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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by movingacrosstown
I do think all the stress we have plays a big role. My daughter and I are constantly arguing and he can't stand it. She doesn't take care of her responsibilities or chores and I'm constantly riding her. She does help me get to my doctor's appointments and will pick things up from the store. My son is quiet and doesn't bother anyone. He is always willing to help around the house. We just thought when the kids finished high school and started college, they would move out and it would be our time. This goes along with when he's made about a situation, it gets taken out on me. I do agree we don't think about each others feelings.
I don't feel like I'm putting everything on him. I take care of the cleaning, cooking, food shopping, paying bills, etc. I've been selling things around the house we no longer use or need to make some extra money. There have been plenty times in the past that I was working and he wasn't. Therefore, I don't feel everything is on hm.
He's locking himself in the room because he wants quiet from everyone. He's the one who has the problem with the kids hearing during sex. LOL It causes him problems during sex.
I don't mind him spending money on himself. I just can't justify how much on beer. It's not just the money aspect either. It's the fact when he does it, he doesn't make it home from work and is gone for many hours later.
It's hard because my daughter is irresponsible in so many ways. We or at least I tried to teach her how to be responsible when growing up. We are just so worried about the grandbaby. My daughter says she'd love to leave but can't afford it which is true. Her job is 32 hours a week and only $8/hr. I just helped her apply for a new job making $6 more an hour. They are hiring several people now. Hopefully, she gets it because that would give her enough money to move on her own. She will just need to learn how to manage her money and not spend it foolishly.
As for my son, he has anxiety and social phobia. It is a big step that he is now in college full time. I don't want to set him up for failure. He is planning on leaving in January out of state to do his internship and hopefully move there. So, he does have a plan.
My SO and I have been married for almost 25 years. Our kids are grown but they still live at home. We both are frustrated with the relationship because we are not getting what we want out of it. My dh is saying it's not that he doesn't love me but he doesn't want to live the family life anymore. He doesn't want to have to answer to anybody and just wants to do his own thing and be left alone. He likes to go in the bedroom and shut the door, watch tv and go on FB. In the evening, I go on my computer and only go in there when it's time to go to bed. It's hard in our house because we have 2 kids 24 and 20 and a grandbaby who is 2 living with us. We don't get any privacy and don't feel comfortable being together. (They might hear)
Kick the kids to the curb.
Anyhow, we argue all the time over everything. Money is a big thing. When I was growing up, there were plenty of times we had to go without. I'm not working now but have in the past. (he throws it in my face) There also has been times when I was working and he wasn't. He doesn't make a lot of money so I think we should watch what is spent. We go out once a week for something to eat and couple drinks for under $20. He otoh likes to go out by himself once every couple weeks and will spend $40 or more on himself on drinking. I know it may sound petty but I think it's selfish for him to spend that much on himself drinking. I feel we could have both gone out with that money and enjoyed it or it could have gone to bills. Heck, you can buy a case of beer for $14 and have plenty left over for another time. Not too mention, he's gone for 8 hrs! No, I don't think he's cheating but yes I know he's a binge drinker. (can't stop after 1 or 2) His excuse is that he works so it shouldn't be a problem. I have a problem with the money being spent and how long he's gone.
Get a job so you can afford to do what you want.
This is just one example but he says I nag too much and I'm too controlling. I'm the one who has to make sure the bills are paid, paid on time and where the money goes. We did talk about him having an allowance but he never sticks to it. It has been worst in the past with him running up credit cards but I sure don't want to end up there again.
Get a job so you can help with the bills.
Another thing is that he takes everything the wrong way and swears I'm putting him down. I swear I'm not. He also gets short tempered about his shortcomings. (didn't go to college, dead end jobs, not happy where he is in life) If he doesn't understand something or if he's mad about a situation or mad at someone, he takes it out on me. (sarcasm, very short) I don't think it's fair.
I know it takes two to make a relationship work. It seems like the same thing has been going on for years and nobody is changing. We've been to counseling about 7 years ago. I think we are both at the point where we are over it and growing apart. Sometimes I think we just stay together because we are so used to having somebody and of course due to the financial aspect.
He is tired of you not working and whining to him about it. If you're not careful, he can easily leave you, since you're the one not pulling your weight. That, and your kids still crashing there is a big issue. Make them get jobs and leave the nest. Your husband is footing the bill for everything and he shouldn't have to.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by movingacrosstown
It's hard because my daughter is irresponsible in so many ways. We or at least I tried to teach her how to be responsible when growing up. We are just so worried about the grandbaby. My daughter says she'd love to leave but can't afford it which is true. Her job is 32 hours a week and only $8/hr. I just helped her apply for a new job making $6 more an hour. They are hiring several people now. Hopefully, she gets it because that would give her enough money to move on her own. She will just need to learn how to manage her money and not spend it foolishly.
As for my son, he has anxiety and social phobia. It is a big step that he is now in college full time. I don't want to set him up for failure. He is planning on leaving in January out of state to do his internship and hopefully move there. So, he does have a plan.
Kind of sounds like you're treading into enabling territory with the daughter. Good luck.
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We both are frustrated with the relationship because we are not getting what we want out of it. My dh is saying it's not that he doesn't love me but he doesn't want to live the family life anymore. He doesn't want to have to answer to anybody and just wants to do his own thing and be left alone. He likes to go in the bedroom and shut the door, watch tv and go on FB. In the evening, I go on my computer and only go in there when it's time to go to bed. It's hard in our house because we have 2 kids 24 and 20 and a grandbaby who is 2 living with us. We don't get any privacy and don't feel comfortable being together. (They might hear) 
No, I don't think he's cheating but yes I know he's a binge drinker. (can't stop after 1 or 2) His excuse is that he works so it shouldn't be a problem. I have a problem with the money being spent and how long he's gone. 
