, I think that's cute she takes that into consideration but at the very least I will do the line with her to help her with the things. Yo know what I mean? I'm a classic kind of guy...old school so to speak.
So I want to hear your opinion ladies...
'Chivalry'! Good Lord... NO! What is this? The French court?
Plain politeness and good manners will do... thank you.
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But in this case, yes, he was a gentleman and it's how he treats his dates.
