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You know, that's an option I thought about. I'm worried it would just result in the same situation but with a ring.
We both tried to see people but the fact that we never really brought things to closure poisoned the well. We broke up and broke contact for maybe 3 months? Then we started talking, then a few months later starting buying plane tickets on vacation time. Both of our respective dating interests got friendzoned.
Part of the reason I bring it up now is because I've been talking to someone and she's into me, and I'm going to friendzone her if it continues. Such an awkward situation and I have to admit I wonder if I'm doing the right thing & pining for someone who will ultimately choose career over me.
You need to go no contact with the Ex now and suck it up and accept that it takes a bit of dating (which sucks) to find someone you hit it off with. You can't keep pining for her and expect someone else to enter your heart. You need to go no contact with her though. It would even be better if you had a local FWB, than her.
I enjoy my job, but I would choose love. However, although I have a college degree and I've had a few professional jobs that I enjoyed (and enjoy the one I have now) I don't have a career like what you're talking about. I could see if you both have specialized careers in fields where it's difficult to get a job that it might not be such an easy decision. You will get over her if you really want to, but you have to quit talking to her completely. No communication at all, not even Facebook friends. You need to make a decision. Also because it isn't fair to the other women you're dating if you're in love with someone else. Make the decision to cut the contact and end things for good or marry this woman and figure out how to make it work no matter what it takes.
I don't believe love conquers all or that there's only one person for everyone, but I do think if you find someone special and you are both willing to make some compromises that things can be worked out even in the most difficult of circumstances.
I've been in love many times. I only have one career.
I think for those who believe in multiple loves and that love comes easy for, they would probably chose career.
For those who believe there is only 1 love and who it doesn't come easy for, their focus will most likely be on obtaining that.
I think mileage is going to vary greatly on this one depending (among other things) on how individuals feel about career. For me, my experience is the polar opposite of what's posted above, for instance. I've moved many times, shifted career focus, reinvented myself professionally numerous times, gone different routes within a particular profession, etc. "I only have one career," is definitely not a mindset that applies to me.
I would and have prioritized love/my marriage over any particular given job, because I can do the types of work that I enjoy essentially anywhere. When my then-fiance got a change of duty station, it didn't cross my mind to have him move while I stayed at my teaching post hundreds of miles away, because I would never in a million years have chosen staying at that job over staying with him. It wasn't a bad job at all, but it definitely wasn't something that was more important to me than being with my spouse-to-be. There was absolutely no question in my mind. I just moved and found a different job to work. We'll be moving again, that's how it works, and I'll take the same approach.
Depends on what the person wants personally, but in my current situation since I'm so young in my early 20's I would choose a career, since I need to support myself as I grow older. I have never believed in "the one true love", over time, we meet people we just click with and are happy to be around. But my personal opinion doesn't fit for everyone, you have to do what makes you personally happy. But if I were older I may consider it.
In my twenties, I was focused on my work, primarily, and dated only very casually. There were no romantic relationships in my life that were a big enough part of my life that it warranted making major life decisions regarding them. When I got older and met my now-husband, that shifted considerably, and by that point, my career arc had developed into what it is today, which is one that is quite flexible, and not following any one single, driven track. I've been on my own, and been quite able to support myself, have done so through numerous moves and career changes, so changing things up, career-wise, doesn't intimidate me (actually, I rather like it). After our next move, I will most likely not work full-time, get my master's, and embark up on a new career related to that.
You know, that's an option I thought about. I'm worried it would just result in the same situation but with a ring.
We both tried to see people but the fact that we never really brought things to closure poisoned the well. We broke up and broke contact for maybe 3 months? Then we started talking, then a few months later starting buying plane tickets on vacation time. Both of our respective dating interests got friendzoned.
Part of the reason I bring it up now is because I've been talking to someone and she's into me, and I'm going to friendzone her if it continues. Such an awkward situation and I have to admit I wonder if I'm doing the right thing & pining for someone who will ultimately choose career over me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
You need to go no contact with the Ex now and suck it up and accept that it takes a bit of dating (which sucks) to find someone you hit it off with. You can't keep pining for her and expect someone else to enter your heart. You need to go no contact with her though. It would even be better if you had a local FWB, than her.
I agree with going no-contact, but I think the both of them need time to be alone, not dating anyone. It seems like they are both using the people they date as surrogates or distractions, instead of taking the time to heal from the broken relationship. That's not fair to anyone, either the OP, the ex-GF, or the people they date. Each of them needs to just work on themselves for a while.
I think mileage is going to vary greatly on this one depending (among other things) on how individuals feel about career. For me, my experience is the polar opposite of what's posted above, for instance. I've moved many times, shifted career focus, reinvented myself professionally numerous times, gone different routes within a particular profession, etc. "I only have one career," is definitely not a mindset that applies to me.
I would and have prioritized love/my marriage over any particular given job, because I can do the types of work that I enjoy essentially anywhere. When my then-fiance got a change of duty station, it didn't cross my mind to have him move while I stayed at my teaching post hundreds of miles away, because I would never in a million years have chosen staying at that job over staying with him. It wasn't a bad job at all, but it definitely wasn't something that was more important to me than being with my spouse-to-be. There was absolutely no question in my mind. I just moved and found a different job to work. We'll be moving again, that's how it works, and I'll take the same approach.
I hear what you're saying. I have a niche skill set in a field which limits me to the are I am currently in (DC). I would never move or change jobs for love.
My position is basically non-exsistant anywhere else in the country. Plus I have my masters in the same field which helped land me the job I have. I just couldn't throw it all away.
I hear what you're saying. I have a niche skill set in a field which limits me to the are I am currently in (DC). I would never move or change jobs for love.
My position is basically non-exsistant anywhere else in the country. Plus I have my masters in the same field which helped land me the job I have. I just couldn't throw it all away.
I agree with going no-contact, but I think the both of them need time to be alone, not dating anyone. It seems like they are both using the people they date as surrogates or distractions, instead of taking the time to heal from the broken relationship. That's not fair to anyone, either the OP, the ex-GF, or the people they date. Each of them needs to just work on themselves for a while.
I can agree with that, although I wouldn't be as strict about not dating new people right away, but what the hell, let's go with what Lilac said.
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