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Like any rejection, people take it personally and its a blow to the ego.
I can understand the feeling of rejection, I've been there myself... we've probably all been rejected in school, love, or work at some point... but it's the handling of it. I would just expect people at this age (aka no longer children) to have some sort of handle on their emotions/reactions to this type of thing. I find disproportionate anger over breaking off contact with someone you haven't even met to be a huge red flag. It tells me the person doesn't have very good social skills at the very least, and may have some emotional issues/be quick to snap. Mainly it tells me they're extremely insecure in themselves, because when you're happy and secure as a person, your worth isn't determined by whether other people like you. When people respond with superrr long texts that never end, or get angry and start calling me names over stuff like that, it's scary and tells me they're a scary person and confirms my decision. I've had guys I thought were great not want to further things... we both found each other attractive, there just wasn't anything to talk about it.. so it's not always about appearance. And it's not even necessarily 'rejection', just incompatibility. I think it's rarely personal. We just didn't click or have a good flow of conversation. I recognized that too. And when they were courteous enough to say they didn't think we were a match, I thanked them and wished them well, even though I felt a little bit disappointed. I just can't wrap my mind around any other reaction. (Although I've very quickly learned others don't share my laidback nature! )
I once had a guy approach me, said he caught me looking and he was interested too. However I wasn't looking at him at all. If anything I may have been looking at something else but definitely wasn't looking at him. Why some men think even looking at him means I am interested is weird.
This has happened to me too. I don't understand how that equates 'interest' either, but maybe there's a difference in how men and women think about that sort of thing.
I can understand the feeling of rejection, I've been there myself... we've probably all been rejected in school, love, or work at some point... but it's the handling of it. I would just expect people at this age (aka no longer children) to have some sort of handle on their emotions/reactions to this type of thing. I find disproportionate anger over breaking off contact with someone you haven't even met to be a huge red flag. It tells me the person doesn't have very good social skills at the very least, and may have some emotional issues/be quick to snap. Mainly it tells me they're extremely insecure in themselves, because when you're happy and secure as a person, your worth isn't determined by whether other people like you. When people respond with superrr long texts that never end, or get angry and start calling me names over stuff like that, it's scary and tells me they're a scary person and confirms my decision. I've had guys I thought were great not want to further things... we both found each other attractive, there just wasn't anything to talk about it.. so it's not always about appearance. And it's not even necessarily 'rejection', just incompatibility. I think it's rarely personal. We just didn't click or have a good flow of conversation. I recognized that too. And when they were courteous enough to say they didn't think we were a match, I thanked them and wished them well, even though I felt a little bit disappointed. I just can't wrap my mind around any other reaction. (Although I've very quickly learned others don't share my laidback nature! )
Is it a rejection if you haven't met the person yet? Does that mean everyone gets rejected multiple times daily when their profile is online and they get looks but no responses? Should everyone on OLD be walking around chronically licking their wounds because of constant rejection?
Difficult to understand when you are a woman sitting in front of a computer screen....picking apart emails and photos from several suitors.
Some of you ladies should go out later today, smile at the first 10 men you meet, and ask them on a date.
Come back and let us know how it feels when the first one says no.
I always tell men to never take online dating seriously.
No woman can determine how great of a guy you are just by reading a few sentences on your profile.
It kind of sounds like you're assuming women never get rejected online though. Just because I'm female or attractive or whatever else doesn't mean all guys are instantly into me, and want to date me. Maybe I'm not their type, maybe they don't like blondes, maybe I look too much like their ex or their sister. Maybe none of our interests align and we have absolutely nothing in common. Who knows. I don't always get a reply or a date, and that's okay. My self worth doesn't depend on it. I accept it graciously like a mature adult and I move on. Am I a little disappointed if a cute guy doesn't want to continue chatting? Sure. But I don't take it personally because it's probably not. The feeling might suck but it's how you handle it.
This has happened to me too. I don't understand how that equates 'interest' either, but maybe there's a difference in how men and women think about that sort of thing.
Many think looking (or thinking I am looking)means interest but to me it doesn't. Interest takes time to develop.
It kind of sounds like you're assuming women never get rejected online though. Just because I'm female or attractive or whatever else doesn't mean all guys are instantly into me, and want to date me. Maybe I'm not their type, maybe they don't like blondes, maybe I look too much like their ex or their sister. Maybe none of our interests align and we have absolutely nothing in common. Who knows. I don't always get a reply or a date, and that's okay. My self worth doesn't depend on it. I accept it graciously like a mature adult and I move on. Am I a little disappointed if a cute guy doesn't want to continue chatting? Sure. But I don't take it personally because it's probably not. The feeling might suck but it's how you handle it.
I only get depressed when I get a bunch of weird freaks, I see a guy I'm attracted to and he says no. That's happened a few times and it stinks. One time the guy seemed like a perfect match but he didn't think so.
It's just like when you unfriend someone on Facebook & they send you multiple emails asking why that happened. Social media has created a generation that over seeks approval & can't handle rejection!
Some of you ladies should go out later today, smile at the first 10 men you meet, and ask them on a date.
I went for a walk at lunch on a popular trail, like I do most days it isn't raining. It's typical to nod, smile, say hello when you pass others-it's a friendly trail. Today I passed 5-6 men; only one even glanced my direction.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
I once had a guy approach me, said he caught me looking and he was interested too. However I wasn't looking at him at all. If anything I may have been looking at something else but definitely wasn't looking at him. Why some men think even looking at him means I am interested is weird.
I'm virtually invisible in public.
I was at Costco one day standing in an aisle looking for something when a man turned into the aisle. I looked up and at him because I saw movement at of the corner of my eye. He very obviously and frantically looked at everything but me, ultimately crashing his cart into the shelves-almost hitting me in the process.
My friend recently asked how I respond when I'm approached. I told him I'll report back if it ever happens. I sat in an empty bar and grill last night waiting for friends for half an hour and never saw the server. He appeared two minutes after one of my (male) friends arrived. I've actually had it happen on more than one occasion where I'm out with friends, the server is standing right next to me and has taken everyone's order but mine and walked away as if I wasn't even there. (They've also come back with "oh, you must've snuck in after everyone else. No, Sweetcheeks, I was the first one here).
On the plus side, I know I can go out for the evening with friends and won't be bothered by creeps.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cotocatmom
It kind of sounds like you're assuming women never get rejected online though.
I've initiated contact with 8 men on OKC, got a response from 3 and met one of them, who I ended up not being interested in.
I was at Costco one day standing in an aisle looking for something when a man turned into the aisle. I looked up and at him because I saw movement at of the corner of my eye. He very obviously and frantically looked at everything but me, ultimately crashing his cart into the shelves-almost hitting me in the process.
My friend recently asked how I respond when I'm approached. I told him I'll report back if it ever happens. I sat in an empty bar and grill last night waiting for friends for half an hour and never saw the server. He appeared two minutes after one of my (male) friends arrived. I've actually had it happen on more than one occasion where I'm out with friends, the server is standing right next to me and has taken everyone's order but mine and walked away as if I wasn't even there. (They've also come back with "oh, you must've snuck in after everyone else. No, Sweetcheeks, I was the first one here).
On the plus side, I know I can go out for the evening with friends and won't be bothered by creeps.
That is very weird. Maybe you give out a "I'm married vibe?" A friend of mine did and she never realized it. I get approached often but almost by weird guys.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74
I've initiated contact with 8 men on OKC, got a response from 3 and met one of them, who I ended up not being interested in.
I'm not on anymore but did contact a few on this site and the other ones. I usually got a "no thanks". Irl I never have this problem.
I've initiated contact with 8 men on OKC, got a response from 3 and met one of them, who I ended up not being interested in.
That's still significantly better than most guys. 3/8 is 37.5%. If you did it 20 times, you'd probably be successful on 7-8 of them assuming the rate stays the same. A guy who does it 20 times probably only gets a message back on 1-2.
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