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You've identified 13 things you consider red flags, which is a lot. The high intake of prescription drugs for depression, social anxiety, and pain would concern me enough to friend zone this woman. I'm sure she has many wonderful qualities and is amazing, but she has a lot of baggage and baggage leads to drama, which I try to avoid. Someone once told me, "Don't date charity cases," and that was really helpful.
From what I see, you and this girl weren't a good match at all. She has severe mental issues that I hope she is getting addressed. I know she can't help that, but still. Those conditions need to be stabilized so she can have somewhat of a normal life.
She was the one who explained Fibromyalgia to me, that is how she explained it.
Ah. So it is her doctor who has the issues.
This is really sad, as a doc who doesn't understand the physical reality of the disease cannot give her proper treatment . And of course that will make her more depressed.
I am sorry that I thought it was you.
Maybe you could encourage her to do some reading online, at fibro patient forums? She could learn about how the disease really works, and what helps people. There are a lot of people who have fibro plus depression and anxiety; it would probably be very good for her to talk to them.
-Severe Depression (took a year off due to not being able to face the world)
-Bad Back Pain (she is in constant pain)
-Bad Stomach Pain (same as above)
-Social Anxiety (sometime will pull out of plans last minute because she cant do it)
-High Prescription drug intake (strong pain killers, anti depressants, etc...)
-Very low self esteem (she doesnt believe she deserves anything nice)
-Bad Communication (She wouldn't open up to me about her conditions)
-She wants to study a Bachelor of Arts in Dancing to be an actress (No good job prospects)
-Multiple scars (all up her arms, large scars on arms/legs that required surgery, scar across her neck which may have been a suicide attempt)
-She is a model/fire dancer
-Very attractive (constantly gets hit on by guys)
That is pretty much it, I dont know why I like this girl so much, there is just something amazing about her, but all these red flags...
Would you date this girl? No.
Would you marry this girl? No.
Am I insane for even liking her? You probably think you can "save" her. She's not a project you're ready to invest your time in. Plenty of women out there with less baggage.
She needs help. Not a relationship.
I know for a fact that a model can't have low self esteem, particularly when your success is dependent on how you carry yourself especially considering you're in competition with plenty of other models for every job you go out for. Fire dancer/walker.. what? Unnecessary risk taker? Scars up her arm? Is/Was she a cutter? If they're multiple tiny slashes up her arm/legs sounds like long term mental health problems. Depression also? Social Anxiety? That also doesn't sit well with being a model. She wants to be an actress? Not with her state of mind. An actress has to be very close to their emotions, sounds to me like she does things to avoid expressing her feelings.
But anyways the main point of this post is this, do the following red flags put you off?
-Severe Depression (took a year off due to not being able to face the world) -Bad Back Pain (she is in constant pain)
-Bad Stomach Pain (same as above)
-Social Anxiety (sometime will pull out of plans last minute because she cant do it)
-High Prescription drug intake (strong pain killers, anti depressants, etc...)
-Very low self esteem (she doesnt believe she deserves anything nice)
-Fibromyalgia (Converts mental pain into physical pain. Sets off her depression/back pain) -Bad Communication (She wouldn't open up to me about her conditions)
-She wants to study a Bachelor of Arts in Dancingto be an actress (No good job prospects)
-Cant eat many types of food (Vegetarian/no wheats - really hard to take her to dinner or feed her)
-Very Mormon Parents (They constantly disapprove of her since she left the community)
-Indecisive (Really hard to find things to do with her)
-Multiple scars (all up her arms, large scars on arms/legs that required surgery, scar across her neck which may have been a suicide attempt)
Honestly? She sounds like a mess who really needs therapy and time to get her house in order.
But if I had to choose, the bad communication would be it for me, along with the high prescription drug intake.
Also, I wonder how realistic she's being about the degree in dance with her bad back pain and fibromyalgia (which is not converting mental to physical pain, BTW, please look it up) or if she's just setting herself up for more heartache.
I know for a fact that a model can't have low self esteem, particularly when your success is dependent on how you carry yourself especially considering you're in competition with plenty of other models for every job you go out for. Fire dancer/walker.. what? Unnecessary risk taker? Scars up her arm? Is/Was she a cutter? If they're multiple tiny slashes up her arm/legs sounds like long term mental health problems. Depression also? Social Anxiety? That also doesn't sit well with being a model. She wants to be an actress? Not with her state of mind. An actress has to be very close to their emotions, sounds to me like she does things to avoid expressing her feelings.
Run. Away. Fast.
She is a gothic/industrial style model. Most of her work is through friends and people she had worked with in the past, she only does it part time.
Yeah she used to cut herself, some are quite bad an have required and do require further surgery. She has had to tattoo over some of them. She hasn't cut in the past 5 years though.
Yeah to be honest I think it's a waste of time for her to bother going to university to study a bachelor of arts for acting. But I never told her that, I tried to be supportive of it. I just don't see her being able to get much work with her scars and tattoos, and her mental state of course. But then again maybe she could be really good at it.
She is a gothic/industrial style model. Most of her work is through friends and people she had worked with in the past, she only does it part time.
Yeah she used to cut herself, some are quite bad an have required and do require further surgery. She has had to tattoo over some of them. She hasn't cut in the past 5 years though.
Yeah to be honest I think it's a waste of time for her to bother going to university to study a bachelor of arts for acting. But I never told her that, I tried to be supportive of it. I just don't see her being able to get much work with her scars and tattoos, and her mental state of course. But then again maybe she could be really good at it.
I would say she is and already has been quite a lot to deal with but if you want to be with her because you want to be with her and not because you think you are going to "save" her you might have a chance of being long term.
It is really hard to say and not knowing either of you makes it even harder to say.
You need to ask yourself if you are really up to dealing with all of her issues everyday for the rest of your lives.
If not then you need to move on and perhaps just remain friends with her.
I would say she is and already has been quite a lot to deal with but if you want to be with her because you want to be with her and not because you think you are going to "save" her you might have a chance of being long term.
It is really hard to say and not knowing either of you makes it even harder to say.
You need to ask yourself if you are really up to dealing with all of her issues everyday for the rest of your lives.
If not then you need to move on and perhaps just remain friends with her.
To be honest, we have already broken up (about a weeks ago). I do really like her for who she is and really do enjoy spending time with her. She has been going through quite a bad patch of depression the past couple of weeks however, which I didn't know about when we broke up (the communication problem) and she is still not in a good state of mind, she is also detoxing from her drugs at the moment as that is apparently something that needs to be done from time to time. So she was quite worn out when I saw her yesterday. She hasnt been sleeping well, been depressed, and detoxing which will mean shes also in constant pain.
So it probably wasn't the best idea to have a 'talk' with her and ask her if she wanted to try again. But I was stupid enough to ask anyway. The worst part of it was that she wouldn't say yes or no, she just replied with 'I don't know'. When I said that 'I don't know' just means 'no', she responded with no it means 'I dont know'. I kind of tried to get her to just say 'no' but she wouldn't and stuck with 'I dont know'.
I was then also stupid enough to send her a long message reiterating what I had said to her in our talk, about how much I liked her and cared for her and thanked her for our time together etc... and now I am just going to have to not contact her.
Sometimes I come on this forum only to shake my head, maybe bash it into the computer screen and log off.
Good luck to everyone.
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. And of course that will make her more depressed.
I swear...
